Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
The last few days were filled with calling our family and close friends who knew about our IVF cycle to let them know and ask for prayer. I started to feel increasingly queasy and my boobies grew sorer. Those numbers just had to be doubling.
This morning I took another HPT, praying that the line would be darker. Sadly it was lighter. I crawled back into bed and told Hammer. I knew what lay ahead. I prayed knowing that this was out of my hands and in much more capable hands than my own. No matter what I trust my God.
My RN called this morning and said that my beta had only gone up to 30 in 48hrs which was not a good sign. They will have me do another beta on Monday, since it did go up, unless I start my period over the weekend. I called Hammer to let him know and then my mom. I'm blessed to have a very supportive manager who cried and hugged me when I told her the news. It has made it more bearable to still be at work today.
One thing I haven't mentioned is that the right side of my abdomen has been a bit tender and irritated. It leave me with a bad feeling that he might have been in the wrong place. If he was, it's a blessing that this may be resolving on its own. I also thought it may be just my stimmed ovaries getting all worked up and it may be that as well.
I appreciate all the prayers and comments that you have left for me. They have continued to be an encouragement knowing that so many people were praying for us. You are all amazingly wonderful women.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
This morning I woke up at 4 am feeling rested - 1 check for no longer prego and then poked my boobies, ouch - 1 check for prego. I decided to POAS to see if maybe just maybe I could see a line and YES, it was there! It came up very obvious - 1 BIG check for prego. I showed Hammer when he got up (actually I woke him up at 5am I couldn't wait any longer). Now I just have to make it a few more hours. At work I'm yawning alot but not overly tired - 1 check for no longer prego. Then I suddenly feel like I'm going to be sick - 1 check for prego. I'm starting to drive myself crazy. I saw a very nice positive HPT this morning, this is ridiculous. Time to pray again.
I will get my blood drawn this afternoon at 4pm - same time as my 1st beta. That way my body will have all the time it need to get those numbers up there and do some doubling.
At least tonight will be a distraction as it's trick or treating in our neighborhood. We have my brother and some friends coming over. Oh please, please, please Lord, if it's your will, let it double!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
What I didn't plan for was a persistent RN who not only called my cell phone first to leave a message but then proceeded to call my work phone. Without thinking I picked up the phone only to have my stomach drop into my shoes when I heard her voice on the other end. NOooooo, what am I going to do! Not here, not now. But I couldn't stop her from talking and telling me the results.
And I have to tell you I really heard nothing past, "...and I'm happy to tell you you're pregnant..blah, blah blah,
your beta was low though, only 24...blah, blah, blah,
...although I've had plenty of women have low betas and go on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies.
I'm pregnant! I'm Pregnant! I'M PREGNANT! (I cannot believe I'm typing this...holy pete!)
But we are not out of the woods yet. Its definitely a case of late implantation. Tomorrow I go for beta #2 and hopefully it's doubled. There is a risk of an ectopic pregnancy with low number just because the embie could have implanted late because it floated around and found it's way up into one of my tubes. She also said it could be 'on it's way down' but seeing that I've been testing every day except for beta day and never saw a line show up (and my sticks are sensitive starting at 20). So if you could all say a prayer for this little Hammer baby, that he's in the right place and growing strong I would be soooo, sooooo grateful. You have already been so supportive, I cannot thank you all enough for your encouragement!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
That’s when my weird dream occurred. I normally don’t dream or if I do I normally don’t remember them. In my dream I was lying on the couch with a bunch of people. Who.opie Go.ldburg was there, because, why not. With the way we were all laying Who.opie had her arm over top of my stomach. She turned to me and said, “So how far along are you?” I looked at her and said, “What? I’m not pregnant.” And she replied, “You could have fooled me with all that kicking going on in there.”
And then I woke up.
Now it could have been due to the fact that my progesterone, as of Tuesday, was 129 and probably climbing with each additional day of PIO. It also could be that (TMI warning) I’m so constipated I look 3-4 mo pregnant already. I’m convinced everyone at my office will think that I am because it’s so very, very bad. Even with Kah.si Go Lea.n (which I call Kah.si Go NOW!), extra beans in my burrito last night, and so much water I feel like I am floating, nothing is helping the bloat. So either Who.opie is right or she was just referring to my poop baby.
