Tuesday, March 31, 2009

It's Official

We are NOT moving to New Jersey! (Cue huge sigh of relief) It's also official that I have fallen off the face of the blogosphere for the last week or so but with good reason. We had a lot going on in my family with my uncle's passing on Monday March 23rd. This was my uncle who was battling brain cancer. He left behind a wife and six children ages 22 to 8. My mom, dad and I were very involved in the arrangements so I took off most of last week and was too preoccupied with everything it involved to find time to blog.

As far as this past cycle, A.flow arrived a day early on Thursday last week. Honestly I was too wrapped up in my uncle's funeral to be sad about my period showing up. The funeral did interrupt our plans to get Hammer's test done so we are behind and will need to get that done some time this week. I also need to catch up on my blog reading too.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

The Wrench

Hammer got a job offer yesterday. He wasn't even looking for a job. It's a great promotion, high level position, great pay.

It's in New Jersey.

I don't even know anyone in New Jersey nor have I ever had any desire to move there. I actually don't like large cities. I like grass and trees and SPACE. I know that there are some areas that are suburb-like but it's still too close to a massively large city i.e. NYC.

His point was that if we were going to move and experience a new city we should do it now. My point is that it's three years too late. Meaning that people move to new cities to experience things BEFORE they are ready to start having kids. We have been ready for almost three years now, three long difficult years. We are established with a RE and possibly getting ready to do IVF in a few months. He is wondering if we can delay a move for a few months to do IVF but it leaves so many what if's:

1. What if I get OHSS and our IVF gets cancelled; can we put off a move for another two months to try IVF again?
2. What if IVF fails; will we still move or try again?
3. If we move whether it works or not what about our eggs and embryos if we have any left over?
4. He thinks we can come back and do IVF but in reality I am the one coming back for all the u/s and blood work because he certainly will not take off two months vacation to wait around for the IVF process which means I'll be alone feeling like one of those unmarried women who did IVF with a sperm donor. (this is my most ridiculous scenario but I'm freaking out here people)
5. What if it does work and I have to leave all my family and friends during the moment that we've been waiting for? I wont get to experience all of this with them because I will be ALONE, IN NEW JERSEY!
6. What if I end up with multiples and I NEED my family more than ever to help out? Except I'll be ALONE, IN NEW JERSEY!

I could go on and on with tons of different scenarios that would just push me further into a stressed state. (And I was feeling so good the other day. What is happening?) Obviously we are praying over this but everything in my body and soul says, "No, no no no." If he takes this job he will be working ALL THE TIME. He already works late nights and I've talked to him several times about this not being healthy and that he cannot do this when we have kids. That he is making bad work habits now that will not work in the future when he has a family. I hate to be the one to squash his opportunity for his career but I just don't think this is worth sacrificing our opportunity to have a family.

Please pray that we can make the right decision together, that if I'm not being open to something God has brought into our lives that it would be made known, and that we have direction on making the best decision for the future family we so desperately want to have someday.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

"I'm not knocked up, just FAT"

This title would be my version of the shirt a 19 year old girl wore into the WIC clinic today. She walked in with her cute little belly and a blaring pink shirt that read, "I'm not fat, just KNOCKED UP." I guess I'm not really fat either but those fertility drugs have not done me any favors. Nor have the months where I wasn't really working out as much because it could possibly, maybe affect our ability to get pregnant. What I've realized is that I don't really feel healthy anymore and how can being unhealthy make you prepared to carry a healthy pregnancy if God were to bless us?

So this week I've really embraced getting healthy. Even though I'm out in the field I've brought my yoga mat along with me. Hammer downloaded the podcast yogamazing which is AWESOME. I've really enjoyed waking up and stretching out my muscles and I've already noticed the tone returning to my arms since I picked up yoga again (about a month ago.) And I've loved the Kroger right by my hotel which has an amazing salad bar and selection of organic products. I'm in shock over this because I'm literally in podunkville and their Kroger kicks my Kroger's butt. I'm not complaining too much because our store is being remodeled and I'm hoping it's just as great when it's all done.

I'm actually just feeling really blessed and encouraged. Even though I'm back to hanging out with pregnant women all day I'm not really feeling bothered about it. God knows I needed His protection again this week and He delivered.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

The Advisor

So a blog friend told me about the baby name advisor and I had to try it out. And then I had to share it with all of you. Enjoy! Oh and post your results via comments because some of them are just too funny.

