So we had beggars night in our neighborhood that ended just a few hours ago. We live in a 'young' neighborhood with young couples that have lots of babies. Almost everyone toted around their babies in all the cute little costumes they have now like pea pods, cows and teddy bears. I had the unfortunate situation of being alone tonight passing out candy and having to deal with the emotions that after 2 1/2 years I still do not get to dress up our child in an over-priced-only-wear-it-once-Halloween-costume. It sucked. And when it was over with I cried. Pathetic.
So I wandered up into our loft and pulled out my old bible. I have several; one I keep for more in depth studies, one that outlines prophecy, one in the common vernacular, etc. But I pulled out the bible my parents got for me when I was a teenager. It was like opening up an old friend with all the markings, notations and underlinings done from past trials. I sat there praying for some direction or hope. As I was wiping away my tears I opened it up and the following verse caught my attention:
"O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Then you will defile your idols overlaid with silver and your images covered with gold; you will throw them away like a menstrual cloth and say to them, "Away with you!" Isaiah 30 19-22
You have my attention now, I'm listening...
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Obama Fact Check
After last nights address by Obama I wanted to see if what he said was really all truth. Good ole Calvin Woodward came through again at the Associated Press:
"A sampling of what voters heard in the ad, and what he didn't tell them:
THE SPIN: "That's why my health care plan includes improving information technology, requires coverage for preventive care and pre-existing conditions and lowers health care costs for the typical family by $2,500 a year."
THE FACTS: His plan does not lower premiums by $2,500, or any set amount. Obama hopes that by spending $50 billion over five years on electronic medical records and by improving access to proven disease management programs, among other steps, consumers will end up saving money. He uses an optimistic analysis to suggest cost reductions in national health care spending could amount to the equivalent of $2,500 for a family of four. Many economists are skeptical those savings can be achieved, but even if they are, it's not a certainty that every dollar would be passed on to consumers in the form of lower premiums.
___
THE SPIN: "I also believe every American has a right to affordable health care."
THE FACTS: That belief should not be confused with a guarantee of health coverage for all. He makes no such promise. Obama hinted as much in the ad when he said about the problem of the uninsured: "I want to start doing something about it." He would mandate coverage for children but not adults. His program is aimed at making insurance more affordable by offering the choice of government-subsidized coverage similar to that in a plan for federal employees and other steps, including requiring larger employers to share costs of insuring workers.
___
THE SPIN: "I've offered spending cuts above and beyond their cost."
THE FACTS: Independent analysts say both Obama and Republican John McCain would deepen the deficit. The nonpartisan Committee for a Responsible Federal Budget estimates Obama's policy proposals would add a net $428 billion to the deficit over four years — and that analysis accepts the savings he claims from spending cuts. The nonpartisan Tax Policy Center, whose other findings have been quoted approvingly by the Obama campaign, says: "Both John McCain and Barack Obama have proposed tax plans that would substantially increase the national debt over the next 10 years." The analysis goes on to say: "Neither candidate's plan would significantly increase economic growth unless offset by spending cuts or tax increases that the campaigns have not specified."
___
THE SPIN: "Here's what I'll do. Cut taxes for every working family making less than $200,000 a year. Give businesses a tax credit for every new employee that they hire right here in the U.S. over the next two years and eliminate tax breaks for companies that ship jobs overseas. Help homeowners who are making a good faith effort to pay their mortgages, by freezing foreclosures for 90 days. And just like after 9-11, we'll provide low-cost loans to help small businesses pay their workers and keep their doors open. "
THE FACTS: His proposals — the tax cuts, the low-cost loans, the $15 billion a year he promises for alternative energy, and more — cost money, and the country could be facing a record $1 trillion deficit next year. Indeed, Obama recently acknowledged — although not in his commercial — that: "The next president will have to scale back his agenda and some of his proposals."
**Disclaimer: I am an Independant voter i.e., I associate with no political party and only vote for who I deem is the best candidate. I am still somewhat undecided and this post in no way is associated with how I intend to vote.
