I just wanted to thank all of you for your kind words, thoughts and prayers of comfort. We are, obviously, heart broken. It's so frustrating to have done all of these treatments only to end with such certain finality. I know that our issues with high DNA fragmentation make this situation a more likely outcome but it does not decrease the pain of another failure.
While we will be taking some time to recover we will be moving on to adoption, possibly embryo adoption/donation and/or traditional domestic adoption. Of course, just because you stop fertility treatments does not mean to stop trying and praying for a natural miracle. We'll be exploring some other natural options as the adoption process can be long. We have sp.erm and I do ovulate on my own so maybe with time we'll eventually have the right sperm meet the right egg...that is what happened with Hammer. It took his parents 14 years before they conceived him and I can tell you that they were definitely not putting forth nearly as much effort as we have been.
This blog will not end it will just change a bit. I welcome you all to follow along with us as we continue to walk down this long and winding road to becoming parents. You have been such a support system for me that I could not imagine continuing on this journey with out all of you. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
Mr & Mrs Hammer
Showing posts with label IVF #3. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IVF #3. Show all posts
Monday, October 25, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
IVF #3 Summary
I wanted to post the timeline of our second IVF cycle to close it out so here it is:
On to our final IVF#4
- May 25 to June 2 - Take antibiotic (Mr&Mrs Hammer)
- May 25 to June 14 - Take BCP
- May 27 to June 25 - Accupuncture pre-retrieval
- June 15 - Supression check E2 = 13, good antral follicle count on BOTH ovaries!
- June 17 - Microdose lupron 20u 2x/d
- June 19 to June 28 - Bravelle 225u (3 vials) 2x/d
- June 23 - follie check #1 R - 9,8.5, 7 L - 8, 8, 7, 6 lining 5mm, E2 = 282
- June 25 to June 28 - Add in Luveris 75u (1 vial) in A.M.
- June 26 - follie check #2 R - 12.7 x2, 12.9 L - 11.5, 11.3, 11.1, 10.3, 8.2 lining 8.8mm, E2 = 871
- June 28 - follie check #3 R - 21, 17, 15.5 L - 16.5, 15.5, 14, 12, 11 lining 11.5mm, E2 = 1592
- June 28 - Egg retrieval cancelled due to poor response (~4-5 mature follicles). Trigger for IUI.
- June 2/9 - Trigger
- July 1 - IUI
- July 5 - Accupunture
- July 7 - HCG booster (1 ml)
- July 16 to July 19 - HPT = Positive but line fades over the next 3 days; Chemical Pregnancy
On to our final IVF#4
Friday, July 16, 2010
A Long Shot
That's what we knew this IUI was, a long shot. So today we were not overly surprised that the HPT was negative. We're both at peace with our decision to convert IVF#3 to IUI and are hopeful to give IVF#4 one last final try. Thank you all for your prayers and support!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
7dp IUI and a Giveaway
Today marks the half way point of our IUI converted IVF cycle; although, thanks to the HCG booster I can’t test for 10 days which would be 17dp IUI – Bummer. But! I don’t have to take any more shots which is awesome. Then again, I also can’t tell you if I’m having any symptoms because I still have trigger-boob-soreness, etc. I can definitely tell that my progesterone is elevated as I’ve had severe indigestion for the last 5 days making eating or sleeping impossible. That was identical to the last two IVF cycles. And you know what else nobody tells you? (TMI Warning) When you ovulate a crap-load of eggs and have multiple corpus lutems pumping out the progesterone you get major constipation. I thought that was just a weird side effect of PIO but no, it’s progesterone in general. I have been having cramping on and off yesterday and today. While it could be implantation it could also be the progesterone causing my ute to cramp (or gas pains! yelch).
Basically, I know nothing right now as far as what may or may not be going on down there. And my hope level is dependent upon how I maybe feeling at that particular hour. I do have moments where I think, “Nah, it couldn’t happen like this. I would be too easy! And after four years of infertility, people like us don’t get it easy.” But oh how nice easy would be!
Ok now onto the Give Away!
I received, Waiting for Daisy, from Hillary at Making Me Mom and while I read it right away I lapsed on getting out a giveaway post. (What can I say, I had a crappy 2009 = 2 deaths, 1 near death & a miscarriage).
It’s a nice, easy read about a real life couple dealing with infertility and eventually having a child. While I enjoyed the book and the hope that eventually our family will be complete even if it’s a long painful journey I wasn’t a fan about her mildly preachy ending. In summary she basically said that women get too worked up about not getting pregnant right away and run off to a RE, drop all sorts of money on procedures and tests when eventually they would have gotten pregnant on their own. Being a person who has dealt with infertility for several years and can safely say that we need help, that message kind of deflated the book for me. I worry that this message is what non-infertile people will take away from the book. But then, why on earth would a non-infertile want to read this? Basically, I wouldn’t recommend it to any of my non-infertile friends to help give them some perspective. But for infertiles it’s nice to know that someone who walked in our shoes has published a book about their struggles.
So on to the rules for the give way:
1. Leave a comment on this post*
2. Read the book
3. Have a giveaway at your blog to keep the book circulating
Now that wasn’t so hard was it? I’ll take entries up until my HPT day (July 16th) and then use Random.org to pick the winner. I’ll contact you to get your mailing address so you can receive your prize.
*If you want to leave a comment but not be entered in the drawing just let me know in your comment.
Basically, I know nothing right now as far as what may or may not be going on down there. And my hope level is dependent upon how I maybe feeling at that particular hour. I do have moments where I think, “Nah, it couldn’t happen like this. I would be too easy! And after four years of infertility, people like us don’t get it easy.” But oh how nice easy would be!
Ok now onto the Give Away!
I received, Waiting for Daisy, from Hillary at Making Me Mom and while I read it right away I lapsed on getting out a giveaway post. (What can I say, I had a crappy 2009 = 2 deaths, 1 near death & a miscarriage).
It’s a nice, easy read about a real life couple dealing with infertility and eventually having a child. While I enjoyed the book and the hope that eventually our family will be complete even if it’s a long painful journey I wasn’t a fan about her mildly preachy ending. In summary she basically said that women get too worked up about not getting pregnant right away and run off to a RE, drop all sorts of money on procedures and tests when eventually they would have gotten pregnant on their own. Being a person who has dealt with infertility for several years and can safely say that we need help, that message kind of deflated the book for me. I worry that this message is what non-infertile people will take away from the book. But then, why on earth would a non-infertile want to read this? Basically, I wouldn’t recommend it to any of my non-infertile friends to help give them some perspective. But for infertiles it’s nice to know that someone who walked in our shoes has published a book about their struggles.
