Thursday, August 13, 2009

Adoption Meeting Update and Other Things

We went to our first local RESOLVE meeting last Thursday which was a ‘special’ session where they had a speaker from a local adoption agency. Hammer and I were excited to get an opportunity to hear about adoption without having to pay for an initial consultation at an agency. The speaker was a social worker who specialized in international adoption but she did give information on domestic as well. I had always been open to any type of adoption but have yielded to what Hammer’s feelings were on the subject. Having been a ‘surprise’ son to a his mom and dad who had adopted two other children nine years prior, I feel that he had more insight into the subject. He wants to have a similar situation to how he grew up and said that it was hard enough explaining why his older brother was a towering 6’4” brown eyed red head while he and his parents are short, blue eyed and blond. I really did not care what type of adoption we would do as long as it would make us parents. But after hearing about international adoption, all the fees, paperwork, multiple extended visits, and ridiculous requirements, I was completely turned off. I mean, seriously China, why do you have a BMI requirement and a ‘facial feature’ requirement? What on earth does the way my cheek bones sit have anything to do with being a good parent? While Hammer and I would not be held back by our BMI/facial features it just rubbed me the wrong way that they would base parenting on superficial things. And while I started to think that maybe there was some ancient Chinese belief related to body/facial features it still wasn’t working for me. There will be no Asian babies in my future. We also learned that the international adoption wait time was 4-5 years!!!! And that in total, it would cost us $45,000. Holy Pete!

So it was pretty clear to us that if we had to walk down the adoption road it would be domestic. But that’s the type of information we wanted to hear to be able to make a decision that was right for us. In our state the wait time for domestic is no longer than two years. And the price is much more reasonable, around $20,000. The laws in our state for adoptive parents are really good so the likelihood of ever being a Hallmark Special Movie titled, “Give Me Back My Baby,” is rarely if ever going to happen. There is always the risk of a mom changing her mind but the two big agencies in our area have safeties in place so that you don’t loose out on your money if it falls through. While we still are going to give IVF another try here shortly, it was comforting to know our options.

We also got to meet a few other couples in the same boat as us. One of them was my Bravelle angel who not only gave me her extra vials but her extra syringes as well. We are both in the same place as far as suffering a failed IVF cycle this past month. Although, unlike us, they are blessed to have several snow babies and are gearing up to do a FET here shortly. I’m not jealous; God gave her snow babies so she would have extra meds for me and so God could continue to show us his provision. Seriously, to have to do a second IVF cycle and have Hammer get an unexpected bonus plus have two complete strangers give me a total of 28 vials of Bravelle for $300 is provision!

16 comments:

Simple said...

I admire your strength & tenancity.. thinking of you & sending you positive vibes!!! :)

osuraj said...

I'm assuming it's Karrie that is giving you her meds. She is awesome, I'm so glad you guys got in touch and you are able to use her meds. That's a really big deal! When do you think you will start the process? Prayers!

Sumer said...

I admire your strenght, courage, and faith. You are truly an inspiration to me. I am continually amazed as I sit and read your posts. I can learn a lot from you in how you approach every step of this journey.

Maybe we will end up cycling together. My thoughts are with you!

Jesse and Mandy Peterson said...

I know the ways that our hearts ache to actually experience pregnancy- to feel the baby move inside of you and to look at him/her and see the resemblance of their daddy. And while that is an amazing gift that I hope you DO get to experience, I think adoption is an absolutely beautiful picture of God's love for us. I love the idea of being chosen. When you're out on that kickball field and you are the last one picked, the reason why it hurts so much is because it signifies that there was nothing about you worth wanting. When your spouse gets down on one knee and asks you to marry him, it's not just an expression of his love, but it's a statement that says, "There is something (hopefully many things) about you that are SO worth having that I CHOOSE you to spend every single day of the rest of my life with!" And the Bible says that God CHOSE us even while we were still sinners, adopting us into His family- choosing to call us His children. He saw something worth having. It's a beautiful thing!

So, whatever path God takes you down, I know it is going to be an amazing expression of Himself. And, I can't wait to see how God reveals Himself to you in either scenario. It's your testimony, and it's being written right now!!!

Tabitha said...

Love the attitude...you WILL be blessed!

JB said...

Keep up the positive vibes!

jvwaiting said...

So glad you got some positive information about adoption. It's a lot to take in, but doing everything in stide is a great way to do it. I had no idea international adoption was so crazy expensive! And positive thinking is so important too - you have such an amazing attitude about everything.
And if you need anymore Bravelle - I have a couple of boxes unopened.

Hoping for our own Peanut said...

sounds like quite the informative meeting. at least you have some direction now, if you need it. lets just plan on operation #2 being a success. then, youll only have to wait 9 months, rather than 2 years. :)

Brittney said...

I had no idea how expensive international adoption was either! Wow. My husband and I have talked about it before but never explored it financially...good to know.

You are so inspiring. I love the fact that you persevere with such grace. I hope to someday have a fraction of your character.

May God bless you today.

Meant to be a mom said...

Thats exciting that you got to get a glimpse into the adoption process. HOLY COW, I had no idea that international adoption was so dang expensive and such a long wait. CRAZY!
Stick with the U.S I guess.

Also what a generous kind person to give you the meds. Prayers for you guys!!!

twoweekwait said...

I might one day want to adopt internationally. What about facial features did they require?

Hillary said...

It sounds like God is guiding each step of your path. So exciting!

makingmemom.blogspot.com

Amber said...

it is amazing how much international adoption is and yes its insane the wait time on china thats the longest of any of them by far.
I just wrote a post on all types of adoption questions on my blog if you are interested. Im learning as we go for sure:)

Hillary said...

Hi Mrs. Hammer! You won the book giveaway on my blog, congrats :) Please email me to confirm that you do want the book (Waiting for Daisy), and if so, what your address is. The only condition is that you give the book away to another IF blogger after you have read it. makingmemom@gmail.com

makingmemom.blogspot.com

Sassy said...

Wow woman it sounds like a lot has been going on since the last time I was able to check in!

Sumer said...

I have my fingers crossed that AF comes soon for you!