Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Trash Picking

Yes you read that right, trash picking. It’s what Hammer and I did last night. After our phone call earlier that day which went something like this:


“Hi G, this is Mrs. Hammer. I was just calling about my beta on Monday and wondered if I could stop taking the progesterone yet. I took a HPT on Saturday that came up negative so we're assuming that it's over. Also for a follow up appointment we’d be available Wednesday through Friday of next week. Thanks. Bye.”


RN: Hi Mrs. Hammer, it’s G.

ME: Hi G.

RN: We actually need you to keep taking the progesterone because your HCG went up to 107 on Monday.

ME: 1.7, right.

RN: No, 107.

ME: 1.7

RN: No, 107.

ME: What?

RN: Yeah, right now it’s probably not a viable pregnancy and there is no way we can tell yet if it’s ectopic or a blighted ovum. We need you to go in for more blood work tomorrow and based upon that test we’ll decide what to do from there. Now you mentioned a pregnancy test that came up negative?

ME: Uh, yeah, um, well I took one on Saturday. It was one of those cheap internet ones that they say to toss after 10 minutes as the results would be inaccurate. So when it was still negative at 10 minutes we pitched it and assumed that it was over.

RN: Well those really aren’t reliable.

ME: Clearly.

RN: Let’s just stick to the blood tests from here on out.

So when I got home I did what any normal women hopped up on synthetic progesterone and unstoppable HCG would do; I went trash picking. You know what? That dumb test had a faint second line. And I know I had the right one because my first two positive tests from last Thursday and Friday were brand FRER and all I had left were a couple of the internet cheap-os to use on Saturday. All the other ones’ from earlier in the cycle were internet cheap-os and all were negative except for the one with the faint positive line.

This morning I peed on the last internet cheap-o HPT just to see what would happen now that I knew I had an HCG over 100…BARELY FREAKING POSITIVE AGAIN! It took 15 minutes to see the second line start to form. What gives? These are supposed to be sensitive to 20 HCG so how come it took WELL over the time limit to get a positive this morning?

Well I have learned one thing; is only for the fertile. They need to have a warning sign:

WARNING: Infertile women stay away! Our tests do not work correctly for you and will severely toy with your emotions. We will give you false positives which will impact your concept of self worth and only lead to more infertile feelings.

I promise from here on out I will shell out the big bucks and only pee on FRER. Of course I’ve been burned this cycle so I’m just going to stick with blood tests until we know more. As far as what I’m feeling…numb. Numb would be the word of choice. I’ve already cried and mourned our cycle so I have no more tears to shed. I can’t feel happy because there could be no baby in there and I can’t feel sad because there could be a baby in there. So I’m in some sort of weird limbo that is void of emotion.


Astrid said...

Man that is so weird. I was totally going to test w/ earlyPT tests this cycle and now I'm re-thinking - maybe that $7 for a fancier one is worth it. But I also remember that I got a positive earlyPT test when I had a level of NINE as I was watching my levels come down after my partial mole. Go figure, i guess blood tests are best - wish they weren't so invasive and difficult (relative to peeing on sticks) to do. And then there's the issue of waiting for the call with your about emotional roller coaster. I'm hoping for the best for you!!

kdactyl said...

Wow...this is so wierd. I am not sure how I should feel for you either. I want to be excited that mayby you are not out this cycle afterall, but I also don't want you to get your hopes up again just to have to relive any bad news tomorrow after the bloodwork. I am in a bit of a limbo/numb state with you. Hang in there. I know this is tough.

Tabitha said...

Ugh. I've been out of the office for a few days now and I'm trying to catch up on my favorite blogs...what a strange story you have! I can't believe it's still going up, and I can't help but pray that there is a miracle inside of you right now! HOw horrible it must be to be in that limbo beta place. I wish you all the best, and I'm praying for you!!

P.S. send me an email at, with your e-mail address in it, so I can add you to my list of readers if I choose to go private!

Rob & Lindsey said...

I can only imagine what you are going through and I'm sorry it has to be so hard. Praying for you and Mr. Hammer!

Nicole said...

Weird. I would totally be in emotional limbo too. I hope this gets easier for you SOON!

lori said...

Hmmmmm . . . I don't like roller coasters! I will just say that with my first pregnancy I had to take 3 pregnancy tests, all a week apart, before I got a positive. Hang in there!

T said...

I am so sorry you are dealing with this rollercoaster...

thinking positive vibes for you.

I never use those cheapies.. spend crazy amounts of First repsonses each time

Brittney said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't help but hold out hope that this pregnancy is viable after all...but I also understand not wanting to get your hopes up. Keeping you all in my prayers.

~J~ said...

You are not the only one who has gone trash picking...I am quite certain I have gone back a few times just to "confirm" the results.
I can't believe you are in this strange limbo must be taking such a toll on your emotions. Stay strong - there are lots of us praying for you!

Shannon said...

Im really sorry that you are going through this. Im continuing to pray for you and Mr. Hammer- I pray that you get answers soon.

Waiting said...

That sucks! I have a whack load of tests from I am sure they are the same.

Hillary said...

Man, those cheapies are all I use...maybe I've been pregnant before and just didn't know it :/ J/k...

Sorry for the crazy roller coaster, I am praying for a miracle, and praying for peace for you!

Kerri said...

Oh my gosh, the internet cheapies are TERRIBLE. Awful. I got my very first faint positive with one of those. A week later, I was still taking HPTs (because I was having weird beta issues too) and the Clear Blue Easy and FR both gave me nice, dark second lines but the internet cheapies were still giving me faint 2nd lines! They're pretty much worthless. I'm sorry you're going through this. I can totally understand how you just feel numb at this point. Hopefully you will get some answers soon.