Mid-January Hammer and I decided to join a church plant that split off of our church. It was an intentional church plant that was sent out to reach young adults in their late twenties and thirties. We were really excited about the opportunity and God has really been blessing the church. Our opening Sunday we had 450 people! We are creating a great community of people which is a void that had been lacking at our old church.
For the lent season our church decided to do a bible study series called Free. They had everyone in the church divide up by the day of the week they were available to meet. This is a great way for everyone to meet more people in the church and develop an even deeper community. There was a bit of pre-meeting workbook preparation. As I went through it I realized that the underlying theme of what was preventing true spiritual freedom for me right now was the fact that I was not living my ultimate dream of being a mom and that it made me feel a bit that God was being unfair with me. I told Hammer that I had decided to do two different responses; one for me about our infertility and one that I felt comfortable sharing with the group. I was very clear with Hammer that I wasn't going to be sharing our trial with a group of strangers.
But God must have had a different idea. One of the couples who offered up their home for the group meeting shared that she needed freedom from worry after having suffered from three miscarriages. Afterward I felt strongly compelled to speak to her and thank her for sharing such a difficult and personal trial. And when I did, I found myself tearing up and thanking her for being brave and sharing something that I couldn't. She instantly understood and gave me a huge hug. We ended up staying after everyone else had left to talk to the couple and each share a bit of our infertility trials. Oh the irony that I wanted to remain in my safe, secure space and instead God brought someone into my life to help me live a little bit more free from my burden of infertility.