After getting some positive feed back from the andrologist we decided to make an appointment for a second opinion. So I finally made the call and it's set for June 13th, the day after our 7th anniversary. Nothing more romantic than having a complete stranger check out your who-ha right after celebrating the day of your wedding. Seriously though, this was the only date that worked out with Hammer's travel. Plus it's a good excuse at work to take a day off without raising too much suspicion. We're keeping this one very quiet since nothing may come of it depending on what we hear.
When I called I had to give our history to the nurse and I totally started crying when I had to discuss our last miscarriage. She was very sweet on the phone and ended up changing the RE she was going to schedule us with saying that the new RE would be better with 'unique' stimulation cycles and has a background in early miscarriage. I also mentioned that we were working with an andrologist and when I mentioned his name she had nothing but the nicest things to say. She also said that she would give me a form to send to them so that they would request our records from the RE so that we would not have to interact with them. So far things have been positive, let's cross our fingers that this continues.
One set back though is that Hammer had a very high fever on Mother's Day, like 102+ temperature. That means if we do anything it cannot be until the end of July or early August as we are out a whole sperm cycle. It's a bummer but I'm not going to worry about it because I can't. We might not even end up doing anything regardless so worrying is just not worth it.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Moving Forward
We finally heard back on the results of our repeat DNA test. It has been great working with this doctor as he took so much time with us even on the phone. In his opinion he feels that we have moved into the normal range. Normal for people who do not need IUI’s or take up to a year to get pregnant are <20%. Since we now sit at below 30% we’re in the +1 year TTC, IUI and possibly IVF range so this is an improvement. He gave us some tips for TTC naturally but did recommend that we should still look for assistance only because it’s been such a long time. After some discussion between Hammer and I, we decided that we would at least get the second opinion. Dr. R gave us some suggestions for the RE’s in his area which he works with often and they were the same names that were recommended to us by others. So today I put in a call for an appointment with one of them. We’ll have to see when we can coordinate a trip to the clinic (~2 hours away) with our crazy schedules so I’ll post more when I know. Thank goodness I have family down there which would make any treatment we might do so much easier and a bit more affordable.
As far as naturally trying, Hammer and I have been doing the ‘Hopeful Protocol,’ as I like to call it, along with our TTC modifications for Hammer. I got this from the Happy Hopeful’s who are to welcome their first baby after TTC for several years and ended up getting prego this way. It involves taking the supplements evening primrose and flax seed oil during a cycle. It also has you take high amounts of soy isoflavones on the same days when you would have taken clomid which supposedly help make a healthier egg so it’s almost like poor man’s clomid. I can tell you that I definitely ovulate very ‘strong’ when I take this. This past month my temps started to go triphasic and I was late which I never have been before on the last three months taking these supplements (or ever for that matter). I even went out and bought some HPTs because I was two days late. I got a box of FRER and an EPT. The EPT was the only one where both Hammer and I swore there was a very, very faint start of a ‘+’ but that was all we got. So we think we might have had a ‘blip’ but there is no real way to confirm it. I am concerned that maybe the soy is messing up my lining similar to clomid so I’m taking a month or two off to see if it helps at all and made an appointment with my regular Gyn to see if she has any thoughts as well. We’ll still be doing the ‘prepping’ before TTC with some modifications as suggested by Dr. R on our phone conference. I now feel that I have the hang of the Ovacue and I love that it confirms ovulation (I got the extra attachment) which makes me feel more confident in our TTC efforts BUT we still have to use OPK’s to help us with timing things. So it’s not the money saver I was hoping for but when your DH has to do his thing for practically 2 weeks straight it is nice to tell him with confidence that he can take some time off. I’m actually feeling bad for him. I know it’s not like taking shots but seriously, if you were told you had to have a “big O” every day for two weeks imagine the pressure that would put on you. It’s not like with woman where getting prego doesn't depends on us having an “O” or not but it does require our DH’s to do so. And while it’s fun, I would l think 2 weeks straight of fun would really start to get old. He’s been a real trooper and I have to give him some credit. Thanks honey :)
