Saturday, September 10, 2011

Treatment

Thursday morning, the day after learning about our third failed pregnancy, I called my Gyn to see if they could give the methotrexate shot. I was very happy to learn that they do give the treatment in the office and my Dr. was more than willing to follow my care. I guess that's just a benefit of having been her patient for a very long time. She knows our whole story and had her personal nurse, T, arrange everything for me. My dad, who is recently retired, offered to drive me there as Hammer could not get home in time since I was given an early appointment. I was so glad to not be alone. When my dad pulled up he even gave me a basket of flowers and chocolate, so sweet.

At my Drs office, nurse T took me back right away and got all my vitals to correctly mix the methotrexate. My Dr was on hospital call at the time so she had one of her partners give me the medication. He was such a sweet man and spent a ton of time with me talking about what to expect, my history, and just been kind and encouraging. Everyone was just so kind during a difficult time. Apparently I am a great candidate for the shot which made me feel better about chosing this treatment. My HCG is well under the 5,000 cut off - it's 1,900; our gestational sac did not show any signs of viability - no yolk sac, fetal pole; and I'm in the 6 week window when treatment was given. So I guess this is one time I can be very thankful for a poorly developing pregnancy.

They gave me the medication in two doses so I had two shots in each of my hips. Apparently it get's absorbed better this way so it acts quicker. The shots burned going in and hurt for about 20 minutes. I also had to get a Rhogham shot because I'm Rh- so my bum was pretty darn sore when I left. I was grateful my dad was driving because it was uncomfortable to sit let alone have to drive my car which is stick shift.

Apparently it takes about 3 days for this to kick in so at this point I have a little less than 24 hours before it hits. I was told to take it easy so no lifting, twisting etc. that could cause my tube to rupture while waiting for the medication to finally kick in. What I didn't realize is that even when it is working there is still a chance of rupture so I am not out of the woods until my hcg is negative. So I will have to cancel a work trip as it's too much of a risk for me to be in the middle of nowhere and have something happen. Right now I feel a bit queasy and have a headache which is a typical side effect as methotrexate is a chemotherapy drug. When this stuff kicks in I should have crazy cramps. Ironically after having spotted for the last two weeks I haven't spotted once since Tuesday. Strange how I fought for two weeks to not spot and now all I want is to bleed and get this over with.

Emotionally, we are both taking this pretty hard. Hammer was 100% convinced it had worked. I was a bit skeptical because of all the bleeding. I just had this feeling I could not shake that something was wrong but honestly I went in hopeful that I was wrong as I had been wrong before. But when the u/s zoomed in on my uterus and I saw it was empty I turned to Hammer and shook my head, he just started tearing up and squeezed my hand so tight. Neither one of us ever thought ectopic though so it was quite a shock. I think it's finally sinking in but we are both so heartbroken.

9 comments:

JJG said...

I read your post and my heart breaks for you. I recently found your blog. I too had 3 losses in a row. I never thought I would have a baby and had never felt as devestated or hopeless as I did after the 3rd. The 4th one stuck...it can and WILL Happen for you!!

Allison (Ali) said...

Sending hugs. No matter the how or the why it sucks. Xoxo

cady said...

My heart breaks for you. I'm thinking about you and Hammer.

Allison said...

My heart is breaking for you guys. Sending prayers and hugs and good thoughts your way.

Hillary said...

Continuing to pray for you. This is so devastating :(

Much love to you and your husband.

makingmemom.blogspot.com

Miss Megan said...

Oh no....I'm thinking of you....this sucks big time. So sorry you are having to go through this =(. I hope the medication works quickly so you can move on. I honestly don't know how anyone doesn't take a loss hard. I always found them to be very difficult. I will be praying for you guys.

kdactyl said...

I am so heartbroken for you both as well. YOu have been on my mind for days and I am praying this medication works and this will be over quickly. Once again...I am so sorry this has happened to you. Many hugs.

Karaleen

BB said...

OMG, I am just reading your update. I am in tears - sorry is not enough. Thinking of you! {HUGS}

Conor said...

Hugs and chocolate. Its all I can offer...