So on to the rules for the give way:
1. Leave a comment on this post*
2. Read the book
3. Have a giveaway at your blog to keep the book circulating
Now that wasn’t so hard was it? I’ll take entries up until my HPT day (July 16th) and then use Random.org to pick the winner. I’ll contact you to get your mailing address so you can receive your prize.
*If you want to leave a comment but not be entered in the drawing just let me know in your comment.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Two Cranky Ladies
Well we had our IUI yesterday and everything went really well. Mr. Hammer supplied some excellent numbers and quality as far as the troops were concerned. I actually felt myself ovulate from both sides around 1:00pm that afternoon, OUCH! So I think the timing was good. Unfortunately my girls are making me pay for shooting off way more follicles than occurs naturally. I feel like I’ve been bruised from the inside. I think they are cranky and telling me all about it. I’m sure I’ll feel better in a day or so and from what I can remember it’s better than the retrieval (of course I was also on some really good drugs for that procedure).
We decided just to take the whole day off together. After everything this month we both felt we needed a mental health day. (And after feeling the eggs launch it was a good decision too!) I started thinking about my past IUI”s with clomid plus hcg trigger shots. I remember feeling ovulation pains around 10am the day after the trigger and thinking, “should I be ovulating already?” And then the next day when we did the IUI, I wouldn’t have any ovulation pain. When I did my first IVF I was panicked that I was ovulating the day before retrieval just as before but surprised to learn that they were all still in place the next morning. When I asked about this the RE on call said that lupron helps keep them in place longer. I know what I’ve read says you will ovulate as early as ~24 hours after the trigger without suppression but I’m just suspicious that my body had a mind of its own. Of course it’s all speculation and Hammer’s thought is that even if it was on time his boy’s would have been too genetically retarded for it to work. I hope that with a ton of eggs and vitaminized sperm that we can make it work this time. It’s hard not to have a little hope!
P.S. If we had gone through with the retrieval we would be 1 day post and getting our first fertilization report. Let’s hope there is some fert-magic going on in my tummy today!
We decided just to take the whole day off together. After everything this month we both felt we needed a mental health day. (And after feeling the eggs launch it was a good decision too!) I started thinking about my past IUI”s with clomid plus hcg trigger shots. I remember feeling ovulation pains around 10am the day after the trigger and thinking, “should I be ovulating already?” And then the next day when we did the IUI, I wouldn’t have any ovulation pain. When I did my first IVF I was panicked that I was ovulating the day before retrieval just as before but surprised to learn that they were all still in place the next morning. When I asked about this the RE on call said that lupron helps keep them in place longer. I know what I’ve read says you will ovulate as early as ~24 hours after the trigger without suppression but I’m just suspicious that my body had a mind of its own. Of course it’s all speculation and Hammer’s thought is that even if it was on time his boy’s would have been too genetically retarded for it to work. I hope that with a ton of eggs and vitaminized sperm that we can make it work this time. It’s hard not to have a little hope!
P.S. If we had gone through with the retrieval we would be 1 day post and getting our first fertilization report. Let’s hope there is some fert-magic going on in my tummy today!
Monday, June 28, 2010
A Convert
Today's u/s left us confused and with a big decision. We now have a lead follicle and 4-5 smaller ones just shy of 18mm (between 14-17). A bunch of little ones popped up but there is no way they will be ready in time ~7-8mm. With the lead follicle we can't keep stimming to get the smaller ones because it will launch on it's own ruining a retrieval. My RE said we'd be lucky to get 5 mature eggs. We're all scratching our heads at what could have happened to cause this. The good news is that my lining is now up to 11.5mm and my E2 is at 1592 which is the highest it's ever been.
Hammer was not willing to consider a 4th full IVF and so now that it's 4-5 vs 7-8 possible mature follicles I'm ok with IUI. With our past history of 5 failed IUI's with 3 mature follicle's our RE is not concerned about us ending up with a litter babies and our own reality TV show. Neither are we. So instead of getting all drugged up on Thursday for a retrieval we'll be doing the quick wham-bam,-thank-you-ma'm IUI. And to be honest with you I'm at peace with this decision.
Hammer was not willing to consider a 4th full IVF and so now that it's 4-5 vs 7-8 possible mature follicles I'm ok with IUI. With our past history of 5 failed IUI's with 3 mature follicle's our RE is not concerned about us ending up with a litter babies and our own reality TV show. Neither are we. So instead of getting all drugged up on Thursday for a retrieval we'll be doing the quick wham-bam,-thank-you-ma'm IUI. And to be honest with you I'm at peace with this decision.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
What you see is what you get
At this point I need to come to terms with the fact that I will never be the type of woman who will grow more follicles as I continue on stims. Honestly I'm really disappointed and frustrated with my RE. I feel like for the last three cycles all we've done is beat the dead Lupron+Bravelle+Luvaris horse and had minimal results. Before we started this cycle I had been trying to get Hammer to consider going to a different RE but he was unwilling. So here I sit for our final IVF cycle with the same minimal results on practically the same protocol. This is not the end to our final cycle that I was hoping for and now I'm feeling like if this is it and it doesn't work I'm going to feel completely unresolved with moving on.
We actually had a long talk last night about what we should do. Hammer only wants to go through one more full IVF cycle. So that means if I want to try a totally different protocol we'd have to cancel this cycle pre-retrieval. But yet it feels like such a waste to do so. At this point we may get between 7-8 mature follicles and hopefully as many mature eggs. I know that our clinic wouldn't even consider an IUI with that many follicles. So I've asked Hammer to consider if this cycle doesn't work for us to try one more, and ONLY one more. When you consider that our first cycle was a total bust, we've really only done two cycles (including this one). I'd really like have walked away having done three cycles knowing that we did everything we could and right now I don't have that peace. It was definitely an interesting conversation because Hammer came from the "I don't want to do anymore, I'm ready for adoption" direction and that since he was ready, we needed to move on. So for me to explain how you can't go into adoption if one of us is unresolved so where did this, "I'm ready so therefore my opinion rules" mentality come from and I think it challenged him a bit. And don't get me wrong this wasn't a fight just a discussion between us.
I apologize to all the women reading that would die for 7-8 follicles. Being 31 with normal FSH, AMH etc. and on crazy amounts of stims it's been difficult to accept that this is the best I can do. And with Hammer's issue we need as many follicles to find the one healthy combination of us both.
Here is where we stand as of Saturday (6/26):
R: 12.7mm x2, 12.9mm (3 total)
L: 11.5mm, 11.3mm, 11.1mm, 10.3mm, 8.2mm (5 total)
Lining = 8.8mm
I'm not sure that our 8.2 will catch up in time to be mature so we're maybe really looking at 6-7 mature eggs at retrieval. Compare that to our last cycle where we had 9 follicles and 8 mature eggs and hopefully you can see why we are upset that this cycle is worse than the last one.