As far as naturally trying, Hammer and I have been doing the ‘Hopeful Protocol,’ as I like to call it, along with our TTC modifications for Hammer. I got this from the Happy Hopeful’s who are to welcome their first baby after TTC for several years and ended up getting prego this way. It involves taking the supplements evening primrose and flax seed oil during a cycle. It also has you take high amounts of soy isoflavones on the same days when you would have taken clomid which supposedly help make a healthier egg so it’s almost like poor man’s clomid. I can tell you that I definitely ovulate very ‘strong’ when I take this. This past month my temps started to go triphasic and I was late which I never have been before on the last three months taking these supplements (or ever for that matter). I even went out and bought some HPTs because I was two days late. I got a box of FRER and an EPT. The EPT was the only one where both Hammer and I swore there was a very, very faint start of a ‘+’ but that was all we got. So we think we might have had a ‘blip’ but there is no real way to confirm it. I am concerned that maybe the soy is messing up my lining similar to clomid so I’m taking a month or two off to see if it helps at all and made an appointment with my regular Gyn to see if she has any thoughts as well. We’ll still be doing the ‘prepping’ before TTC with some modifications as suggested by Dr. R on our phone conference. I now feel that I have the hang of the Ovacue and I love that it confirms ovulation (I got the extra attachment) which makes me feel more confident in our TTC efforts BUT we still have to use OPK’s to help us with timing things. So it’s not the money saver I was hoping for but when your DH has to do his thing for practically 2 weeks straight it is nice to tell him with confidence that he can take some time off. I’m actually feeling bad for him. I know it’s not like taking shots but seriously, if you were told you had to have a “big O” every day for two weeks imagine the pressure that would put on you. It’s not like with woman where getting prego doesn't depends on us having an “O” or not but it does require our DH’s to do so. And while it’s fun, I would l think 2 weeks straight of fun would really start to get old. He’s been a real trooper and I have to give him some credit. Thanks honey :)
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Coming up for air
I’m sorry to have disappeared for such a long time but I’ve been around and trying to keep up with you all by reading your blogs although I’ve not been commenting. Before I update you all I’d like to congratulate those of you who have had surprise miracle pregnancies as they give me much hope and I really need that right about now.
I’ve realized that part of my issues is that my mind has had to have time to decompress and comprehend everything that happened. With our tragedy occurring around the winter holiday times and being so sudden it was like my mind had blockaded off my emotions and prevented me from dealing with what all had occurred. But then we had a life event that really brought it to the forefront.
The weekend before we realized we were pregnant, Hammer and I had attended my cousin’s wedding. It was a ‘shot-gun’ wedding as she was already 4 ½ months pregnant. So when March rolled around we received an invitation for her couples baby shower. Hammer and I have been very supportive of the whole situation (it’s so much more involved that I can get into here) so we knew we were going. But when the weekend of the shower arrived it brought with it all the emotions that had been locked away.
The best way I can describe it is this: Imagine if you were standing in front of a dam that was bursting at the seams. You knew that it was going to break but there was nowhere to run and no telling when it would happen. And then something triggered those walls to finally give way and the water poured forth consuming everything in its wake.
I was sitting at the shower realizing that as the eldest granddaughter I would not be the one to have the first great grandchild. And every woman at the shower was pregnant or had an infant with them (except for my aunt and grandmother of course). And then it hit me. If we had not lost our baby I would be pregnant right now. That was the trigger and I was completely consumed with all the emotions that had been bursting to come forward for months. Thank God Hammer had come with me to the shower so that he could get me out of there and fast. It was more than I could handle but it needed to happen and I’ve finally had to come to terms with my emotions. That’s why I’ve been quiet for some time because I didn’t even know to write about what was going on because it was all so much to take in.
