Saturday, November 21, 2009

Vicoden and I, we is not friends

So Friday night was m-day, or our medicated miscarriage day. As the week ticked down I began to get more emotional about it. I started to become symptomatic again. I could feel the twinges in my uterus as the little empty sac continued to grow in the presence of the ever increasing HCG. What can I say, I make a good placenta. Now all we need is to put a baby in there. I never second guessed our decision even though I prayed every day that if there really was a baby in there that God would lay it on our hearts to not go through with it. Instead the only thing that brought me to tears was my fear that this could be the most pregnant I would ever be, ever, and it would end on Friday. And that thought alone made me want to hold off a bit longer. But I knew holding off would only put off the inevitable and I knew in my heart that there was no baby. On Friday I talked with my RN (who was out sick the day of my last u/s) and she gave me more details on what to expect and the up coming weeks of blood draws to make sure the HCG continued to go down. She recommended that I not take it over night as she worried I would not sleep well. I decided to go to my yoga class at lunch thinking that would be a good thing to do to keep me relaxed considering the night ahead. Except that during some of our moves I had to lay on my stomach, which made my boobies hurt, which made me think about every thing and I found myself crying big aligator tears while in child's pose.

Hammer and I decided to split the difference so I started the cytotec at 6:30pm last night. I shoved 3 little white pills up my who-ha and downed a vicoden. I was prescribed 1-2 vicoden every 4-6 hours but thought I'd start with one since I'm really sensitive to drugs. I knew that it would take about 2 hours before the cramping would begin so I thought I'd get on top of my pain by taking the vicoden early. I just did not anticipate how painful it would be. At about 8:30-9:00 pm I lay there with Hammer on the couch trying to watch a movie to take my mind off of the pain. By about 9:30-10:00 I was death gripping the couch, tears streaming down my face. My RN was right, I would not have been able to sleep through this. I took a second vicoden around 9:30 pm as the one was just not doing anything. Around 10:30-11:00pm I figured the first one was out of my system and I would be safe to take a third since the pain continued to increase. Oh what a mistake. Somehow I had managed to fall asleep on the couch while Hammer played video games. As the night wore on I continued to sleep on the couch and Hammer did not want to wake me so he fell asleep on the other loveseat so I would not be alone and thank God he did. I had apparently become dehydrated which intensified the dizziness effect of the vicoden. So when I tried to get up to use the restroom around 2:00 am I started to black out, could not stand up on my own and was dry heaving. I have never felt so awful and helpless in my life. Hammer had immediately woke up to help me. I barely made it into the bathroom and Hammer had to even support me so that I would not fall of the toilet seat. This was not my finest hour. I actually almost told Hammer to call an ambulance because it was so intense. Finally I seemed get my bearings and he helped me into bed, put a damp cloth on my head, a heating pad on my tummy and held my hand until I fell asleep.

By morning I felt much better and the heating pad has been wonderful. I've been using it all day, drinking plenty of fluids and have only needed one vicoden at a time to keep the cramping in control. My RE had said that if I didn't pass a lot of tissue to take the other three Cytotec. Since was not sure if I had I ended up taking the last three around 4:30 pm today but did not have a repeat of last night's cramping. So I assume that everything that needed to pass has done so. Now we will just be doing blood draws every week until my levels are down below 5. From there I should have my period and my body should finally reset its self. Sadly this could be a month long ordeal of just getting my HCG down but it's not like we're going to jump into another round of fertility treatments anytime soon. The Hammers need a bit of a break. Actually Mrs. Hammer's ute needs a break.

Yet I know in my heart that God has not abandoned us even though we have had to go through this trial. The peace that I had on Monday remains and I know that this is not the end of the road for us.

17 comments:

JB said...

That sounds rough....sorry it has been so hard, but glad that you are one step closer to moving on to the next hopeful steps....

Nicole said...

I'm so glad you are able to retain that peace and hope. This has been an awful ordeal for you, as I can only imagine. I knew my m/c was coming as well but didn't have to induce it--it happened by itself. I can't imagine how difficult this was for you (and hubs), Mrs H
So sorry it was so painful. And I'm glad you were able to make it through the worst of it so far, and hopefully things will only go up from here. Thank goodness for our amazing DHs throughout all of this- I'm glad yours was so helpful. Take a nice break and reset yourselves emotionally too :) I hope you get feeling better asap!

Mandy said...

This must have been so hard for both of you. So wonderful though that you had the support of your amazing husband!

osuraj said...

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. It's so unfair. I'm keeping you and your husband in my prayers.

Dave and Elaine said...

You poor thing are the only words that come to mind. I am just so sorry you had to go through that BUT I am so happy that the peace remains and your eyes are on the Lord during this trial because He WILL bring you through it. Praying for you.

eyeheartinternet said...

Oh honey, I'm so so sorry you have to go through this. It sounds horrible, and I cannot believe how much grace you speak about it with. I'm really thinking about you... keeping you in my prayers. Huge hugs from France.

Brittney said...

I'm so sorry you and Mr. Hammer had to go through all of this, and I'm sorry for your loss. This sounded very painful, physically and emotionally. I admire the strength you have had.

If only a small comfort though I'm glad God has given you a peace in what you're going through. I know He has a wonderful purpose for you both; never lose hope in Him or sight of this truth. You are going to be an AMAZING mother.

Praying for you and thinking of you in this time and always.

Hillary said...

What a difficult 24 hours - I am so sorry and continue to lift you up in my prayers! Thinking of you.

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Waiting said...

That sounds so awful! I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. You are in my prayers, and I know God will bless you with a baby one day.

Astrid said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this, and must continue to endure it. I do appreciate your sharing your experience. After my m/c and D&C I swore that if I ever had to induce a m/c again I would do it medically, the way you did. I still think I would feel better (afterwards) that the decision would mean less chance of scarring of my ute and less chance of damaging my cervix. So I think you made the right decision. I wish you the best with your betas and your break.

Tabitha said...

Your so right, it's NOT the end of the road! God will bless you sooo much, you are such a strong woman! I'll be praying for you.

Jesse and Mandy Peterson said...

I hate that you are going through this, but I'm glad your heart is at peace. Someday, you'll be able to look back and see the big picture of it all.

Shannon said...

Im so sorry you are going through this, all of this. But Im glad you still have hope and faith- they can shed light on you in your darkest hour. Always thinking of you.

Kerry said...

I'm sorry your going through a rough time but i pray to God you will one day have good luck :) xx

Once Upon A Time said...

I am glad the worst is over for you. Hang in there.

cady said...

I am so sorry that you had to go through this, but the peace and hope you have is inspiring. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Hoping for our own Peanut said...

Ive missed so much while Ive been "away" but please know I have been thinking of you. Im sorry you are still weathering the IF storm. I want nothing more than for you to get on the other side of this battle. Itll happen, Mrs. Hammer. Keep your faith, as you always do.