I have one more appointment on Monday for another check. Right now they are talking about doing the trigger on Tuesday for a Thursday retrieval which is extending me out one day more than anticipated. And at this point I'm still not bloated nor feel anything, weird.
We actually had a long talk last night about what we should do. Hammer only wants to go through one more full IVF cycle. So that means if I want to try a totally different protocol we'd have to cancel this cycle pre-retrieval. But yet it feels like such a waste to do so. At this point we may get between 7-8 mature follicles and hopefully as many mature eggs. I know that our clinic wouldn't even consider an IUI with that many follicles. So I've asked Hammer to consider if this cycle doesn't work for us to try one more, and ONLY one more. When you consider that our first cycle was a total bust, we've really only done two cycles (including this one). I'd really like have walked away having done three cycles knowing that we did everything we could and right now I don't have that peace. It was definitely an interesting conversation because Hammer came from the "I don't want to do anymore, I'm ready for adoption" direction and that since he was ready, we needed to move on. So for me to explain how you can't go into adoption if one of us is unresolved so where did this, "I'm ready so therefore my opinion rules" mentality come from and I think it challenged him a bit. And don't get me wrong this wasn't a fight just a discussion between us.
I apologize to all the women reading that would die for 7-8 follicles. Being 31 with normal FSH, AMH etc. and on crazy amounts of stims it's been difficult to accept that this is the best I can do. And with Hammer's issue we need as many follicles to find the one healthy combination of us both.
Here is where we stand as of Saturday (6/26):
R: 12.7mm x2, 12.9mm (3 total)
L: 11.5mm, 11.3mm, 11.1mm, 10.3mm, 8.2mm (5 total)
Lining = 8.8mm
I'm not sure that our 8.2 will catch up in time to be mature so we're maybe really looking at 6-7 mature eggs at retrieval. Compare that to our last cycle where we had 9 follicles and 8 mature eggs and hopefully you can see why we are upset that this cycle is worse than the last one.
I have one more appointment on Monday for another check. Right now they are talking about doing the trigger on Tuesday for a Thursday retrieval which is extending me out one day more than anticipated. And at this point I'm still not bloated nor feel anything, weird.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Quiet
Last cycle at this time I was so bloated I was miserable. Last cycle at this time I could feel the follicles growing. Last cycle at this time it was irritating if my cloths rubbed against my skin. Last cycle at this time it was nowhere near quiet in there.
But today it’s quiet and that makes me worried.
Tomorrow is follicle check #2, first thing in the morning. And after that I'm indulging myself in a full body massage* for a whole 60 minutes. And a manicure. Because why not.
*My acupuncturist told me that massage has been shown to keep stress hormones down for 3 days. And we all know that stress is bad for an IVF cycle.
But today it’s quiet and that makes me worried.
Tomorrow is follicle check #2, first thing in the morning. And after that I'm indulging myself in a full body massage* for a whole 60 minutes. And a manicure. Because why not.
*My acupuncturist told me that massage has been shown to keep stress hormones down for 3 days. And we all know that stress is bad for an IVF cycle.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Déjà vu – of the crappy kind
*Before I start, I am well aware this is early but my past IVF cycles have shown that what I see on scan #1 is what I see at retrieval.*
After my first follie check this cycle is looking just like cycle #1. Hammer and I are literally preparing ourselves and praying over if we have to make the decision to cancel and convert to an IUI. It would be cheaper since at this point we are only out ~$50 bucks in meds, ~60 bucks in u/s, and ~$400 in acupuncture treatments.
I have no idea what could be going wrong! With the first cycle I thought maybe it was a combination of my messing up the stim medication + being overly suppressed. But now I just realized that for all of my normal FSH & AMH, I’m just a poor responder. And that is wholly dishartening. I’m trying not to get discouraged yet at this point but our past IVFs just hang over my head.
I’m on an insane amount of Bravelle (450IU/d) + microdose lupron (40u/d) and here are my results:
R – 9mm, 8.5mm, 7mm
L – 8mm, 8mm, 7mm, 6mm
Lining = 5mm
7 total follicles, just like cycle #1 which ended up with a lead follicle and we only retrieved 3 mature ones. And this is less than the second cycle which went better but ended in a m/c.
For a comparison here is where I was at for the last two cycles on the same day:
Cycle #1 versus Cycle #2
R – 1-13mm, 3 -<10mm R – 12mm, 10x2mm, 9mm, 8mm
L- 2 -<10mm L – 12mm, 11.5mm, 9mm, 8mm
Lining = 6.5mm Lining – 7mm
This is why we are preparing ourselves for a possible IUI conversion. Since all the money is in the retrieval it would be better to call it off before that happens. We will just have to wait until Saturday to see what u/s #2 shows us from there we will be closer to a decision. In the best case scenario we have lots of extra little ones pop up that will possibly be in the running and so we would continue on based upon their best guess at a mature egg count. But worst case would be lead follicles and we would most likely convert to IUI. Now that our pharmaceutical plan has IVF med coverage it puts us in a place where we could talk about doing a 4th cycle if we have to cancel this one but we’ll cross that bridge if we have too. Right now we just need prayer for us to make good decisions based upon the results of our u/s over the next few days.
The only redeeming result of today is that my E2 was 282 which is the best it's ever been. Although on average most women are around 500 by day five of stims. In previous cycles I was 107 (#1) and 195 (#2). So either that means I have a few more lurking around or that I'm just having a higher E2 because of all the meds. Your guess is as good as mine.
After my first follie check this cycle is looking just like cycle #1. Hammer and I are literally preparing ourselves and praying over if we have to make the decision to cancel and convert to an IUI. It would be cheaper since at this point we are only out ~$50 bucks in meds, ~60 bucks in u/s, and ~$400 in acupuncture treatments.
I have no idea what could be going wrong! With the first cycle I thought maybe it was a combination of my messing up the stim medication + being overly suppressed. But now I just realized that for all of my normal FSH & AMH, I’m just a poor responder. And that is wholly dishartening. I’m trying not to get discouraged yet at this point but our past IVFs just hang over my head.
I’m on an insane amount of Bravelle (450IU/d) + microdose lupron (40u/d) and here are my results:
R – 9mm, 8.5mm, 7mm
L – 8mm, 8mm, 7mm, 6mm
Lining = 5mm
7 total follicles, just like cycle #1 which ended up with a lead follicle and we only retrieved 3 mature ones. And this is less than the second cycle which went better but ended in a m/c.