"A sampling of what voters heard in the ad, and what he didn't tell them:
THE SPIN: "That's why my health care plan includes improving information technology, requires coverage for preventive care and pre-existing conditions and lowers health care costs for the typical family by $2,500 a year."
THE FACTS: His plan does not lower premiums by $2,500, or any set amount. Obama hopes that by spending $50 billion over five years on electronic medical records and by improving access to proven disease management programs, among other steps, consumers will end up saving money. He uses an optimistic analysis to suggest cost reductions in national health care spending could amount to the equivalent of $2,500 for a family of four. Many economists are skeptical those savings can be achieved, but even if they are, it's not a certainty that every dollar would be passed on to consumers in the form of lower premiums.
___
THE SPIN: "I also believe every American has a right to affordable health care."
THE FACTS: That belief should not be confused with a guarantee of health coverage for all. He makes no such promise. Obama hinted as much in the ad when he said about the problem of the uninsured: "I want to start doing something about it." He would mandate coverage for children but not adults. His program is aimed at making insurance more affordable by offering the choice of government-subsidized coverage similar to that in a plan for federal employees and other steps, including requiring larger employers to share costs of insuring workers.
___
THE SPIN: "I've offered spending cuts above and beyond their cost."
THE FACTS: Independent analysts say both Obama and Republican John McCain would deepen the deficit. The nonpartisan Committee for a Responsible Federal Budget estimates Obama's policy proposals would add a net $428 billion to the deficit over four years — and that analysis accepts the savings he claims from spending cuts. The nonpartisan Tax Policy Center, whose other findings have been quoted approvingly by the Obama campaign, says: "Both John McCain and Barack Obama have proposed tax plans that would substantially increase the national debt over the next 10 years." The analysis goes on to say: "Neither candidate's plan would significantly increase economic growth unless offset by spending cuts or tax increases that the campaigns have not specified."
___
THE SPIN: "Here's what I'll do. Cut taxes for every working family making less than $200,000 a year. Give businesses a tax credit for every new employee that they hire right here in the U.S. over the next two years and eliminate tax breaks for companies that ship jobs overseas. Help homeowners who are making a good faith effort to pay their mortgages, by freezing foreclosures for 90 days. And just like after 9-11, we'll provide low-cost loans to help small businesses pay their workers and keep their doors open. "
THE FACTS: His proposals — the tax cuts, the low-cost loans, the $15 billion a year he promises for alternative energy, and more — cost money, and the country could be facing a record $1 trillion deficit next year. Indeed, Obama recently acknowledged — although not in his commercial — that: "The next president will have to scale back his agenda and some of his proposals."
**Disclaimer: I am an Independant voter i.e., I associate with no political party and only vote for who I deem is the best candidate. I am still somewhat undecided and this post in no way is associated with how I intend to vote.
Monday, October 27, 2008
*Sigh*
Ok so I'm fresh off my near death experience and already feeling down. Now I said that I was happy to be alive and to be able to try again next month if need be, and I am, but it's never easy. The pre-period cramping has begun and it's never been a good sign for someone like me. I think it's harder because it means we are going back to the RE next month. I'm just hoping that maybe I'm wrong. It's 10 dpo and my P-day is Nov 5th; that means 9 MORE days of waiting. Time to pray even harder now. *sigh*
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Nothing Like a Near Death Experience to Put Things Into Perspective
So my blog has been a bit silent for a while because the hub and I had been enjoying a relaxing week on Marco Island. It was an absolutely perfect week, even with a little rain passing through on Thursday and Friday. Our last day may have been raining but because of the storms overnight it was a great morning for shelling. Hub and I got up at 7 am to head out to the beach at sunrise. We got to see a beautiful rainbow, gorgeous sunrise, dolphins, flying fish, stingrays and collected every shell native to Florida including a sand dollar. It was a perfect end to a much needed vacation week.