Today I’m 7dp3dt and this morning my early HPT was still negative.
Me – 1
Who.opie - 0
***On a serious note:
Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement. They have been so great to read. I have moments of peace and moments where I feel overwhelmed by feelings from our past cycle. It’s been great to have your comments to go back and read for encouragement. Yesterday was difficult because we learned our 2 6 cell –grade 2 embies were never able to become blastocycts and therefore discarded. Since Hammer and I have never had the chance to do a 5dt or have any of our embies make it to freeze we have been wondering if any of our little ones have the genetic potential to make it to implantation. It would help explain why last cycle our 8 cell grade 1 and 6 cell grade 2 didn’t implant or possibly why our 2-8 cells embies may not been sticking this time around. While this cycle is still not over yet it does leave us thinking that if we do a third IVF cycle we may look into CCRM where they do a bunch of genetic screening not only of Hammer and I but they can also screen our embies. This is certainly something that we will have to pray about but right now we are still just praying for this cycle. I know it’s still early. At least with this cycle I don’t have that feeling like they are no longer there as I did the time before but it certainly doesn’t make it any easier. Tuesday still feels a lifetime away.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Yesterday I looked back on my ‘symptoms’ from last cycle to see if there were any similarities. (Yes I know a lot is the trigger and progesterone) In cycle one I had cramping on days 3-5dp3dt which went away after that. I’m not sure I could blame that on progesterone since it went away and let’s not forget that cycle one failed. I’ve had the cramping again with this cycle and it started at the same time (3dp3dt) and is continuing today. It’s hard not to read into anything. Just like last time the cramping was so bad last night I felt nauseous. It’s hard to know what is going on and since I’ve never been pregnant I don’t really know what to expect either.
My other symptoms have started to go away likely because of the decreasing trigger shot. I’m trying not to freak myself out and think I’m repeating last cycle all over again. It’s too early just yet. But how do I turn off my brain for the next 6 days?
I went online and consulted Dr. Google. He doesn’t help much and may only be making it worse. That and it’s a total distraction at work. Most women who had cramping ended up with a BFP but that was not the case last time for me and I worry maybe it’s my body rejecting my embies. What if my womb is just inhospitable? Ahhh, I wish I was at home right now so I could pull out my bible, curl up under a blanket and just seek out comfort in the Lord until next Tuesday.
Anyone else have a 3dt and has any insight? Or just any insight to put my poor brain to rest?
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Once Upon a Time was thoughtful enough to give me the Kreativ Blogger Award. Thanks sweetie! And take good care of those two precious little beans :) I'm so excited for you to find out the genders!
Here are the rules:
1-Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2-Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3-Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4-Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.
5-Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6-Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7-Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they’ve been nominated.
Alright, seven things you might not know about me.
1. Daises are my favorite flower
2. I have recently learned how to care for house plants, that or Hammer secretly waters them for me when I forget so I only THINK I'm no longer killing them. This is highly possible.
3. My favorite accessory to wear is a cardigan. I'm never without one. Ever.
4. I drive a stick shift and love it. I've been driving a stick since I bought my first car. Actually when I bought my first car I had no idea how to drive it but when I heard they were cheaper I figured I'd learn. After a rough four days I finally figured it out and have been hooked ever since.
5. I could eat pizza for every meal. I don't but I could. It has my two favorite foods: bread and cheese, mmmmmm.
6. Last year I started using cloth grocery bags which are great. I walk away with only 3-4 cloth bags instead of 15 plastic ones. They stay upright in my car and I can load and unload our groceries faster than before. Why didn't I do this sooner? My next purchase will be reusable produce bags.
7. We recently started composting this fall and are looking forward to next spring when we can use it in our garden and flower beds.
And the nominees are:
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Waiting has recently started out on her IF journey but with great faith that God is with her through this process. And He IS! Please pray for her as she starts the road toward a possible PCOS diagnosis. I have confidence that God will make her a mommy some day!