For a comparison here is where I was at for the last two cycles on the same day:
Cycle #1 versus Cycle #2
R – 1-13mm, 3 -<10mm R – 12mm, 10x2mm, 9mm, 8mm
L- 2 -<10mm L – 12mm, 11.5mm, 9mm, 8mm
Lining = 6.5mm Lining – 7mm
This is why we are preparing ourselves for a possible IUI conversion. Since all the money is in the retrieval it would be better to call it off before that happens. We will just have to wait until Saturday to see what u/s #2 shows us from there we will be closer to a decision. In the best case scenario we have lots of extra little ones pop up that will possibly be in the running and so we would continue on based upon their best guess at a mature egg count. But worst case would be lead follicles and we would most likely convert to IUI. Now that our pharmaceutical plan has IVF med coverage it puts us in a place where we could talk about doing a 4th cycle if we have to cancel this one but we’ll cross that bridge if we have too. Right now we just need prayer for us to make good decisions based upon the results of our u/s over the next few days.
The only redeeming result of today is that my E2 was 282 which is the best it's ever been. Although on average most women are around 500 by day five of stims. In previous cycles I was 107 (#1) and 195 (#2). So either that means I have a few more lurking around or that I'm just having a higher E2 because of all the meds. Your guess is as good as mine.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Stimming, technically
So yesterday I started my microdose lupron which is 40 mcg/mL vs 5mg/mL in standard Lupron. I have to take 20 U twice a day so it’s a very tiny dose of meds. Apparently when given in small amounts it causes the body to produce natural FSH for 2-3 days and then supresses the body just enough to keep the follicles in place until the trigger is given. So technically I started mini-stimming yesterday. And ladies, I can feel my ovaries waking up. I can tell you from doing two long Lupron protocols prior, I never felt this when I took Lupron before. I hope this is a good sign. I also hope I don’t end up with a lead follicle that screws everything up like cycle #1 either but I don’t want to get myself all worked up over the what-if’s. (But it’s so easy!)
Yesterday I did have a horrible migraine which I do remember was an issue before but I had an acupuncture appointment that day and she did some extra points – sweet relief! Today I am migraine free and feeling the tingling in my tummy. Bravelle starts tomorrow at 3 vials twice a day so I’m really going to start feeling it then.
On another subject, one of our IRL couples just had their second child. We are really excited for them and they have been very supportive and sensitive towards us. They had a little girl and held off on sharing her name until she was born. Unfortunately they used the girl name that Hammer and I had picked out. We didn’t share our choice with them so it wasn’t a case of name swiping but it did make us feel a bit sad. Mostly because if we could have had a child when we wanted to, and it was a girl, we could have used that name – infertility is so unfair! But then it feels just silly to be sad because we’d have to A) get pregnant first B) have a successful pregnancy and C) have the baby be a girl. Basically we would be jumping several steps ahead of ourselves. But there was a twinge and I just wanted to acknowledge it. Thanks for listening!
Yesterday I did have a horrible migraine which I do remember was an issue before but I had an acupuncture appointment that day and she did some extra points – sweet relief! Today I am migraine free and feeling the tingling in my tummy. Bravelle starts tomorrow at 3 vials twice a day so I’m really going to start feeling it then.
On another subject, one of our IRL couples just had their second child. We are really excited for them and they have been very supportive and sensitive towards us. They had a little girl and held off on sharing her name until she was born. Unfortunately they used the girl name that Hammer and I had picked out. We didn’t share our choice with them so it wasn’t a case of name swiping but it did make us feel a bit sad. Mostly because if we could have had a child when we wanted to, and it was a girl, we could have used that name – infertility is so unfair! But then it feels just silly to be sad because we’d have to A) get pregnant first B) have a successful pregnancy and C) have the baby be a girl. Basically we would be jumping several steps ahead of ourselves. But there was a twinge and I just wanted to acknowledge it. Thanks for listening!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Cleared for Take Off
I had my E2 blood draw and ultrasound today and was given the all clear to start my meds. It was good news too. Normally I have very few antral follicles on my left side but this time I not only had a good count but it was even better than my right side. I'm actually starting to feel 'normal.' Maybe our time of rest, smoothies and synthroid have done my body some good! My E2 came back showing I was quite suppressed. They want you at least below 50 but I was at 13 on birth control alone. When I was on BCP + Lupron my E2 would come back as indiscernible i.e. barely any at all. That is why I wondered if I was over suppressed on my last two cycles.
In other good news I had received a letter back in January regarding my fertility med coverage, which I didn't have so I was confused by the letter. What we found out is that I now HAVE fertility medication coverage. The last two cycles we paid close to 2 grand for all of our meds. So imagine our shock when we got our total bill for this cycle (with more meds than ever before) at less than $55. We thought it was a mistake, it was too good to be true. But it was. Plus we got a few vials of donated Luvaris.
So Thursday I start my microdose Lupron and then stims start on Saturday. I feel like this cycle is just flying by so quickly!
In other good news I had received a letter back in January regarding my fertility med coverage, which I didn't have so I was confused by the letter. What we found out is that I now HAVE fertility medication coverage. The last two cycles we paid close to 2 grand for all of our meds. So imagine our shock when we got our total bill for this cycle (with more meds than ever before) at less than $55. We thought it was a mistake, it was too good to be true. But it was. Plus we got a few vials of donated Luvaris.
So Thursday I start my microdose Lupron and then stims start on Saturday. I feel like this cycle is just flying by so quickly!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Headless Chickens and Such
I know I totally feel off of the blogosphere but that is because I have literally been going non-stop (hence the headless chicken reference.) In some ways it’s great because I’ve hardly noticed the three weeks of BCP and now I’m just three days away from finishing them. But the flip side is that I didn’t want this time to be stressful and it HAS. In between acupuncture appointments twice a week, impromptu travel for work, coworkers dropping the ball so I have to pick up their slack, weekends filled with events, and even a live TV interview! I seriously haven’t had a second to blog, read blogs, think blogs, you get the point. But come next week I’ll be staring my microdose lupron on Thursday and stims on Saturday.
I finally got around to telling my new boss about my cycle and I think she’ll be supportive. I did preface it by 'this is our last cycle' to hopefully make it more apparent how desperately I need her to be supportive. So far so good. On Tuesday of next week I’m hoping that my baseline E2 and ovary check show I’m nice and suppressed so we can get this show on the road without delays.
Hammer and I will be celebrating our 6th anniversary on Saturday, I sure hope that we can finally make our family complete!
I finally got around to telling my new boss about my cycle and I think she’ll be supportive. I did preface it by 'this is our last cycle' to hopefully make it more apparent how desperately I need her to be supportive. So far so good. On Tuesday of next week I’m hoping that my baseline E2 and ovary check show I’m nice and suppressed so we can get this show on the road without delays.