During these past few weeks we also had our repeat DNA test. The results were better but not stellar. Hammer definitely has that rare issue where his pre-sperm are fine (before they grow their tail) but during the maturation process as they make their way to the tes.tes to await eja.culati.on they get bombarded by free radicals and it destroys the DNA. We went from 48% to 27%, so we almost cut it in half and it is good that it’s under 30%. But it still leaves us in the borderline abnormal range. We are waiting to hear back from our urologist with his recommendations and because of the Easter holiday and Hammer's travel, it’s been difficult to set up a phone conference.
I’ve also been setting things up to get my prerequisites done so that I can start my program next summer. Fertility or home study have been on the back burner until we knew the results of the repeat DNA but things may start moving one way or another in the next few months as well.
We’re also finally figuring things out with this Ovacue machine a bit better to help make it work to our advantage with Hammer’s issue. It was actually helpful to have the DNA test this cycle because it helped us figure out the best way for us to TTC naturally and at one point we swore that it might have worked but now we’re pretty sure AF is on the way. Maybe next month, right?
I’ve realized that part of my issues is that my mind has had to have time to decompress and comprehend everything that happened. With our tragedy occurring around the winter holiday times and being so sudden it was like my mind had blockaded off my emotions and prevented me from dealing with what all had occurred. But then we had a life event that really brought it to the forefront.
The weekend before we realized we were pregnant, Hammer and I had attended my cousin’s wedding. It was a ‘shot-gun’ wedding as she was already 4 ½ months pregnant. So when March rolled around we received an invitation for her couples baby shower. Hammer and I have been very supportive of the whole situation (it’s so much more involved that I can get into here) so we knew we were going. But when the weekend of the shower arrived it brought with it all the emotions that had been locked away.
The best way I can describe it is this: Imagine if you were standing in front of a dam that was bursting at the seams. You knew that it was going to break but there was nowhere to run and no telling when it would happen. And then something triggered those walls to finally give way and the water poured forth consuming everything in its wake.
I was sitting at the shower realizing that as the eldest granddaughter I would not be the one to have the first great grandchild. And every woman at the shower was pregnant or had an infant with them (except for my aunt and grandmother of course). And then it hit me. If we had not lost our baby I would be pregnant right now. That was the trigger and I was completely consumed with all the emotions that had been bursting to come forward for months. Thank God Hammer had come with me to the shower so that he could get me out of there and fast. It was more than I could handle but it needed to happen and I’ve finally had to come to terms with my emotions. That’s why I’ve been quiet for some time because I didn’t even know to write about what was going on because it was all so much to take in.
During these past few weeks we also had our repeat DNA test. The results were better but not stellar. Hammer definitely has that rare issue where his pre-sperm are fine (before they grow their tail) but during the maturation process as they make their way to the tes.tes to await eja.culati.on they get bombarded by free radicals and it destroys the DNA. We went from 48% to 27%, so we almost cut it in half and it is good that it’s under 30%. But it still leaves us in the borderline abnormal range. We are waiting to hear back from our urologist with his recommendations and because of the Easter holiday and Hammer's travel, it’s been difficult to set up a phone conference.
I’ve also been setting things up to get my prerequisites done so that I can start my program next summer. Fertility or home study have been on the back burner until we knew the results of the repeat DNA but things may start moving one way or another in the next few months as well.
We’re also finally figuring things out with this Ovacue machine a bit better to help make it work to our advantage with Hammer’s issue. It was actually helpful to have the DNA test this cycle because it helped us figure out the best way for us to TTC naturally and at one point we swore that it might have worked but now we’re pretty sure AF is on the way. Maybe next month, right?
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Living in Limbo
We have been praying for direction on what we should do next but we still do not have an answer. It has left us feeling like we are in a state of limbo. Do we move to adoption, pursue the second opinion, etc. We recently learned of a traditional adoption opportunity and while we prayed about it, it just didn't feel that we were being led to pursue it any further. How is it that we are pretty much offered a child and yet we're still being told 'no.' Maybe if we had the results of Hammer's DNA frag test it could help us make a decision about pursuing another fertility treatment but even that will be delayed. Hammer recently got a new position in his company that requires him to travel from now until July. This makes scheduling the DNA frag a nightmare because his travel schedule is only partially set and he could be scheduled for a trip at a moments notice and 10 days of prep would be wasted. On top of that we are trying to at least 'try' naturally which takes prep time as well and we can't do the test during that time.