The rules for this award are simple. I LOVE YOU = 8 letters which gives you 8 rules:)
1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award and write a little bit about why you love them.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4. Nominate no more than 17 people who you love or you think could use some love.
5. Write one word (you can only use a word once) about what you love about their blog.
6. You cannot nominate someone who has already been nominated - the love has to spread to all.
7. Post links to the 17 blogs you nominate.
8. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they’ve been nominated.
http://mattandbaileyking.blogspot.com/ - steadfast
http://babymakingoneohone.blogspot.com/ - resilient
http://makingmemom.blogspot.com/ - inspirational
http://unconventionaljourney.blogspot.com/ - encouraging
http://worshipandwait.blogspot.com/ - joyful
http://tslajeunesse.blogspot.com/ - hopeful
http://osuraj.blogspot.com/ - supportive
http://baby-blessings.blogspot.com/ - comforting
More awards to come!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Finally we were called back and were happy to see our RE was doing this procedure as well (I've had him for the whole cycle which has been great!) He gave us our embie report and it was wonderful. For our day 3 transfer we have (expect 6-8 cells, grade 1 [best]- grade 5):
1 - 8 cell, grade 1
1 - 8 cell, grade 2
2 - 6 cell, grade 2
1 - 5 cell, grade 2
Our other two were still at 2 cell and 4 cell so basically they arrested. We decided to transfer the two 8 celled embies and see if the other three would make it to freeze. They felt good about the two 6 cells and will watch the 5 cell to see if it was just off by a few hours on dividing.
They took us back into our room, I requested one with an attached bathroom, with promises that I would stay away from the porcelain throne for a few more minutes. As we prepped for the transfer, Hammer kept making me laugh and I warned him that if he kept it up we might offend our RE with a little shower (if you know what I mean). That set everyone in the room laughing which didn't help my situation at all. Neither did the cold ultrasound gel on my abdomen. Thankfully my bladder was more than full so we could start the procedure right away. They actually have both of the REs on IVF procedure rotation do the transfer (one to transfer and one to hold the ultrasound wand) why I don't know but we got a neat play by play from the other RE who showed us everything that was going on. When it was over he and our RE went on and on about how it went perfectly and we could not have been more happy.
I was then instructed to lay for 15 minutes before getting up to relieve my bladder. Our IVF nurse coordinator stopped in to see how we were doing. She also told me that my last TSH, after a month of synthroid and an E2 over 1,500+, was 1.8. We were so happy to hear that it was below 2.5 which should also help with implantation. Once we were alone we prayed over my belly and our two little embies safe inside. After our time we headed out to the acupuncturist to cover our little seeds for, hopefully, their long stay.
Hammer now has me in bed rest jail. He is so fussy if I get up to pee too frequently but it's cute and I know that it's because he is concerned. Tomorrow my family is coming over to bring me a birthday dinner since I'll still be on bed rest. I'm going to take advantage of Sunday as well to rest and let those little guys snuggle in.
(I'm going to post some awards next now that we are in the 2ww!)
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Afterward it was time for dinner and I had requested to go to a Jap.anese Stea.k House. I love them and hadn't been in a long time. On our way over I remembered that we needed to buy a pineapple as the core has bromelain in it which is good for implantation. I've read that if you eat it during the first few days of the transfer it can be helpful. We have such weird conversations with our spouses thanks to infertility, don't we. Anyway back to dinner. We have several stea.k houses in our area to choose from but I thought it would be fun to go to a new one. When we got there and were looking over the menu we noticed that several tables were celebrating birthdays. They would come out with a drum and dessert that had a sparkler in it. Hammer made sure that our waitress knew it was my birthday. At the end of a delicious dinner I heard drumming coming out of the kitchen and knew it was for me. As they approached the table I realized that the dessert was actually a quarter of a fresh pineapple! We had to laugh but no one else at our table knew what was so funny.
Of course doing a 3 day transfer instead of a 5 day transfer puts me into a state of panic that almost all of them arrested overnight and were back down to just a few. Then I go into flash backs of our last cycle which was a big FAIL. I have nothing to base this on though. And there is nothing I can do about any of it either. Which is why type A me went into panic mode.
