Wednesday, October 19, 2011

One Year

One year ago I sat on a beach awaiting the results of our fourth IVF. I never would have guessed that today I would sit on the same beach having suffered through a missed miscarriage and an ectopic. It seems surreal, like it wasn't me that this all happened to but it was.

To catch you up after my last post, I spent the first whole day in bed and in a great deal of pain. The next day I was able to get downstairs with assistance and Hammer drove me to a follow up appointment for blood work. The results showed a marked decrease in my hcg levels post op as they went from 3,051 to 600. My doctor was very encouraged by this and felt that I would likely not need a follow up shot of Methotrexate. Apparently when the tube is saved there is a 20% risk that fetal tissue can be left behind and it can continue to grow. If this is not caught then the tube could burst again. I was concerned about this as we had hit every other small probability on this journey. But things were going well even though I still needed a regular dose of per.cocet to manage the pain. A day later, Friday, I was able to get myself up to go to the bathroom and I noticed that thing didn't quiet look right. Saturday morning Hammer took me to the local urgent care where I was diagnosed with a severe bladder infection. Since I was on pain meds they couldn't confirm there if it had made it to my kidneys. The doctor decided not to admit me but did put me on some very intense antibiotics and have me report my progress. Thankfully it worked but the side effects of percocet and the antibiotic knocked me out. I ended up taking the entire week off following the surgery. In the end it was a good thing. This recovery was far more intense than the previous lap. At my one week follow up appointment I was still sore and swollen. My doctor said it was to be expected as I had a lot of internal bleeding that she cleaned up. My internal organs were very irritated and bruised but I was healing well over all. She also confirmed that our ectopic was just a freak occurrence and that my history of mild endometriosis did not have anything to do with it. Apparently endometriosis would never have allowed the embryo to get up that far. So more than likely my tube was fine and it just decided to take a tour up my tube. I also learned at that appointment that they did an analysis on the tissue and it was healthy fetal tissue. I didn't want to know the gender this time around but the information is there if we ever wanted to know. My hcg levels went down to 107 so my doctor was confident that it would resolve in about a week or so. My first week back at work was exhausting. Only three people know of what happened and I prefer it that way but it meant that I had to put on a happy face and lie about why I was off. I did not enjoy that at all.

A week later my hcg was down to 15 and a week after that AF made her appearance. I was very thankful that it ended so quickly. Since then I actually have ovulated from my right side. I'm 95% sure it was the right side because I had very intense sharp pain that lasted about 5 minutes. It was very, very sharp so clearly I am still healing. Hammer and I decided to go ahead with an HSG in January to ensure the tube is open. Beyond that I know we are done with IVF.

It's hard to be back in the same spot a year later with everything that we've been through but it also brings closure. We'll certainly be taking time off to heal emotionally but when we are ready we will be moving forward with building our family.


BB said...

I am speechless! :( The strong will and faith that you have... you deserve to have a happy family... without having to go through so much! My heart aches for you! I pray for peace and a positive direction for your husband and you!

Miss Megan said...

You guys have been through so much. Thinking of you as you move on to your next steps.

Lindsey said...

I have the same feelings a lot. Sitting in the same place on the same day one year later, thinking about all I have been through this last year and it all feels very surreal. Did I really do all that stuff? Are you serious that I still don't have a baby after it?!?

This year it was at our churches fall supper. Last year I had just found out close friends were pregnant and it was the first time I had seen them since I found out. This year it happened again, another set of close friends are pregnant and the fall supper was the first time I saw them since finding out. Plus the first couples baby was there. It really hit me then all I had been through. It also made me think, is this is what next year is going to be like too. There is will TWO babies and I will still be empty handed?

Although I can't even compare to all you have been through. I can't even imagine. I still have fertility treatments ahead of me. But if you read Making Me Mom, you will see that God is wonderfully unpredictable and awesome!

Praying for you! Thank you for the encouragement you have been to me as well!

Hillary said...

Grieving with you over this past year (and years). ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry; life is so unfair sometimes... Just remember that no matter what happens, there is always hope. #Sending healing thoughts your way.