Trash Picking

Yes you read that right, trash picking. It’s what Hammer and I did last night. After our phone call earlier that day which went something like this:

VOICEMAIL FROM MRS. HAMMER

“Hi G, this is Mrs. Hammer. I was just calling about my beta on Monday and wondered if I could stop taking the progesterone yet. I took a HPT on Saturday that came up negative so we're assuming that it's over. Also for a follow up appointment we’d be available Wednesday through Friday of next week. Thanks. Bye.”

CALL FROM RE'S RN LATER THAT DAY

RN: Hi Mrs. Hammer, it’s G.

ME: Hi G.

RN: We actually need you to keep taking the progesterone because your HCG went up to 107 on Monday.

ME: 1.7, right.

RN: No, 107.

ME: 1.7

RN: No, 107.

ME: What?

RN: Yeah, right now it’s probably not a viable pregnancy and there is no way we can tell yet if it’s ectopic or a blighted ovum. We need you to go in for more blood work tomorrow and based upon that test we’ll decide what to do from there. Now you mentioned a pregnancy test that came up negative?

ME: Uh, yeah, um, well I took one on Saturday. It was one of those cheap internet ones that they say to toss after 10 minutes as the results would be inaccurate. So when it was still negative at 10 minutes we pitched it and assumed that it was over.

RN: Well those really aren’t reliable.

ME: Clearly.

RN: Let’s just stick to the blood tests from here on out.

So when I got home I did what any normal women hopped up on synthetic progesterone and unstoppable HCG would do; I went trash picking. You know what? That dumb test had a faint second line. And I know I had the right one because my first two positive tests from last Thursday and Friday were brand FRER and all I had left were a couple of the internet cheap-os to use on Saturday. All the other ones’ from earlier in the cycle were internet cheap-os and all were negative except for the one with the faint positive line.

This morning I peed on the last internet cheap-o HPT just to see what would happen now that I knew I had an HCG over 100…BARELY FREAKING POSITIVE AGAIN! It took 15 minutes to see the second line start to form. What gives? These are supposed to be sensitive to 20 HCG so how come it took WELL over the time limit to get a positive this morning?

Well I have learned one thing; early-pregnancy-tests.com is only for the fertile. They need to have a warning sign:

WARNING: Infertile women stay away! Our tests do not work correctly for you and will severely toy with your emotions. We will give you false positives which will impact your concept of self worth and only lead to more infertile feelings.

I promise from here on out I will shell out the big bucks and only pee on FRER. Of course I’ve been burned this cycle so I’m just going to stick with blood tests until we know more. As far as what I’m feeling…numb. Numb would be the word of choice. I’ve already cried and mourned our cycle so I have no more tears to shed. I can’t feel happy because there could be no baby in there and I can’t feel sad because there could be a baby in there. So I’m in some sort of weird limbo that is void of emotion.