The one thing I was dreading was the flight home. I'm not the best flier but I'm better than the hub who has to drug up to even GET on the plane. I've just had some bad flying luck and it's shaken my confidence a bit i.e., hit by lightening, jet stream roll on take off and near air miss to just name a few. So please note that I hate to fly in rain. I'd rather have snow than rain. Saturday morning we awoke to a heavy fog but it appeared to be clearing up. Unfortunately the rain started about 45 minutes before take off. As we were boarding and preparing for take off I started to get some very bad feelings. First, the flight crew were just way, way to happy and positive (what were they trying to compensate for?) Second, they dimmed the lights for take off which is done to keep passengers calm and on all my bad flights the crew did this. Third, we had the token bad flight/bad passenger issues e.g., the cell phone lady that had to be asked twice to turn it off while taxing down the runway, the inconsolable crying child, the elderly man who got out of his seat while we were still climbing through the clouds because he could not hold his pee pee, etc. I started to have this out-of-body experience where my subconscious was screaming at me that we should not be on this flight. And while I kept telling my hub that I was OK when he would ask, inside I was full of dread. Take off was rough as our pilot worked to get us up above the clouds and out of the storm. I hid my face in the hub's shoulder and kept telling myself that God was not finished with us yet and that we would live to adopt and/or have our own children which helped to calm me down.
While I was unsettled for most of the cruising altitude part, nothing bad really happened so I started to think that maybe it was all in my head. It wasn't. The pilot came on the overhead speakers prior to beginning our decent to tell us that it would be a "bumpy landing." "Bumpy", that's what he said, "bumpy." Now I've had "bumpy" plane rides but this was beyond "bumpy." What he should have said was that there was a storm going on down below and while it would be a difficult landing they would make sure they would land the plane safe and sound. I would have appreciated that a lot more and it may have given me more confidence during our half hour of life threatening turbulence.*
Our pilots attempted to keep the plane above the clouds as long as possible. As the plane finally began to descend into the clouds we began to feel the bumps and shaking that we had been told about. But it began to grow more intense the longer we were in it. The plane was fighting the wind and weather for all it was worth. It swayed side to side and would threaten to veer off course to the right or left. The wing flaps were running on overtime as the pilots fought to land the plane. I buried my face in my husband's shoulder again and began to pray with all my might. We could feel the speed of the plane increase, then decrease, then drop suddenly and careen off to the side. Passengers screamed and babies began wailing. Suddenly we broke through the clouds and could see the ground below. Rain poured down upon our plane and there was hope that the runway was near. My husband began telling me that it was almost over and tried to wrap both his arms around me but the turbulence was throwing us around so much it was necessary for him to use his free arm to brace himself. I heard the landing gears drop and began to feel encouraged that this would all come to an end soon. Without warning the tail lurched to the left, screams erupted from throughout the plane and we felt the pilot compensate to the right in order to straighten us out. Suddenly the plane accelerated and it felt like we were gaining in altitude all the while continuing to suffer massive turbulence. Amidst the whirring of the engines and wing flaps, I began telling my husband that I loved him, kissing him; basically saying my last goodbye's. We found ourselves back up in the low lying clouds. The captain came on the overhead, apologized for the aborted landing and that we would have to make a second attempt. So the last 15 minutes of turbulence were repeated as we circled around to the emergency runway. I asked my husband if we could drive from Baltimore and not take our connecting flight if we ever made it to the ground, which he agreed. Then I began a solid 15 minutes of out loud prayer for the pilots to land the plane and for peace with what could be our death. We finally broke through the clouds for the second time and made our way down closer and closer to the runway. This time we hit it with a huge bump that threw us all up into the air and then braking that thrust us back hard against our seats. The captain came on the overhead and said, "Whoooooaaaaaaa, Nelly! Ladies and Gentleman we have landed." This time clapping and celebratory shouting erupted from everyone. The poor gentleman beside me asked if I was alright. "I am now that we've landed" I replied. But that was enough for me. I was white as a ghost, shaken to the core, my legs were jello, and I could barely walk.
