Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Call Me Mara...

Well I decided to not let the box of Clearblue Easy's leave our house unopened and used it today to test; three days before Aunt Flow is to show (on Thanksgiving of all days). I peed on them, just to spite them; if you can spite inanimate objects. Either way it felt good to get some sort of payback. Of course they were negative; they are always negative.

What I don't understand is that I consistently have cramping between 6-9 dpo. Most people would call that "implantation" and I was told that it was probably due to my endometriosis. Regardless I would like to have a blood clotting test done. There are suspicions that my mom might have a blood clotting disorder based upon her medical history. But because they didn't really do this sort of testing back in the late 70's early 80's when she had my brother and I, we don't know. We do know she miscarried a baby (between my brother and I) when she was in her second trimester. Her doctor said that if she wanted a third child then he would order the test but my parents decided two was enough.

Typically they only order this test if you miscarry more than two times. But I was curious if anyone ended up having a blood clotting disorder that also had never successfully conceived until it was discovered and treated. Maybe I'm going down the wrong alley but my other thought was that I don't want to drop $$$ on IVF only to have it fail, then get tested and discover it could have been prevented. If anyone reading this has any input I'd appreciate it.

On the flip side, I titled this post "Call Me Mara" because of a verse that popped into my head this morning while reading the very prominent "not pregnant" on the test. If you have ever read the book of Ruth you will know that Ruth's mother-in-law's name is Naomi, which means "my delight." When Naomi suffers great loss she changes her name to Mara, which means "bitterness." This was because she felt God had dealt bitterly with her by bringing her such sadness. This is how I felt this morning. But then I read a post by Think(+)Positive which helped to put my sadness into perspective. If you need some hope and have a chance to read it I'd recommend popping over to her blog.

She said to them, "Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. "I went out full, but the LORD has brought me back empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the LORD has witnessed against me and the Almighty has afflicted me?"
Ruth 1:20-21

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