I do have a question for anyone reading who had a D&C, ever since the procedure AF only seems to last for 2 days instead of my typical 3-4 days. I'm worried the procedure could have messed up my lining as I have read about that being a complication. This makes me worried that I won't have a decent lining during natural cycles even IF everything works. Is this just a temporary problem? I really don't want to talk to my RE about it as we're pretty much done with him. Just going back for our last meeting was beyond traumatizing so I really don't want to have to go back there again.
As far as trying naturally, I am starting my third cycle using the Ovacue. It's an ovulation predictor that reads the estrogen and progesterone changes in saliva and cervial mucus. The benefit with this predictor is that it predicts 5-7 days in advance so it should, in theory, give Hammer and I several days warning to prep before I ovulated. The first month we tried right after the miscarriage was a bust because I deleted all of my readings a week and a half into the month so it could never confirm if I ovulated. This past month it did show that I ovulated but Hammer ended up sick and prep time was not possible. It will be interesting to see what happens this month with trying to time things.
I do have a question for anyone reading who had a D&C, ever since the procedure AF only seems to last for 2 days instead of my typical 3-4 days. I'm worried the procedure could have messed up my lining as I have read about that being a complication. This makes me worried that I won't have a decent lining during natural cycles even IF everything works. Is this just a temporary problem? I really don't want to talk to my RE about it as we're pretty much done with him. Just going back for our last meeting was beyond traumatizing so I really don't want to have to go back there again.
As far as trying naturally, I am starting my third cycle using the Ovacue. It's an ovulation predictor that reads the estrogen and progesterone changes in saliva and cervial mucus. The benefit with this predictor is that it predicts 5-7 days in advance so it should, in theory, give Hammer and I several days warning to prep before I ovulated. The first month we tried right after the miscarriage was a bust because I deleted all of my readings a week and a half into the month so it could never confirm if I ovulated. This past month it did show that I ovulated but Hammer ended up sick and prep time was not possible. It will be interesting to see what happens this month with trying to time things.
Monday, February 7, 2011
A little piece of good news
We got Hammer's blood work back and it was normal for testosterone and estrodiol. So we are on track for a repeat DNA fragmentation test in March. Until then we'll be popping supplements, drinking more smoothies and giving another natural cycle the old college try :)
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Blog Awards
Rules for "I Love This Blog" and "Stylish Blogger" Awards:
- Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.
- Share 7 things about yourself.
- Award 15 other bloggers (Yikes, that's a lot!)
- Contact the bloggers and tell them about their award.
So first, a big THANK YOU to Kelly at Candid Confessions of a Southern Princess for the "I Love this Blog" award who just had her embryo transfer. Fingers crossed that those babies stick!
And another heartfelt THANK YOU to Brittany at Mommy-In-Waiting who is no longer waiting but a mommy to super cute baby John.
7 thing you might not know about Mrs. Hammer
- I sing back up vocals at our new church and just love serving our church in this capacity. Especially since Hammer is a drummer and it means we get to serve together.
- I usually work out at the fitness center in my building at lunch and time it so that I can watch my secrete addiction: Young and the Restless. Love those crazy Newmans!
- Since the D&C I've been treating myself to decaff coffee and I LOVE IT. Oh how I've missed you!
- I'm in the process of figuring out how to make going back to school a reality. How that looks with possibly seeing a different RE, I don't know yet. But it never hurts to look into it.
- I recently became an aunt...to a puppy named Ada. My brother just got a dog and she is so cute!!
- I love anything history related and therefore have become a huge fan of the Tudor's which is on Netf.licks. I know it's not historically accurate but I still love it!
- I got a snug.gie for Ch.ristmas. I know I fell victim to the infomercials but it's really awesome and it has monkeys on it; I love anything with monkeys!
Just a few of the blogs I love!