Our connecting flight was to take off within 20 minutes and you could not have gotten me on that plane if you had paid me. Why on earth would I have made it to the ground only to fly right back up into that mess. I had walked away with my life so why risk it again. My husband is awesome because we cancelled our connecting flight and rented a one-way car to make the 6 hour drive back home. I drove since it was my idea and it was wonderful to feel in control after such an event. On that trip we drove through the awful storm we had just flow through. It was so bad you could not see the car in front of us and we almost had to pull over to the side of the road to wait it out. There were multiple car accidents and we actually witnessed one between a Fire Bird and a truck with a multi-car trailer.
We pulled into town around 9 pm last night, dropped off the hub to get one of our cars and I took the rental back to the airport. I was also going to pick up our luggage so we hoped that it made the connecting flight since there was only 20 minutes to spare when we had landed in Baltimore. I saw our luggage in the Southwest baggage claim room but the door was locked and no one was around. I wandered around looking for a SW rep but ended up just asking another airline baggage claim attendant for help. She suggested the paging desk. The "Paging Desk" ended up being an unattended Information Desk that I past by five time's and finally noticed that a small acrylic sign holder mentioned paging. It said that if I wanted to page someone to go to my airline baggage claim office. Great. That was no help at all. So I wandered up stairs to find the ticketing desk which I couldn't find and every desk was empty save a cleaning lady sweeping in the American Airline's booth. At this point all the emotion of my horrible day hit me and I just shouted "I can't find anyone from Southwest!" A near by security guard looked at me and then walked away, the nerve! While a pilot who had been wandering around stopped and asked if he could help me. He was a young Australian pilot who had been grounded for the last six hours and no hope of flying out anytime soon. I just exploded on the guy with a teary eyed rambled synopsis of our flight, rental car, baggage issues, and ended it all with a "and I just want to get my bags and go home." That poor guy, no wonder the security guard avoided me. But this was a stand up guy. He just said, "let's see what I can do for you." So now I have a Pilot on my side. Oh yeah. He took me to the SW ticking office which we found was also unattended, did some asking around and when we went down to the baggage area I had two people there to help me. So thanks pilot guy, you rock!
And I got the scoop. Apparently the storm we had managed to land in had ended up grounding planes all across the east coast. It had grounded his plane and no one was going in or out of any airport. I told him he should be thankful and recounted, in a much calmer tone, our trials with landing. He agreed that it was a bad day for flying but encouraged me that SW only employs ex-military pilots and if anyone could land a plane in that kind of weather it was them, we were in good hands.**
I have never been so happy to be home and see familiar places. As the hub and I drove back from the airport alive and with our luggage I began telling everything I saw that I love it out loud. For example, "I love you Wonder bread factory with all the yummy smells you tempt me with on my drive to work, I love you Greek Orthodox Church and the Greek festival you hold annually to fill my belly with delicious foods, I love you Smith Brother's Hardware Warehouse that isn't actually a hardware warehouse but just a really cool building with offices, you get the picture. And while most people dread going back to work after a wonderful vacation I am totally thrilled just to be alive so that I am able to go back to work. I'm seriously going to hug all of my coworkers on Monday.
*I want to note that I have all the respect in the world for our pilots and Southwest airlines. If not for them I would probably be dead. In fact I actually have more respect for the pilots who fly for Southwest because they are ex-military pilots i.e. very, very well trained. God bless you for saving our lives and if I ever get on a plane again it will always be with your company.
**I could not have agreed with him more.
On a side note: As I sit here DPO 9 I have to say that no matter what happens this month I am just happy to be alive to have the chance to try again next month. Funny how facing death will do that to a person. Although I don't really recommend it. Very scary.
The one thing I was dreading was the flight home. I'm not the best flier but I'm better than the hub who has to drug up to even GET on the plane. I've just had some bad flying luck and it's shaken my confidence a bit i.e., hit by lightening, jet stream roll on take off and near air miss to just name a few. So please note that I hate to fly in rain. I'd rather have snow than rain. Saturday morning we awoke to a heavy fog but it appeared to be clearing up. Unfortunately the rain started about 45 minutes before take off. As we were boarding and preparing for take off I started to get some very bad feelings. First, the flight crew were just way, way to happy and positive (what were they trying to compensate for?) Second, they dimmed the lights for take off which is done to keep passengers calm and on all my bad flights the crew did this. Third, we had the token bad flight/bad passenger issues e.g., the cell phone lady that had to be asked twice to turn it off while taxing down the runway, the inconsolable crying child, the elderly man who got out of his seat while we were still climbing through the clouds because he could not hold his pee pee, etc. I started to have this out-of-body experience where my subconscious was screaming at me that we should not be on this flight. And while I kept telling my hub that I was OK when he would ask, inside I was full of dread. Take off was rough as our pilot worked to get us up above the clouds and out of the storm. I hid my face in the hub's shoulder and kept telling myself that God was not finished with us yet and that we would live to adopt and/or have our own children which helped to calm me down.