Our results
Boy - Charles: The German name Charles means - farmer; The English name Charles means - strong and manly.
Girl - Alison: The English name Alison means - A form of Alice meaning "noble" or "bright." Among notable people with this name are actress Allison Janney and country singer Allison Moorer. [I actually have no idea who these people are...]

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Bits and Pieces

So after doing the math and POAS (OPK) I realized that a) I ovulated on day 12 (woo ho!) and b) that we won't have enough days abstinence post BDing and getting Hammer's sample to the lab before my trip. Now for some this might not make sense but we've made a decision in this process to not have Hammer do solo samples. The reason is that I've personally known couples who, after going through IVF, ended up with the husband becoming addicted to porn and it has become a burden to their marriage. I know it sounds extreme but when we prayed over IF treatments we both felt convicted on this point and committed to 'no solo samples.' Yes this does mean that we have a risk of decreased numbers due to transport delays but we both feel that by honoring our marriage with this choice, God will honor us in our journey.

So that means we won't be able to get our results till after 3/23. But its a-OK because it will still give us enough time to decide if we need to start IVF in late April. It sounds crazy but there is a part of me that kind of hopes that we'll have to do IVF in April even though that means Hammer would have bad morphology. I've been praying over this and realized that I might feel more security in the IVF process than in trusting God by delaying IVF. Yuck, just when you think you've worked things out up pops more trust issues. But growth is part of this whole process. By recognizing this it's helped me to be more open to trying chiropractics, which is what I asked for prayer with a few weeks ago. So that part is awesome.

I also noticed something strange this month. Typically when I ovulate one side of my abdomen feels sore from which ever ovary had the follicle. This month BOTH felt sore. In fact so sore that it hurt to lay on my tummy for my adjustment at the chiropractor. The fact that lefty was sore is amazing because that probably meant she was participating again. I'm still holding out for our miracle so that we can start our family the 'old fashioned way' so any prayers would be welcomed.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Results are In!

OK I just got off the phone with my RE's nurse. The good news is that my FSH is 4.9. Yeah!

For those of you who have questions about FSH check out this link where the Advanced Fertility Center of Chicago does a nice job explaining what a day 3 FSH is and gives a great table for ranges and defines how they can be interpreted.

They define an FSH of 4.9 as, "Reassuring level. Expect a good response to ovarian stimulation." because any thing under 10 is good.

I also had my TSH tested again and it keeps going up...it went from 2.2, 2.7, and now 3.37. I asked the RN about this but her response was that my RE looked at and was not concerned. But I'm concerned! There is evidence that elevated TSH can affect implantation. I'm actually really bothered by this but maybe they are not concerned because they think IVF will by pass this??? Does anyone know anything more about this? I've read that for women that are trying to get pregnant they want their levels under 2.5 and the fact that mine are slowly going up is concerning to me because I have a family history of endocrine disease.

*Sigh* As far as our infertility plan this means that Hammer is up next for his SA with strict morphology. Hopefully we can get this done this week since I am in town but out again next week (I told you I had crazy travel going on!). I would love to have our last test done so that we can know for sure what our next steps will be.

Recap of next steps:
If Hammer fails his SA we will be doing IVF staring the end of April
If Hammer passes his SA we will be holding off on IVF until around July to see if this Chiropractic treatment can help us.

I'll keep you all posted.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Another Waiting Game

I still have not heard back on my labs yet for my FSH and prolactin. I'm starting to think the RN for my RE is not the best about calling with lab results. It probably does not help that I'm out of town on business again (actually I just got back). But it does make it harder to call her when my day is spent auditing clinics. Oh well I hope to have a lab report on Monday. Have a good weekend everyone!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The Peanut(s) Need Your Prayers!!!

Please take a moment and pray for Erin and Tom at Hoping for Our Own Peanut, they just went through IVF (transferred 2 embabies) this month and had their first BFP and beta of 89. But the subsequent beta did not double as they hoped. They are very fearful for their peanut(s) and could use all the prayer and support they can get.

UPDATE: All appears to be well now! The power of prayer is awesome.

Monday, March 2, 2009

A Weekend of Me

I know it sounds selfish but I really needed a weekend to take care of myself. After my week of being knocked around at work and out of sorts from my travel I realized one thing: Very few people were looking out for my well being. So I needed to make sure that I was being taken care of. So that meant going to bed early on Friday so I could get some good rest. Then on Saturday I set up a session at Dream Dinners. If you've never heard of it, you go there and package meals that can be frozen and then later pulled out and defrosted for dinner. It's so great to have when things are really really busy.

