Saturday, March 21, 2009

The Wrench

Hammer got a job offer yesterday. He wasn't even looking for a job. It's a great promotion, high level position, great pay.

It's in New Jersey.

I don't even know anyone in New Jersey nor have I ever had any desire to move there. I actually don't like large cities. I like grass and trees and SPACE. I know that there are some areas that are suburb-like but it's still too close to a massively large city i.e. NYC.

His point was that if we were going to move and experience a new city we should do it now. My point is that it's three years too late. Meaning that people move to new cities to experience things BEFORE they are ready to start having kids. We have been ready for almost three years now, three long difficult years. We are established with a RE and possibly getting ready to do IVF in a few months. He is wondering if we can delay a move for a few months to do IVF but it leaves so many what if's:

1. What if I get OHSS and our IVF gets cancelled; can we put off a move for another two months to try IVF again?
2. What if IVF fails; will we still move or try again?
3. If we move whether it works or not what about our eggs and embryos if we have any left over?
4. He thinks we can come back and do IVF but in reality I am the one coming back for all the u/s and blood work because he certainly will not take off two months vacation to wait around for the IVF process which means I'll be alone feeling like one of those unmarried women who did IVF with a sperm donor. (this is my most ridiculous scenario but I'm freaking out here people)
5. What if it does work and I have to leave all my family and friends during the moment that we've been waiting for? I wont get to experience all of this with them because I will be ALONE, IN NEW JERSEY!
6. What if I end up with multiples and I NEED my family more than ever to help out? Except I'll be ALONE, IN NEW JERSEY!

I could go on and on with tons of different scenarios that would just push me further into a stressed state. (And I was feeling so good the other day. What is happening?) Obviously we are praying over this but everything in my body and soul says, "No, no no no." If he takes this job he will be working ALL THE TIME. He already works late nights and I've talked to him several times about this not being healthy and that he cannot do this when we have kids. That he is making bad work habits now that will not work in the future when he has a family. I hate to be the one to squash his opportunity for his career but I just don't think this is worth sacrificing our opportunity to have a family.

Please pray that we can make the right decision together, that if I'm not being open to something God has brought into our lives that it would be made known, and that we have direction on making the best decision for the future family we so desperately want to have someday.


Hillary said...

I said a prayer! That is a TOUGH situation and decision, and I'm praying that God will guide you together. **hugs**

cady said...

wow, that is a hard situation. i'm keeping you guys in my prayers that you make the right decision.

Shannon said...

Oh wow! Congrats to Hammer on the job! I will be praying like crazy that you guys are able to listen to God and let him guide you down the right path. Good luck!

Meant to be a mom said...

I can only imagine how your feeling right now. I will definatley keep you in my prayers. Family is the most important thing in the world to me. I would never like to be away from mine. If your both not feeling good about this than another opportunity will present itself in the futre and you'll be glad you didn't take it. But like you said if this is your time to move than I will pray for you guys that this decision works out great for you both.