While I was unsettled for most of the cruising altitude part, nothing bad really happened so I started to think that maybe it was all in my head. It wasn't. The pilot came on the overhead speakers prior to beginning our decent to tell us that it would be a "bumpy landing." "Bumpy", that's what he said, "bumpy." Now I've had "bumpy" plane rides but this was beyond "bumpy." What he should have said was that there was a storm going on down below and while it would be a difficult landing they would make sure they would land the plane safe and sound. I would have appreciated that a lot more and it may have given me more confidence during our half hour of life threatening turbulence.*
Our pilots attempted to keep the plane above the clouds as long as possible. As the plane finally began to descend into the clouds we began to feel the bumps and shaking that we had been told about. But it began to grow more intense the longer we were in it. The plane was fighting the wind and weather for all it was worth. It swayed side to side and would threaten to veer off course to the right or left. The wing flaps were running on overtime as the pilots fought to land the plane. I buried my face in my husband's shoulder again and began to pray with all my might. We could feel the speed of the plane increase, then decrease, then drop suddenly and careen off to the side. Passengers screamed and babies began wailing. Suddenly we broke through the clouds and could see the ground below. Rain poured down upon our plane and there was hope that the runway was near. My husband began telling me that it was almost over and tried to wrap both his arms around me but the turbulence was throwing us around so much it was necessary for him to use his free arm to brace himself. I heard the landing gears drop and began to feel encouraged that this would all come to an end soon. Without warning the tail lurched to the left, screams erupted from throughout the plane and we felt the pilot compensate to the right in order to straighten us out. Suddenly the plane accelerated and it felt like we were gaining in altitude all the while continuing to suffer massive turbulence. Amidst the whirring of the engines and wing flaps, I began telling my husband that I loved him, kissing him; basically saying my last goodbye's. We found ourselves back up in the low lying clouds. The captain came on the overhead, apologized for the aborted landing and that we would have to make a second attempt. So the last 15 minutes of turbulence were repeated as we circled around to the emergency runway. I asked my husband if we could drive from Baltimore and not take our connecting flight if we ever made it to the ground, which he agreed. Then I began a solid 15 minutes of out loud prayer for the pilots to land the plane and for peace with what could be our death. We finally broke through the clouds for the second time and made our way down closer and closer to the runway. This time we hit it with a huge bump that threw us all up into the air and then braking that thrust us back hard against our seats. The captain came on the overhead and said, "Whoooooaaaaaaa, Nelly! Ladies and Gentleman we have landed." This time clapping and celebratory shouting erupted from everyone. The poor gentleman beside me asked if I was alright. "I am now that we've landed" I replied. But that was enough for me. I was white as a ghost, shaken to the core, my legs were jello, and I could barely walk.
Our connecting flight was to take off within 20 minutes and you could not have gotten me on that plane if you had paid me. Why on earth would I have made it to the ground only to fly right back up into that mess. I had walked away with my life so why risk it again. My husband is awesome because we cancelled our connecting flight and rented a one-way car to make the 6 hour drive back home. I drove since it was my idea and it was wonderful to feel in control after such an event. On that trip we drove through the awful storm we had just flow through. It was so bad you could not see the car in front of us and we almost had to pull over to the side of the road to wait it out. There were multiple car accidents and we actually witnessed one between a Fire Bird and a truck with a multi-car trailer.