Hammer and I will be celebrating our 6th anniversary on Saturday, I sure hope that we can finally make our family complete!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Scheduled
Hello internets! Just a quick pass through to say that my side bar schedule has been updated. So far we are on task. There is nothing much to report other than feeling really nauseated by the antibiotic this go around. I'm REALLY glad that is only for 7 days!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Whoaaaaaaaaa Nelly!
Soooo, today was crazy. Actually that would be an understatement. Let me back up a bit.
On Saturday I was expecting AF to arrive but she decided to be fashionably late and show up on Sunday instead. I can deal with being one day off. So I called my IVF nurse and let them know. But for whatever reason I didn't hear from them until today which is unusual. So of course I was a bit panicky that the reason they hadn't called me back is that I left the wrong number so I left another message.
When I heard back from them the RN told me that my protocol would be 7 weeks in length with retrieval in the first full week of July. And here is where things got a bit messy. You see July is not a good time for me as I review grants which are due the day of my estimated transfer. The protocol told to me back in January was totally different and I had planned everything around it. So when I heard a different protocol I started shaking and crying on the phone. The RN was wonderful and figured out that what was told to me was the micro-dose lupron protocol without BCPs. My RE just wanted to include BCP to ensure I did not have a cyst. So the RN started asking me about my last two cycles and said that we might be able to just skip the BCP and jump to stimming. But that would mean I would start stimming this Wednesday. At first I thought, "Great, let’s just get right to it," and told her to go ahead. But then when I hung up the phone and talked to Hammer he was hesitant and reminded me that I would not be able to do accupunture. He made a valid point that since this was our last cycle that we needed to have no regrets.
But then the pharmacy called and I had to hang up with Hammer to answer their call. At first I started to give them all my information and then I stopped and asked if I could call them back. I then called the RN and told her about our misgivings but she is so darn convincing. She told me to take 5-10 minutes to talk to Hammer about it and then call me back. But I couldn’t get a hold of Hammer and the pharmacy needed to get the order in so in a moment of weakness I agreed to do it again, completely forgetting about what Hammer and I talked about, I even scheduled an u/s for today to see if I had any cysts! I called the pharmacy back who scheduled to deliver my micro-dose lupron to the clinic. So pending any cysts, all was set for retrieval on May 4th and a transfer on May 10th or so I thought.
I had to leave work a few minutes early to make it to the u/s but on the way I started to have strong misgivings. I realized that if we went forward with this I would have regrets because I wouldn’t have been able to do acupuncture like I wanted and this was all moving so fast which was stressful. Hammer and I had decided that since this was our last cycle we didn’t want to have any regrets and here I was driving to an appointment that had me riddled with regret.
So as I sat there, on the exam table, pantless in my paper frock, waiting for my RE to come in I made a decision. When he came in I told him I was ‘chickening out’ and explained about how this was so fast and that there were preparations that we wouldn’t be able to do and that would leave us with regrets if it didn’t work. And really even if we did the u/s and he found a cyst we’d still have to do the long version anyway so maybe we should just stick with the original plan which is less stressful and without regret and with that I slapped my legs in a playful way and said, “And we need this to work!” And my RE’s response was, “Dammit, that’s right!”
So I think my clinic RNs must believe I’m completely neurotic but I feel much better and appreciate that at least my RE agrees that we need to do everything we can to make this cycle work. So today I should get my revised schedule from the IVF RN. I will start my BCP tomorrow which will run from 5/25-6/14; I’ll only take ~3 day of lupron before starting stims which means it’s about 1-1 ½ weeks shorter than the long lupron cycle. I’ll update my IVF schedule on the right bar after I get my official schedule.
On Saturday I was expecting AF to arrive but she decided to be fashionably late and show up on Sunday instead. I can deal with being one day off. So I called my IVF nurse and let them know. But for whatever reason I didn't hear from them until today which is unusual. So of course I was a bit panicky that the reason they hadn't called me back is that I left the wrong number so I left another message.
When I heard back from them the RN told me that my protocol would be 7 weeks in length with retrieval in the first full week of July. And here is where things got a bit messy. You see July is not a good time for me as I review grants which are due the day of my estimated transfer. The protocol told to me back in January was totally different and I had planned everything around it. So when I heard a different protocol I started shaking and crying on the phone. The RN was wonderful and figured out that what was told to me was the micro-dose lupron protocol without BCPs. My RE just wanted to include BCP to ensure I did not have a cyst. So the RN started asking me about my last two cycles and said that we might be able to just skip the BCP and jump to stimming. But that would mean I would start stimming this Wednesday. At first I thought, "Great, let’s just get right to it," and told her to go ahead. But then when I hung up the phone and talked to Hammer he was hesitant and reminded me that I would not be able to do accupunture. He made a valid point that since this was our last cycle that we needed to have no regrets.
But then the pharmacy called and I had to hang up with Hammer to answer their call. At first I started to give them all my information and then I stopped and asked if I could call them back. I then called the RN and told her about our misgivings but she is so darn convincing. She told me to take 5-10 minutes to talk to Hammer about it and then call me back. But I couldn’t get a hold of Hammer and the pharmacy needed to get the order in so in a moment of weakness I agreed to do it again, completely forgetting about what Hammer and I talked about, I even scheduled an u/s for today to see if I had any cysts! I called the pharmacy back who scheduled to deliver my micro-dose lupron to the clinic. So pending any cysts, all was set for retrieval on May 4th and a transfer on May 10th or so I thought.
I had to leave work a few minutes early to make it to the u/s but on the way I started to have strong misgivings. I realized that if we went forward with this I would have regrets because I wouldn’t have been able to do acupuncture like I wanted and this was all moving so fast which was stressful. Hammer and I had decided that since this was our last cycle we didn’t want to have any regrets and here I was driving to an appointment that had me riddled with regret.
So as I sat there, on the exam table, pantless in my paper frock, waiting for my RE to come in I made a decision. When he came in I told him I was ‘chickening out’ and explained about how this was so fast and that there were preparations that we wouldn’t be able to do and that would leave us with regrets if it didn’t work. And really even if we did the u/s and he found a cyst we’d still have to do the long version anyway so maybe we should just stick with the original plan which is less stressful and without regret and with that I slapped my legs in a playful way and said, “And we need this to work!” And my RE’s response was, “Dammit, that’s right!”
So I think my clinic RNs must believe I’m completely neurotic but I feel much better and appreciate that at least my RE agrees that we need to do everything we can to make this cycle work. So today I should get my revised schedule from the IVF RN. I will start my BCP tomorrow which will run from 5/25-6/14; I’ll only take ~3 day of lupron before starting stims which means it’s about 1-1 ½ weeks shorter than the long lupron cycle. I’ll update my IVF schedule on the right bar after I get my official schedule.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Anticipation
2 weeks and 2 days...the anticipation is beginning to rise.
