Monday, May 24, 2010

Whoaaaaaaaaa Nelly!

Soooo, today was crazy. Actually that would be an understatement. Let me back up a bit.

On Saturday I was expecting AF to arrive but she decided to be fashionably late and show up on Sunday instead. I can deal with being one day off. So I called my IVF nurse and let them know. But for whatever reason I didn't hear from them until today which is unusual. So of course I was a bit panicky that the reason they hadn't called me back is that I left the wrong number so I left another message.

When I heard back from them the RN told me that my protocol would be 7 weeks in length with retrieval in the first full week of July. And here is where things got a bit messy. You see July is not a good time for me as I review grants which are due the day of my estimated transfer. The protocol told to me back in January was totally different and I had planned everything around it. So when I heard a different protocol I started shaking and crying on the phone. The RN was wonderful and figured out that what was told to me was the micro-dose lupron protocol without BCPs. My RE just wanted to include BCP to ensure I did not have a cyst. So the RN started asking me about my last two cycles and said that we might be able to just skip the BCP and jump to stimming. But that would mean I would start stimming this Wednesday. At first I thought, "Great, let’s just get right to it," and told her to go ahead. But then when I hung up the phone and talked to Hammer he was hesitant and reminded me that I would not be able to do accupunture. He made a valid point that since this was our last cycle that we needed to have no regrets.

But then the pharmacy called and I had to hang up with Hammer to answer their call. At first I started to give them all my information and then I stopped and asked if I could call them back. I then called the RN and told her about our misgivings but she is so darn convincing. She told me to take 5-10 minutes to talk to Hammer about it and then call me back. But I couldn’t get a hold of Hammer and the pharmacy needed to get the order in so in a moment of weakness I agreed to do it again, completely forgetting about what Hammer and I talked about, I even scheduled an u/s for today to see if I had any cysts! I called the pharmacy back who scheduled to deliver my micro-dose lupron to the clinic. So pending any cysts, all was set for retrieval on May 4th and a transfer on May 10th or so I thought.

I had to leave work a few minutes early to make it to the u/s but on the way I started to have strong misgivings. I realized that if we went forward with this I would have regrets because I wouldn’t have been able to do acupuncture like I wanted and this was all moving so fast which was stressful. Hammer and I had decided that since this was our last cycle we didn’t want to have any regrets and here I was driving to an appointment that had me riddled with regret.

So as I sat there, on the exam table, pantless in my paper frock, waiting for my RE to come in I made a decision. When he came in I told him I was ‘chickening out’ and explained about how this was so fast and that there were preparations that we wouldn’t be able to do and that would leave us with regrets if it didn’t work. And really even if we did the u/s and he found a cyst we’d still have to do the long version anyway so maybe we should just stick with the original plan which is less stressful and without regret and with that I slapped my legs in a playful way and said, “And we need this to work!” And my RE’s response was, “Dammit, that’s right!”

So I think my clinic RNs must believe I’m completely neurotic but I feel much better and appreciate that at least my RE agrees that we need to do everything we can to make this cycle work. So today I should get my revised schedule from the IVF RN. I will start my BCP tomorrow which will run from 5/25-6/14; I’ll only take ~3 day of lupron before starting stims which means it’s about 1-1 ½ weeks shorter than the long lupron cycle. I’ll update my IVF schedule on the right bar after I get my official schedule.


JB said...

Good for you, sticking to your guns. I felt the same way about our last cycle -- it had to be all-in because it was the last one, regardless of outcome. You deserve to feel like you've given it your all!

Allison said...

I applaud you for listening to your gut. Your instincts were telling you that rushing into your IVF cycle wasn't right and I'm so happy that you trusted them.

I think about you often and am so glad to see you updating. I hope you're doing well!

Kerri said...

Wow, that sure was a lot to consider. I think I'd be the same way as you, though: wanting to make sure I wasn't rushing anything & that I was doing everything possible to make this work so there are no regrets. I'm excited for you to get this process rolling again.

kdactyl said...

Wow...that was a CRAZY day!!!!! But I totally agree that you made the right decisions. Knowing this is the last cycle, you don't want to walk away with any regrets and I totally believe in the accupuncture and studies show it can increase your IVF chances by as much as 12% so don't be in a hurry. need to be calm and centered when you enter a cycle, not frazzled and feeling rushed. I will be sending lots of good, follie building vibes your way and then sticky embie vibes as well! Good luck and Welcome back to the crazy journey!

KZ said...

Good for you! The pressure to get on the infertility roller coaster is hard, and only one going through it can understand. I think you made the right decision for you. No regrets. After my second failed IVF, I wanted to jump right back in, but my husband said no, take a month and let the body heal (moderate case of OHSS). This was our final IVF and he wanted to have no regrets. So we pushed it back. You husband sounds supportive and listens to you very well. Congrats and best of luck with this cycle. Keep us posted.

Nicole said...

Oh the mess that is coordinating an IVF cycle calendar. Reading this post instantly brought me back to last October when I was frantic on the phone trying to reschedule several things and make everything fit together while pulling my hair out! I'm sorry about this extra stress (as if IVF wasn't stressful enough). But I think that it will all work out okay. Maybe you will stim just a tad slow and be pushed back just enough to be able to get your reviews in. Maybe you will stim fast and get them done while on bedrest. I dunno.
It seemed to me that all the opposition and subsequently working itself out was the way God planned it for my most recent cycle. So I'm taking this problem you're having as good news :) lol


Grace said...

I think you made the right decision by choosing to wait. It's better you went with the plan you had with your husband.

Hope you're well!

Hillary said...

Eek, that is a crazy day! Way to go for sticking to your guns.

Brittney said...

It's great that you remained persistent and determined to stick to your plan - you absolutely deserve to have your wishes met!! These cycles are too expensive not to. Good for you:) I'm really looking forward to following you on the next phase of your journey. Hope you're having a wonderful weekend.

Anonymous said...

There is something I call righteous riled-up-ness, where you get really worked up when someone is trying to get you to do something that seems right but truly isn't the right thing for you or your situation. And, it always involves telling someone, "No." Way to listen to your inner "righteous riled-up-ness."

We experienced secondary infertility. It was such an emotionally tormenting 4 years, until we found the right doctor who had a plan that worked - and here we are!

Believing-in-miracles living is not an easy way to live - it was emotionally challenging. However, I think it strengthened me for life with my miracles!