Paper Airplanes [private blog]
Whew! And I could post more but my hands have cramped up...
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thrombophila Results and Breaking Ties
Sorry for the delay in posting about our visit to the RE this week. I had started the post that afternoon but then I had a 3 day work trip the very next day. And to top it off the monitor on my laptop cracked so it was basically unusable and hence no lap top to write my post. But now I'm back home with a computer so here it is!
We met with our RE regarding all the thrombophilia blood work I had done and everything came back as normal except one: MTHFR A1298C heterozygous. Apparently if you have to have one, this is the one to have. Yea me. And we never would have known about it if I hadn’t pushed for the test. Seriously, we are our own best advocates.
So what does this mean? Well it could effect implantation as well as clots that could have cut off blood flow to the baby. Although our RE is in the camp of Drs that only partially believe that it’s a problem so he wasn’t much help there. Honestly being back in that clinic talking with a Dr. that I have lost my trust in was so emotional for me. And to top it all off, as the RE was going through my results he absent mindedly pulled out our last ultrasound photos to get them out of the way while reviewing our chart and left them right there IN FRONT OF ME. So the whole time I had to stare at these pictures. Who does that?!?! I was really too emotional to talk and Hammer asked most of the questions, he did a really good job speaking for us. Here are some of the questions and answers we got back:
So do you think the MTHFR is part of our issues?
Not necessarily but I would put you on Folgard in the future.
So then as far as a possible embryo adoption cycle, would you do anything different?
I’d irritate the uterine lining because it might help with implantation although we generally use that for women who cannot conceive and you have proven that you can. It would really just be prophylactic since I think it might be an implantation issue. I’d also do the folgard as discussed and increase the progesterone.
Interesting that you would increase the progesterone. Do you think that this was our issue since the progesterone was 6?
No, your corpus luetum at that point in time was gone and the placenta should have taken over in the progesterone production so that’s probably why it was low.
So you don’t think that the progesterone could have been low the entire time due to an IVF cycle where you needed to give me progesterone thus causing a potential clot and preventing the placenta from functioning correctly?
Well most women don’t even need progesterone but we give it anyway because we don’t know who those women are necessarily.
Right, but in my case I wasn’t on any progesterone for nearly four weeks so could I have been one of those women?
[Here is where our RE generally makes odd faces and grunts while he tries to come up with an answer and generally ends up just repeating himself]
So if we did another IVF cycle what would you do differently there?
Same thing as the embryo adoption: uterine irritation, Folgard, increased progesterone and assisted hatching. [way to read our record because we did that this time!] You could also take DHEA at 50 mg.
Wouldn’t you want to test my testosterone levels first?
No, you certainly wouldn’t have high testosterone [Red flag for me here ladies because from what I've read you should never give it without testing first!]
So you wouldn’t change up the stimulation at all?
No other than maybe give you another 75 units of stims.
When we had a follicle check by Dr. S, he asked if we were on a combination Clomid/Injectable regimen?
I would not do that. There isn't enough proof that it helps.
At this point I was completely done. I feel like the deadhorse in the proverbial saying and he has the whip. Seriously, what more can you get out of me using the same protocol every time! We basically ended the meeting with him telling us to take some time to come up with a plan on what we want to do next.
Afterward, Hammer and I sat in the car for a bit to talk and absorb everything. While we did not come up with a plan, we did both agree that we were done with this RE. Hammer himself said that he didn't feel our RE understood how to help couples that fall outside of the norm like us. Finally! He sees what I see!!! We did discuss getting a second opinion at a clinic an hour and a half away (and that was Hammer suggesting this too!) but we're not moving ahead with that right now. Although we have learned that this clinic basically takes the patients that ours cannot get pregnant and need more unique, individualized protocols. Honestly it's not a given that this will happen but Hammer is more open to still trying after the most recent events. I think now I understand why I felt unresolved about ending treatment before. I was so frustrated at why I could not feel resolved about our treatments coming to an end and ready to move forward with adoption. I felt a bit of jealously for people who had this clear direction that I was lacking. I'm not sure what God is doing right now, why he allowed this pregnancy to happen and end the way that it did. The way is not much clearer than before and we are still praying for direction but we do feel that we are closer than ever to figuring things out.