I keep having the Car.ly Sim.on song in my head, “Anticipation.”
We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway, yay
And I wonder if I'm really with you now
Or just chasin' after some finer day
Anticipation, anticipation
Is makin' me late
Is keepin' me waitin'
The lyrics kind of apply here…in almost 2 more weeks our final IVF will begin. And while I do not know about the days to come I feel hope creeping up again. Please let the third time be the charm!
I keep having the Car.ly Sim.on song in my head, “Anticipation.”
We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway, yay
And I wonder if I'm really with you now
Or just chasin' after some finer day
Anticipation, anticipation
Is makin' me late
Is keepin' me waitin'
The lyrics kind of apply here…in almost 2 more weeks our final IVF will begin. And while I do not know about the days to come I feel hope creeping up again. Please let the third time be the charm!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
One
Last Thursday my IVF countdown showed this:
One month away. At this point, it could not come fast enough. I am about to start my second to last period before IVF. These last few weeks have been crazy and difficult. Literally everyone I know is expecting. At work one of my coworkers who has an 18 month old just announce she is expecting...twins, natural twins. On top of three other pregnancy announcements. I have never felt more left behind than ever before.
Last week as my ticker clicked down to the one month mark and I was days away from my second to last period before IVF I had a total crying meltdown. I haven't had one of those in a very, very long time. I cried because this nearly four year long journey has literally taken it's toll on me. I'm so tired both physically and emotionally, but especially emotionally. When Hammer stated that he only wanted to try IVF one more time I was sad thinking about the what-ifs of not putting a cap on attempts. But now as our last cycle looms before us it's almost a relief that no matter what happens change will come.
I have continued to see our chiropractor and while we haven't experienced pregnancy (as they were so convinced that this would be the cure) I have had some other relief from pain. As I was lying there on the table he told me that I have an energy about me, that he could sense something was going to happen. Later that same week I had a coworker tell me a very similar thing. I think maybe it's because June will be that turning point for us. Either we get pregnant or we don't and we move forward for the first time in four years. We've been stuck on this infertility treatment detour for way to long. I've been mentally chewing on several options which I think is good because that way I have a healthy focus on an alternate future if things don't go well. Part of that future involves a possible job promotion and going back to school which I'm going to go for regardless of IVF outcome. Here are my options:
A. Apply for promotion & get it, get prego, work until due date, be a SAHM, go back to school in a year
B. Apply for promotion & don't get it, get prego, work until due date, be a SAHM, go back to school in a year
C. Apply for promotion & get it, not prego, go back to school for prerequisites, quit job and get PT graduate assistant job to go back to school full time
D. Apply for promotion & don't get it, not prego, quit job and get PT graduate assistant job to go back to school full time
So clearly there is change on the horizon. I didn't want to get into all the boring details but it's a summary. I have wanted to go back to school for some time but because of having to stay at my job for retirement reasons (state retirement plan) for at least five years AND it being nearly impossible to try to do my job (which includes travel), plus treatments, plus school - we focused on job &; treatments first. I think throwing myself into school for a new career will help with the long adoption wait time as well, which is our baby plan B. I know that if this cycle does not work I will need some time to mourn and I will do that. But I also needed to know that if an alternate future is a head of us that I have a focus and a hope waiting and that the world will not end in June.
On a side note, my ex-friend became an issue last week as well. Our bible study had lost a few members from people moving out of state and so our leader when to a bible study meeting that was to help people get connected into a group. Apparently the ex-friend was there and was looking for a group to join. Unbeknownst to our leader, she had spoke to him about joining. Later that day we were hanging out with our leader (R) and his wife (J), who happen to be the other couple in our group dealing with infertility. He mentioned who he had spoken to and that they were likely to join. I wasn't sure what to say because I don't want to be that person who bad-mouths about other people. But later in the conversation with J, she asked about ex-friend because they knew we were 'friends' with them and if ex-friend was nice etc. I ended up telling her about the issue we had with them and that I didn't know if she should join our group especially since there are two other women, besides myself, dealing with infertility. R & J were great about the whole thing. Aside from being shocked about what she said and totally agreeing with our decisions about their public behavior and cutting off friendship; they made sure that ex-friend was connected into another group. It was such a relief to the both of us and continues to solidify for us that God has put us into this new church community and bible study and we are so excited about our new group of friends who are already showing us support and love.
**Sorry for the long delay in posting as we were out of town this past week cleaning out Hammer's dad's house and moving his stuff into our basement. It was not a fun week but it does close another chapter for us.
One month away. At this point, it could not come fast enough. I am about to start my second to last period before IVF. These last few weeks have been crazy and difficult. Literally everyone I know is expecting. At work one of my coworkers who has an 18 month old just announce she is expecting...twins, natural twins. On top of three other pregnancy announcements. I have never felt more left behind than ever before.
Last week as my ticker clicked down to the one month mark and I was days away from my second to last period before IVF I had a total crying meltdown. I haven't had one of those in a very, very long time. I cried because this nearly four year long journey has literally taken it's toll on me. I'm so tired both physically and emotionally, but especially emotionally. When Hammer stated that he only wanted to try IVF one more time I was sad thinking about the what-ifs of not putting a cap on attempts. But now as our last cycle looms before us it's almost a relief that no matter what happens change will come.
I have continued to see our chiropractor and while we haven't experienced pregnancy (as they were so convinced that this would be the cure) I have had some other relief from pain. As I was lying there on the table he told me that I have an energy about me, that he could sense something was going to happen. Later that same week I had a coworker tell me a very similar thing. I think maybe it's because June will be that turning point for us. Either we get pregnant or we don't and we move forward for the first time in four years. We've been stuck on this infertility treatment detour for way to long. I've been mentally chewing on several options which I think is good because that way I have a healthy focus on an alternate future if things don't go well. Part of that future involves a possible job promotion and going back to school which I'm going to go for regardless of IVF outcome. Here are my options:
A. Apply for promotion & get it, get prego, work until due date, be a SAHM, go back to school in a year
B. Apply for promotion & don't get it, get prego, work until due date, be a SAHM, go back to school in a year
C. Apply for promotion & get it, not prego, go back to school for prerequisites, quit job and get PT graduate assistant job to go back to school full time
D. Apply for promotion & don't get it, not prego, quit job and get PT graduate assistant job to go back to school full time
So clearly there is change on the horizon. I didn't want to get into all the boring details but it's a summary. I have wanted to go back to school for some time but because of having to stay at my job for retirement reasons (state retirement plan) for at least five years AND it being nearly impossible to try to do my job (which includes travel), plus treatments, plus school - we focused on job &; treatments first. I think throwing myself into school for a new career will help with the long adoption wait time as well, which is our baby plan B. I know that if this cycle does not work I will need some time to mourn and I will do that. But I also needed to know that if an alternate future is a head of us that I have a focus and a hope waiting and that the world will not end in June.