We pulled into town around 9 pm last night, dropped off the hub to get one of our cars and I took the rental back to the airport. I was also going to pick up our luggage so we hoped that it made the connecting flight since there was only 20 minutes to spare when we had landed in Baltimore. I saw our luggage in the Southwest baggage claim room but the door was locked and no one was around. I wandered around looking for a SW rep but ended up just asking another airline baggage claim attendant for help. She suggested the paging desk. The "Paging Desk" ended up being an unattended Information Desk that I past by five time's and finally noticed that a small acrylic sign holder mentioned paging. It said that if I wanted to page someone to go to my airline baggage claim office. Great. That was no help at all. So I wandered up stairs to find the ticketing desk which I couldn't find and every desk was empty save a cleaning lady sweeping in the American Airline's booth. At this point all the emotion of my horrible day hit me and I just shouted "I can't find anyone from Southwest!" A near by security guard looked at me and then walked away, the nerve! While a pilot who had been wandering around stopped and asked if he could help me. He was a young Australian pilot who had been grounded for the last six hours and no hope of flying out anytime soon. I just exploded on the guy with a teary eyed rambled synopsis of our flight, rental car, baggage issues, and ended it all with a "and I just want to get my bags and go home." That poor guy, no wonder the security guard avoided me. But this was a stand up guy. He just said, "let's see what I can do for you." So now I have a Pilot on my side. Oh yeah. He took me to the SW ticking office which we found was also unattended, did some asking around and when we went down to the baggage area I had two people there to help me. So thanks pilot guy, you rock!
And I got the scoop. Apparently the storm we had managed to land in had ended up grounding planes all across the east coast. It had grounded his plane and no one was going in or out of any airport. I told him he should be thankful and recounted, in a much calmer tone, our trials with landing. He agreed that it was a bad day for flying but encouraged me that SW only employs ex-military pilots and if anyone could land a plane in that kind of weather it was them, we were in good hands.**
I have never been so happy to be home and see familiar places. As the hub and I drove back from the airport alive and with our luggage I began telling everything I saw that I love it out loud. For example, "I love you Wonder bread factory with all the yummy smells you tempt me with on my drive to work, I love you Greek Orthodox Church and the Greek festival you hold annually to fill my belly with delicious foods, I love you Smith Brother's Hardware Warehouse that isn't actually a hardware warehouse but just a really cool building with offices, you get the picture. And while most people dread going back to work after a wonderful vacation I am totally thrilled just to be alive so that I am able to go back to work. I'm seriously going to hug all of my coworkers on Monday.
*I want to note that I have all the respect in the world for our pilots and Southwest airlines. If not for them I would probably be dead. In fact I actually have more respect for the pilots who fly for Southwest because they are ex-military pilots i.e. very, very well trained. God bless you for saving our lives and if I ever get on a plane again it will always be with your company.
**I could not have agreed with him more.
On a side note: As I sit here DPO 9 I have to say that no matter what happens this month I am just happy to be alive to have the chance to try again next month. Funny how facing death will do that to a person. Although I don't really recommend it. Very scary.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Never trust a women with a Sam's Club sized bottle of Robitussin on her desk
I must look really suspicious at work right now because I have the biggest bottle of Robitussin ever made sitting right out for everyone to see. But it's totally worth it. I'm giving this last month one more try. I'm pulling out the Robitussin and taking my iron pills.
My Goals:
1. quality cervical mucus
2. quality endometrial lining
But I have to say, that Tussin is nasty. I have always had an aversion to cherry lifesavers because they remind me of cough medicine. Now I find myself chugging it down like it's going out of style. Oh the things we do for fertility. I figure if a miracle happens this month and we get pregnant I'd rather complain about nasty cherry flavored cough syrup than feeling like a human pin cushion from IVF shots. And this may be TMI but I think the stuff is working already. Oh please God, let it be this month!
My Goals:
1. quality cervical mucus
2. quality endometrial lining
But I have to say, that Tussin is nasty. I have always had an aversion to cherry lifesavers because they remind me of cough medicine. Now I find myself chugging it down like it's going out of style. Oh the things we do for fertility. I figure if a miracle happens this month and we get pregnant I'd rather complain about nasty cherry flavored cough syrup than feeling like a human pin cushion from IVF shots. And this may be TMI but I think the stuff is working already. Oh please God, let it be this month!
