Ok so I've been blog surfing and I came across a blog where a Christian couple, actively dealing with infertility, was also strongly relying on prayer. And for some reason this annoyed me. Why? Why would this bother me? I felt *yuch* about it because it was so, so, well, Christiany. Sounds horrible to say but it's true. And I mean no offense to the couple because really they are in the right. Maybe we've just been doing this for too long i.e., this infertility thing. I've struggled with some bitterness but over all I haven't become angry with God. But I have had trouble talking to Him about things. Maybe because I'm afraid that if I prayed and didn't receive that I would become bitter towards Him. That sounds even stupider to say but I'm saying it. This blog thing is free therapy so let's just put it all out on the table.
So basically I'm saying that maybe we should be doing the Christiany thing that makes me go *yuch* and really pray about it. You see my warning light is going off right now. It's that realization that the only thing that would be discouraging me from talking to God would be the one person who wouldn't want me to do it, "could it be, SATAN?" (read with a SNL Church lady voice.) Most likely yes.
So thank you infertile christian blogger for convicting me. I'm sorry I said your blog made me feel *yuch* but it wasn't you, it was me. You actually helped me out just by blogging and being true to who you are in Christ. Go you.