At this point I need to come to terms with the fact that I will never be the type of woman who will grow more follicles as I continue on stims. Honestly I'm really disappointed and frustrated with my RE. I feel like for the last three cycles all we've done is beat the dead Lupron+Bravelle+Luvaris horse and had minimal results. Before we started this cycle I had been trying to get Hammer to consider going to a different RE but he was unwilling. So here I sit for our final IVF cycle with the same minimal results on practically the same protocol. This is not the end to our final cycle that I was hoping for and now I'm feeling like if this is it and it doesn't work I'm going to feel completely unresolved with moving on.
We actually had a long talk last night about what we should do. Hammer only wants to go through one more full IVF cycle. So that means if I want to try a totally different protocol we'd have to cancel this cycle pre-retrieval. But yet it feels like such a waste to do so. At this point we may get between 7-8 mature follicles and hopefully as many mature eggs. I know that our clinic wouldn't even consider an IUI with that many follicles. So I've asked Hammer to consider if this cycle doesn't work for us to try one more, and ONLY one more. When you consider that our first cycle was a total bust, we've really only done two cycles (including this one). I'd really like have walked away having done three cycles knowing that we did everything we could and right now I don't have that peace. It was definitely an interesting conversation because Hammer came from the "I don't want to do anymore, I'm ready for adoption" direction and that since he was ready, we needed to move on. So for me to explain how you can't go into adoption if one of us is unresolved so where did this, "I'm ready so therefore my opinion rules" mentality come from and I think it challenged him a bit. And don't get me wrong this wasn't a fight just a discussion between us.
I apologize to all the women reading that would die for 7-8 follicles. Being 31 with normal FSH, AMH etc. and on crazy amounts of stims it's been difficult to accept that this is the best I can do. And with Hammer's issue we need as many follicles to find the one healthy combination of us both.
Here is where we stand as of Saturday (6/26):
R: 12.7mm x2, 12.9mm (3 total)
L: 11.5mm, 11.3mm, 11.1mm, 10.3mm, 8.2mm (5 total)
Lining = 8.8mm
I'm not sure that our 8.2 will catch up in time to be mature so we're maybe really looking at 6-7 mature eggs at retrieval. Compare that to our last cycle where we had 9 follicles and 8 mature eggs and hopefully you can see why we are upset that this cycle is worse than the last one.
I have one more appointment on Monday for another check. Right now they are talking about doing the trigger on Tuesday for a Thursday retrieval which is extending me out one day more than anticipated. And at this point I'm still not bloated nor feel anything, weird.