On a side note, my ex-friend became an issue last week as well. Our bible study had lost a few members from people moving out of state and so our leader when to a bible study meeting that was to help people get connected into a group. Apparently the ex-friend was there and was looking for a group to join. Unbeknownst to our leader, she had spoke to him about joining. Later that day we were hanging out with our leader (R) and his wife (J), who happen to be the other couple in our group dealing with infertility. He mentioned who he had spoken to and that they were likely to join. I wasn't sure what to say because I don't want to be that person who bad-mouths about other people. But later in the conversation with J, she asked about ex-friend because they knew we were 'friends' with them and if ex-friend was nice etc. I ended up telling her about the issue we had with them and that I didn't know if she should join our group especially since there are two other women, besides myself, dealing with infertility. R & J were great about the whole thing. Aside from being shocked about what she said and totally agreeing with our decisions about their public behavior and cutting off friendship; they made sure that ex-friend was connected into another group. It was such a relief to the both of us and continues to solidify for us that God has put us into this new church community and bible study and we are so excited about our new group of friends who are already showing us support and love.
**Sorry for the long delay in posting as we were out of town this past week cleaning out Hammer's dad's house and moving his stuff into our basement. It was not a fun week but it does close another chapter for us.
Friday, March 19, 2010
And swino-o was it's name-o!
What? You thought the swi.ne fl.u was gone? Not so! Apparently it's alive and well in a small town in the NW region of my state. I was fortunate enough to visit there for an audit and come across it. On a good note I had been smart and got the vaccine in January just in case one of the petri dishes, I mean kiddos, in a clinic passed it on to me. Good thing.
If you have the vaccine it makes the respiratory part much more mild but the GI part, not so much. Imagine if you will not being able to breathe through your nostrils and then having a sudden urge to be sick, act on that urge and loose all ability to breathe because:
A) said nose is plugged
B) mouth is occupied with 'other things'
I almost blacked out twice from lack of oxygen. I don't think I've ever been so sick that I had to take a full week off of work until now. Hammer, on the other hand, is so hopped up on vitamins and wheat grass he hasn't even had a sniffle all season. I'm actually really grateful though because one high fever would set him back far worse than if I had one. But it does mean that we're out this cycle for trying naturally.
I even worked my butt off to get home from that infested clinic early so that I would be home when I ovulated. And I did, and we did..."it," but after the week I've had it would be a miracle if anything survived down there. Oh well. On a good note tomorrow is Spring! And I'm almost ready to come out of swine-o hibernation so I can enjoy it. And that means April is almost here and then May and then...IVF #3!
If you have the vaccine it makes the respiratory part much more mild but the GI part, not so much. Imagine if you will not being able to breathe through your nostrils and then having a sudden urge to be sick, act on that urge and loose all ability to breathe because:
A) said nose is plugged
B) mouth is occupied with 'other things'
I almost blacked out twice from lack of oxygen. I don't think I've ever been so sick that I had to take a full week off of work until now. Hammer, on the other hand, is so hopped up on vitamins and wheat grass he hasn't even had a sniffle all season. I'm actually really grateful though because one high fever would set him back far worse than if I had one. But it does mean that we're out this cycle for trying naturally.
I even worked my butt off to get home from that infested clinic early so that I would be home when I ovulated. And I did, and we did..."it," but after the week I've had it would be a miracle if anything survived down there. Oh well. On a good note tomorrow is Spring! And I'm almost ready to come out of swine-o hibernation so I can enjoy it. And that means April is almost here and then May and then...IVF #3!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Fast or Slow, I Can't Decide
I happened to look at the IVF countdown and was hit with a mix of emotions. First came shock that in almost 2 months we will be starting our 3rd and final cycle. How did time move by so quickly? And then I started thinking about what all has to happen in between now and that cycle and it seems like forever away. How can I have two wholly different emotions over the same amount of time? I'm excited to try again but scared because it's our last time. I want more time to try naturally but am frustrated that natural is still not working and want to get to IVF. Oh if you all could read my mind right now you all would be totally confused too, I'm sure. I think overall I'm afraid to hope and scared that we could have a repeat of last time but excited for the opportunity to try...yep, still confused. *sigh*
Monday, February 8, 2010
Finally
I've been on edge waiting for our phone call on my AMH levels. Because of which I've been mildly panicking that they were disastrously low. I have good reason to think so based upon how difficult I am to stim. Our prayer was that the reason for the poor stimming is that the long lupron cycle was just not for us...and our prayers were heard. Our testing is based upon ng/ml so we were looking to be over 1.0 which is normal and I was 1.3 ng/ml, I'll take it! So hopefully that means our lupron flare will be the one to produce lots of little eggies for future babies.
For those who are not familiar with AMH here is a link to it's description and the range my lab uses below:
High (often PCOS) Over 3.0 ng/ml
Normal Over 1.0 ng/ml
Low Normal Range 0.7 - 0.9 ng/ml
Low 0.3 - 0.6 ng/ml
Very Low Less than 0.3 ng/ml
**Next up - long over due blog awards!
For those who are not familiar with AMH here is a link to it's description and the range my lab uses below:
High (often PCOS) Over 3.0 ng/ml
Normal Over 1.0 ng/ml
Low Normal Range 0.7 - 0.9 ng/ml
Low 0.3 - 0.6 ng/ml
Very Low Less than 0.3 ng/ml
**Next up - long over due blog awards!
Monday, February 1, 2010
Revisions
I think the weight of our most recent diagnosis has finally hit both Hammer and I. It was a delayed response because it came right in the middle of loosing Hammer’s dad. It’s to be expected I suppose. Both of us have begun to feel down and defeated every time we think about that 48%. It seems insurmountable. And now we are still awaiting the results of my recent AMH test. This is the test that will really tell us how many eggs are left in my ‘baskets.’ My FSH is fine so my egg quality is fine but I’m such a hard stimmer and lefty has low antral follicle counts so they are wondering if I may have diminished ovarian reserves. I have to admit I’m really worried.
Our first IVF I was on the long lupron cycle and 225 units of Bravelle a day. We were almost cancelled but managed to get 6 mature eggs of which only 3 fertilized.
Our second IVF was long lupron again on 300 units of Bravelle + 75 units of Luveris. I had 11 follicles and 9 eggs were collected, 8 were mature eggs, and 7 fertilized.
