I've been hoping for 2009 to come to a close for the last few weeks. It's been a really rough year and the rough patches are not over yet. Hammer's dad continues to be with us but is very frail. We don't know if we have days, weeks or months ahead of us. Dying from lung disease can be a slow process. I am thankful that hospice is doing their best to keep him comfortable. We had a good visit, he was alert enough for us to talk to him AND he got to see his favorite college football team play and WIN on Friday. We were praying they would win just so that he could see it one more time. We may have to postpone our weekend getaway, understandably so, but he didn't want us to, we'll see.
While we were driving down to SC we got the call from our RE with the results of the sperm DNA fragmentation test. They weren't good, they weren't horrible either but it answered more questions for us. With the test they want the results to be 30% fragmentation or less...we were 48%. It means we may be able to overcome some of the fragmentation with vitamins but it explains why our 3 day transfers looked good but never worked. Sperm DNA rears it's ugly head after day 3 and I've never made enough eggs to get to a 5 day transfer. It also explains the blighted ovum i.e. miscarriage as well as our lack of natural pregnancy. When you are already working with low sperm counts and half of them are retarded it's not going to happen on your own - *sigh*
This next cycle we need more eggs, ICSI and lots of prayers. Honestly at this point I'm not really sure that IVF is going to work for us. (I know it's totally not positive) But we are going to give this one last shot. Technically we really only had one good cycle so far since the first one was a bust and really should have been cancelled. I just don't know how many more times we want to go through this though. We really just want to be parents and at least with adoption you have a really good change of becoming a family versus IVF's average 40% success rate.
AF arrived today so at least I know my body is starting to work again but at this point we have not even set a tentative date for the next cycle. We don't feel like we can plan anything with Hammer's dad right now. All we know is that Hammer will have to be on vitamins for ~3-4 months in advance so we have some time. And taking a rest is a good thing.
2010 I really hope you are better to us than your older sibling.