******
We met with our RE regarding all the thrombophilia blood work I had done and everything came back as normal except one: MTHFR A1298C heterozygous. Apparently if you have to have one, this is the one to have. Yea me. And we never would have known about it if I hadn’t pushed for the test. Seriously, we are our own best advocates.
So what does this mean? Well it could effect implantation as well as clots that could have cut off blood flow to the baby. Although our RE is in the camp of Drs that only partially believe that it’s a problem so he wasn’t much help there. Honestly being back in that clinic talking with a Dr. that I have lost my trust in was so emotional for me. And to top it all off, as the RE was going through my results he absent mindedly pulled out our last ultrasound photos to get them out of the way while reviewing our chart and left them right there IN FRONT OF ME. So the whole time I had to stare at these pictures. Who does that?!?! I was really too emotional to talk and Hammer asked most of the questions, he did a really good job speaking for us. Here are some of the questions and answers we got back:
So do you think the MTHFR is part of our issues?
Not necessarily but I would put you on Folgard in the future.
So then as far as a possible embryo adoption cycle, would you do anything different?
I’d irritate the uterine lining because it might help with implantation although we generally use that for women who cannot conceive and you have proven that you can. It would really just be prophylactic since I think it might be an implantation issue. I’d also do the folgard as discussed and increase the progesterone.
Interesting that you would increase the progesterone. Do you think that this was our issue since the progesterone was 6?
No, your corpus luetum at that point in time was gone and the placenta should have taken over in the progesterone production so that’s probably why it was low.
So you don’t think that the progesterone could have been low the entire time due to an IVF cycle where you needed to give me progesterone thus causing a potential clot and preventing the placenta from functioning correctly?
Well most women don’t even need progesterone but we give it anyway because we don’t know who those women are necessarily.
Right, but in my case I wasn’t on any progesterone for nearly four weeks so could I have been one of those women?
[Here is where our RE generally makes odd faces and grunts while he tries to come up with an answer and generally ends up just repeating himself]
So if we did another IVF cycle what would you do differently there?
Same thing as the embryo adoption: uterine irritation, Folgard, increased progesterone and assisted hatching. [way to read our record because we did that this time!] You could also take DHEA at 50 mg.
Wouldn’t you want to test my testosterone levels first?
No, you certainly wouldn’t have high testosterone [Red flag for me here ladies because from what I've read you should never give it without testing first!]
So you wouldn’t change up the stimulation at all?
No other than maybe give you another 75 units of stims.
When we had a follicle check by Dr. S, he asked if we were on a combination Clomid/Injectable regimen?
I would not do that. There isn't enough proof that it helps.
At this point I was completely done. I feel like the deadhorse in the proverbial saying and he has the whip. Seriously, what more can you get out of me using the same protocol every time! We basically ended the meeting with him telling us to take some time to come up with a plan on what we want to do next.
Afterward, Hammer and I sat in the car for a bit to talk and absorb everything. While we did not come up with a plan, we did both agree that we were done with this RE. Hammer himself said that he didn't feel our RE understood how to help couples that fall outside of the norm like us. Finally! He sees what I see!!! We did discuss getting a second opinion at a clinic an hour and a half away (and that was Hammer suggesting this too!) but we're not moving ahead with that right now. Although we have learned that this clinic basically takes the patients that ours cannot get pregnant and need more unique, individualized protocols. Honestly it's not a given that this will happen but Hammer is more open to still trying after the most recent events. I think now I understand why I felt unresolved about ending treatment before. I was so frustrated at why I could not feel resolved about our treatments coming to an end and ready to move forward with adoption. I felt a bit of jealously for people who had this clear direction that I was lacking. I'm not sure what God is doing right now, why he allowed this pregnancy to happen and end the way that it did. The way is not much clearer than before and we are still praying for direction but we do feel that we are closer than ever to figuring things out.
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