After that I got my hair cut and colored. It looks so cute! And then it was off to dinner with our friends. Sunday was relaxing. We went to church, hung out with friends afterwards and then just did laundry and watched a movie before heading to bed. I hope everyone had a relaxing weekend too!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Like Peas and Carrots

That's what Aunt Flow and I are like right now, peas and carrots. She showed up perfectly on time. I know that God is working in the back ground to take care of those details that I have no control over. Aunt Flow's arrival on Saturday means that my day 3 FSH will be drawn on Monday. If she had been even one day late it would have been impossible because of my travel. If she had been early, well I would have had to scramble to find a lab that was open on a Sunday.

When I called to find out if my blood test and Hammers SA was part of the IVF money that had to be paid up front before beginning any part of the process I discovered - it's not! That means we can do our pre-IVF testing that will help guide us to when we should do it without having to pull together the payment right away. God is taking care of our details.

On a cool note we had dinner last night with our friends who asked to pray for us. Before going out we spent time in prayer. She had borrowed a book called "Supernatural Childbirth: Experiencing the Promises of God Concerning Conception and Delivery" because it had a few prayers about asking God to increase fertility. So in addition to their personal prayers for us they also read these prayers and gave us a copy as well. I've included them in case you would be interested in them. They also have scriptural references.

Desire to Conceive:

"Father, we thank You that children are the heritage of the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is His reward. Children are Your idea Father; You thought up children, and family and home. You instituted the family in the Garden of Eden. You ordered children; You commanded them when You said to Adam and Eve, "be fruitful and multiply." You said that the barren womb is never satisfied. Lord, the Word declares that I am wonderfully and fearfully made by You; therefore I am perfect and able to conceive and have children. You said that I would be a fruitful vine by the side of our house and our children like olive plants around our table. We are not ashamed but happy because our quiver is full of children (or arrows as You call them).

Thank You, Father, that You designed and fashioned me to have children, that in the Bible barrenness was the exception, not the rule, not Your will, not normal, something against Your plan and purpose. And in Your goodness and faithfulness, every barren woman in the Bible was godly and believed in Your Word became pregnant; you opened her womb and blessed her, and she gave birth to a precious baby just as I will. You make the barren woman to keep house and be a joyful mother of children.

You said, Father, that because You are our God and are Your people and have a covenant with You, that You will love us and bless us and multiply us and bless the fruit of my womb and that neither male nor female among Your people would be barren.

Father, we are redeemed from the curse of the law by Jesus and being barren is under the curse of the Law; therefore, we will receive from Your grace and have children.

Father, no plague, no evil shall come nigh our dwelling. We are healed by the stripes of Jesus. Sickness of any kind is taken out of our midst. You said to ask anything of You in Jesus' name and it would be done; and that if two of us on earth agree as touching anything it would be done. So we pray and we agree with You and Your Word, Father, that we will conceive and bring forth a healthy, precious baby to Your glory and honor. We pray all this according to Your word and will. You said, this is the confidence that we have in You, that if we ask anything according to Your will, You hear us; and if You hear us, we know we have the petition we desire of You. We have it now. Thank You, Father, in Jesus' name."

Speaking to Your Body:

"Body, we speak to you in Jesus' name: You will come in line and agreement with the Word of God. You will respond to His Holy Word. You will function properly and perfectly, the way God intended you to. Every part, every organ of our reproductive system conforms to the Word and plan of God as we come together in pure, marital love. Body conceive! Be pregnant. Cooperate with God's plan: perfect ovulation, release of perfect eggs from the ovaries, thorough the fallopian tubes, penetrated and impregnated, fertilized by healthy sperm. Good solid attachment to uterine wall and nourished and protected for nine months (40 weeks) unharmed and unhindered. Grow to a perfect baby - spirit, soul, and body. Your Word says, Father, that none shall cast their young, nor be barren among Your people and the number of our days You will fulfill. This pregnancy will be fulfilled. We decree it in Jesus' name and receive God's best; we won't settle for anything less in Jesus' holy name. Thank you, Lord, that it is so and done to Your honor and glory. Amen."

Genesis 1:28; Exodus 23:25; Psalm 91; 113:9, 127:3-5, 128:3, 139:14; Matt 18:19; John 16:23; Galatians 3:13; 1 John 5:14-15; 1 Peter 2:24;