On The Water
Today I went to Christmas Choir rehearsals and our worship band was having their weekly practice as well. We're having a guest worship leader this week so he was asked to speak to us on some 'reflective topic' of his choosing prior to starting practice. I was surprised but his words really spoke to me.
He told the story of his daughter who suddenly began experiencing seizures. When he was praying over the situation he thought of the Gospel story in Matthew 14 where Jesus walked on water. He likened himself to Peter who said, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water." And He said, "Come!" And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus." What faith Peter had to step out on the water and believe that he could walk on it as Jesus had done. Yet even though he was walking on water, when he saw the storm around him, Peter was afraid and began to sink.
It's amazing to me when you have a faith that would lead you out to walk on water that you would suddenly doubt the power of God when a little storm comes up. But yet we do all the time. I have been doing that. Infertility is my storm. Here I was, walking in faith everyday and seeing God show himself to me. But when the storm of infertility hit I was shaken and have found myself to be sinking.
The best part about the story of Peter is this, "But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" For someone to help you immediately they have to be right there next to you. Jesus didn't lunge and he didn't rush over to help; he immediately stretched out his hand. I need that mental image. That picture of Jesus right by my side ready to pull me up from sinking from my own fear and doubt, if I would just cry out. I have the faith to step out on the water, I just need the faith to not fear the storm and know that He is right there next to me.
He told the story of his daughter who suddenly began experiencing seizures. When he was praying over the situation he thought of the Gospel story in Matthew 14 where Jesus walked on water. He likened himself to Peter who said, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water." And He said, "Come!" And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus." What faith Peter had to step out on the water and believe that he could walk on it as Jesus had done. Yet even though he was walking on water, when he saw the storm around him, Peter was afraid and began to sink.
It's amazing to me when you have a faith that would lead you out to walk on water that you would suddenly doubt the power of God when a little storm comes up. But yet we do all the time. I have been doing that. Infertility is my storm. Here I was, walking in faith everyday and seeing God show himself to me. But when the storm of infertility hit I was shaken and have found myself to be sinking.
The best part about the story of Peter is this, "But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" For someone to help you immediately they have to be right there next to you. Jesus didn't lunge and he didn't rush over to help; he immediately stretched out his hand. I need that mental image. That picture of Jesus right by my side ready to pull me up from sinking from my own fear and doubt, if I would just cry out. I have the faith to step out on the water, I just need the faith to not fear the storm and know that He is right there next to me.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
You've got to be kidding me, seriously?
Ok so today I had the oddest phone call. I was at work.
[Background on work: I work for the WIC program and I am an administration consultant i.e. all the local WIC projects call me when they have questions that are out of their league etc. I also do many other things but it would take too long and bore the heck out of anyone who bothers to even read this]
So one of my local projects gives me a call and we do the work chat and I answer her questions. Then when that is out of the way we typically chat for a bit on a more personal level i.e. how is your day going, any fun plans this weekend etc. You get the picture.
Not today. Today instead of asking "How's it going up there?" I get; "So, any exciting news you want to share?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, "Things are pretty normal here, just working on some projects, you know."
"No," she says, "Anything exciting about you personally that you want to share."
Now I'm starting to realize what she is getting at and I can't believe this is happening. She is actually suggesting that I may be pregnant and has me cornered. Of course, I've been doing evasive maneuvers in this area for almost three years now so I have a few tricks of my own.
"We'll today is my birthday and I'm going out to dinner tonight" I say as nonchalantly as possible.
"Oh, well, happy birthday but isn't there anything else?"
HOLY CRAP! Could she BE anymore obnoxious? "I'm getting my new bike that I asked my husband for as my birthday present? I'm not sure what else you mean?"
"Oh," she says sounding disappointed, "I thought you might be telling me you were expecting."