We’re not getting vast improvements in the egg making department here. My only hope is that my AMH is fine and that the real issue is that I’m just not a good candidate for the long lupron protocol. We could really use some good news here. But I’m feeling a bit defeated and have found myself wondering if we should just drop everything and head to adoption, the sure thing, right? But it’s not a settled feeling, there is no peace in that decision, so we push forward.
Our third and final IVF will be a lupron flare protocol with 375 units of Bravelle + 75 units of Luveris. This is the max you can give a person AND it's a short cycle ~2-3 weeks which I like...a lot.
Hammer is starting to really struggle with the fact that, per his words, “it’s his fault” regardless of the fact that I’ve told him I’ve always known but that it didn’t matter, this is OUR trial and we are doing this TOGETHER and that if given the chance I would marry him all over again even knowing we would go through this. He is my soul mate, the one whom God intended for me,, there is not a doubt in my mind. I think that over the course of this journey he has really held it together while I have been a roller coaster since, as you all know, women are put through the majority of the procedures, drugs etc. I think this is his moment where he needs to grieve but it just kills me to see him struggle because I know full well what he is feeling. But it does not help that this comes on the tails of losing his dad and the fact that we both have always known for years he would never see his grandchildren and now it has come true.
And now we’ve come to the end of the line, last chance IVF. Go big or go home. So to pick us up and give us some hope I resumed my research on IVF/ICSI and DNA fragmentation. It was actually very encouraging. In one article showed that for men who did not meet ICSI criteria (Hammer) and were treated with antioxidants for 2 months, there was an increase in pregnancy rate that went from 6.9% to 48.2%. And that ICSI actually had a more negative outcome. Two other articles supported this outcome. So we are leaning towards not doing ICS because it is believed that the zona of the egg and good ole’ Mother Nature herself may be the best selector of healthy sperm in our case. We are, however, going to ask about assisted hatching which is used in couples who have had several failed IVF cycles, like us.
Hammer’s vitamin regime has been revised to the following (amount increase in parenthesis):
-Vitamin C 1000 mg (+800 mg)
-Vitamin E 800 IU (+400 IU)
-L Acetyl-Carnitine 1 gram
-L Carnitine 1 gram (morning and evening)
-Pycogenol 100 mg
-Co Q-10 75 mg
In addition to vitamins we will both begin drinking antioxidant smoothies:
1 oz acai juice
1oz pomegranate juice
1oz frozen wheat grass
½ cup organic blueberries
½ cup organic orange and/or pineapple juice
½ cup organic yogurt
2 tbsp raw honey
Hopefully this will be an even bigger antioxidant booster. We will also be ensuring that Hammer eats 2-3 dinner salads that contain organic mixed greens. Our chiropractor has an antioxidant screening test that Hammer will have done to get a baseline and then subsequent checks to see if his levels are improving. I’m posting all of this for those women out there who may have or may be interested in testing for sperm DNA fragmentation but then receive little to no guidance from their RE’s about how to treat it. Mainly because that is what we are experiencing but thankfully as a dietitian and background in research I know enough to find out how to treat it. My hope is that I can pass this on to anyone else out there who may need it. If those of you who are reading have any questions I will be more than happy to answer them as there is not a lot of information out there and it’s a controversial topic.
Our first IVF I was on the long lupron cycle and 225 units of Bravelle a day. We were almost cancelled but managed to get 6 mature eggs of which only 3 fertilized.
Our second IVF was long lupron again on 300 units of Bravelle + 75 units of Luveris. I had 11 follicles and 9 eggs were collected, 8 were mature eggs, and 7 fertilized.
We’re not getting vast improvements in the egg making department here. My only hope is that my AMH is fine and that the real issue is that I’m just not a good candidate for the long lupron protocol. We could really use some good news here. But I’m feeling a bit defeated and have found myself wondering if we should just drop everything and head to adoption, the sure thing, right? But it’s not a settled feeling, there is no peace in that decision, so we push forward.
Our third and final IVF will be a lupron flare protocol with 375 units of Bravelle + 75 units of Luveris. This is the max you can give a person AND it's a short cycle ~2-3 weeks which I like...a lot.
Hammer is starting to really struggle with the fact that, per his words, “it’s his fault” regardless of the fact that I’ve told him I’ve always known but that it didn’t matter, this is OUR trial and we are doing this TOGETHER and that if given the chance I would marry him all over again even knowing we would go through this. He is my soul mate, the one whom God intended for me,, there is not a doubt in my mind. I think that over the course of this journey he has really held it together while I have been a roller coaster since, as you all know, women are put through the majority of the procedures, drugs etc. I think this is his moment where he needs to grieve but it just kills me to see him struggle because I know full well what he is feeling. But it does not help that this comes on the tails of losing his dad and the fact that we both have always known for years he would never see his grandchildren and now it has come true.
And now we’ve come to the end of the line, last chance IVF. Go big or go home. So to pick us up and give us some hope I resumed my research on IVF/ICSI and DNA fragmentation. It was actually very encouraging. In one article showed that for men who did not meet ICSI criteria (Hammer) and were treated with antioxidants for 2 months, there was an increase in pregnancy rate that went from 6.9% to 48.2%. And that ICSI actually had a more negative outcome. Two other articles supported this outcome. So we are leaning towards not doing ICS because it is believed that the zona of the egg and good ole’ Mother Nature herself may be the best selector of healthy sperm in our case. We are, however, going to ask about assisted hatching which is used in couples who have had several failed IVF cycles, like us.
Hammer’s vitamin regime has been revised to the following (amount increase in parenthesis):
-Vitamin C 1000 mg (+800 mg)
-Vitamin E 800 IU (+400 IU)
-L Acetyl-Carnitine 1 gram
-L Carnitine 1 gram (morning and evening)
-Pycogenol 100 mg
-Co Q-10 75 mg
In addition to vitamins we will both begin drinking antioxidant smoothies:
1 oz acai juice
1oz pomegranate juice
1oz frozen wheat grass
½ cup organic blueberries
½ cup organic orange and/or pineapple juice
½ cup organic yogurt
2 tbsp raw honey
Hopefully this will be an even bigger antioxidant booster. We will also be ensuring that Hammer eats 2-3 dinner salads that contain organic mixed greens. Our chiropractor has an antioxidant screening test that Hammer will have done to get a baseline and then subsequent checks to see if his levels are improving. I’m posting all of this for those women out there who may have or may be interested in testing for sperm DNA fragmentation but then receive little to no guidance from their RE’s about how to treat it. Mainly because that is what we are experiencing but thankfully as a dietitian and background in research I know enough to find out how to treat it. My hope is that I can pass this on to anyone else out there who may need it. If those of you who are reading have any questions I will be more than happy to answer them as there is not a lot of information out there and it’s a controversial topic.
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