I can't believe she did that! I don't think I'm overreacting, she was completely out of line. I quickly diverted the topic off of me and prattled on that I wasn't expecting but my coworker was and that she'd see how cute she looked in November when we all will be getting together. It seemed to work pretty well and we ended up on the subject of vacations.
Ironically, she is going to be in Florida the same week that I will be but fortunately two hours away from us. When she heard this she actually said, "See I knew that you had something to tell me. I'm telepathic you know, seriously. I just thought that it might be something else."
YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME, SERIOUSLY? So a telepathic nosey person gives me a call on my 30th birthday to pester me about being pregnant. Why today? Today I'm trying to forget that I'm 30 and infertile. Maybe evil forces are trying to bring me down or tempt me from trusting in God.
I know what you may be thinking; it's a sign, right? I'm done with signs. I've fallen for them a few times already. For example, a coworker stops at my cube and tells me that she had a dream the other night that I was pregnant but not telling anyone at work. Now at the time I was two days from ovulating so I totally took this as a sign and got my hopes up. If you've read my history you will know that I didn't end up pregnant but instead ended up with another broken heart. So I'm not taking this as a sign.
Ugh, I just realized that today I'm two days from ovulating just like the last time. Maybe that's my sign. When people tell me they think I'm prego and its two days from Oing the month is a bust, HA!
Alright, I think I've defeated the evil temptation of feeling blah on my birthday. I'm off to my birthday dinner. No Martini's for me this year but I can still have fun.
[Background on work: I work for the WIC program and I am an administration consultant i.e. all the local WIC projects call me when they have questions that are out of their league etc. I also do many other things but it would take too long and bore the heck out of anyone who bothers to even read this]
So one of my local projects gives me a call and we do the work chat and I answer her questions. Then when that is out of the way we typically chat for a bit on a more personal level i.e. how is your day going, any fun plans this weekend etc. You get the picture.
Not today. Today instead of asking "How's it going up there?" I get; "So, any exciting news you want to share?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, "Things are pretty normal here, just working on some projects, you know."
"No," she says, "Anything exciting about you personally that you want to share."
Now I'm starting to realize what she is getting at and I can't believe this is happening. She is actually suggesting that I may be pregnant and has me cornered. Of course, I've been doing evasive maneuvers in this area for almost three years now so I have a few tricks of my own.
"We'll today is my birthday and I'm going out to dinner tonight" I say as nonchalantly as possible.
"Oh, well, happy birthday but isn't there anything else?"
HOLY CRAP! Could she BE anymore obnoxious? "I'm getting my new bike that I asked my husband for as my birthday present? I'm not sure what else you mean?"
"Oh," she says sounding disappointed, "I thought you might be telling me you were expecting."
I can't believe she did that! I don't think I'm overreacting, she was completely out of line. I quickly diverted the topic off of me and prattled on that I wasn't expecting but my coworker was and that she'd see how cute she looked in November when we all will be getting together. It seemed to work pretty well and we ended up on the subject of vacations.
Ironically, she is going to be in Florida the same week that I will be but fortunately two hours away from us. When she heard this she actually said, "See I knew that you had something to tell me. I'm telepathic you know, seriously. I just thought that it might be something else."
YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME, SERIOUSLY? So a telepathic nosey person gives me a call on my 30th birthday to pester me about being pregnant. Why today? Today I'm trying to forget that I'm 30 and infertile. Maybe evil forces are trying to bring me down or tempt me from trusting in God.
I know what you may be thinking; it's a sign, right? I'm done with signs. I've fallen for them a few times already. For example, a coworker stops at my cube and tells me that she had a dream the other night that I was pregnant but not telling anyone at work. Now at the time I was two days from ovulating so I totally took this as a sign and got my hopes up. If you've read my history you will know that I didn't end up pregnant but instead ended up with another broken heart. So I'm not taking this as a sign.
Ugh, I just realized that today I'm two days from ovulating just like the last time. Maybe that's my sign. When people tell me they think I'm prego and its two days from Oing the month is a bust, HA!
Alright, I think I've defeated the evil temptation of feeling blah on my birthday. I'm off to my birthday dinner. No Martini's for me this year but I can still have fun.
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