To top things off my acupuncturist is out of town so I had to call around to a couple of places to see if someone could get me in at last notice. Nobody was calling me back = more panic. But finally I got someone who was willing. I will have a treatment today and then post transfer tomorrow because that was the best she could do. I’ll take it.
God bless my mom who, when I called her with the news (after I called Hammer of course), started singing Blessed Assurance to me over the phone. I needed someone to talk me back down into reality. Now if I could put her in a little box on my desk at work to keep me focused on the fact that God is in control then I would be set.
As is my typical style I panic way too early than is necessary. Maybe that is why God keeps teaching me lessons on trust. Right after I posted I got a call from the lab. Their grading scale is the following:
Day 2 should show 2-4 calls and they grade on a scale of 1-5 with 1 being the best.
1 – 4 cell grade 2
1 – 3 cell grade 2
3 – 2 cell grade 2
1 – 2 cell grade 4
1 – 4 cell grade 4
So basically 5 of the 7 are looking good. They will keep an eye on the last two that are grade 4 but they are not “looking good” right now per their words. I’m just so glad to hear that they are all growing well. I hope that at least one of them wants to stick around for a while.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
I wish I could say I was doing as well. I’m still very sore from yesterday and I am continuing to bleed. I was reading Dr. Google that it may take 24-48 hrs to stop but that it should continually get better over that time period. I went back to work but ended up leaving early this morning as I’m just not feeling right yet. Last time the bleeding stopped the same day of the retrieval and I was back to work as if nothing had happened the next day. Not so much this time.
Oh well, now I can rest up. Call for my transfer acupuncture appointment and pray like crazy for my little embies to keep growing!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
My RE was on weekend call which I was happy about because that means he's been following all of my follie checks and giving his order preferences for my cycle. This time I have six leading follicles which will be ready for retrieval on Tuesday. SOOooooo much better than the four I had on day 11 last time (2 of which were an absolute miracle). Here are the stats on my lead follies:
R: 19, 16, 16, 16, (and a few smaller ones)
L: 17, 16, 12 (and one smaller one)
I asked about my TSH and my RE decided to just have them tag that on to my E2 blood work I did this morning. So today and tomorrow morning I will continue my meds as usual. I will trigger on Sunday at 10pm, try to make Monday go by fast, and then go in on Tuesday morning for our retrieval. I want this weekend to hurry by because I'm really starting to feel uncomfortable now and have finally broken out the stretchy pants. Plus I don't think I'll really feel better until I get these eggies out of me and we know what we are dealing with as far as numbers and embies.
On another note, our internet is fixed and I've enjoyed catching up on your blogs. I'm not sure what is wrong with blogger but it hasn't been letting me comment on any blogs today. And I've had trouble with that on a few other of the blogs I follow earlier this week. So don't feel unloved out there!
Friday, October 9, 2009
R: 16.5, 16, 15, 14
L: 15, 14, 12, 10
Lining at 10mm
I am going to go in for one more follie u/s on Saturday and will most likely have my retrieval on Tuesday of next week.
It was absolute drama getting in to my appointment today though. IF I thought Thursday’s long wait for the lab was bad today was MUCH worse. I even went in 10 minutes earlier than my appointment was scheduled for and still had to wait 40 minutes total to get gat back there and get my blood drawn. They were calling patients out of order, taking their sweet ole time with everything. It was like they were in slow motion never mind the fact that their waiting room was at standing room only. I was 20 minutes late for my u/s at my RE’s office next to the lab. This lab is a separate company that my clinic contracts with so they have no control over these issues. What really got me riled up was that the lab lady called two of us back. I had all my stuff ready but the other lady was missing some paper work. The lab tech began to work on getting her paper work and left me sitting there in the blood draw chair while she did this. Now I ordinarily don’t speak up about these things but I also don’t ordinarily have such elevated levels of estrogen coursing through my veins. I ask if she wouldn’t mind just doing me first since I didn’t think I should be made to wait while she got someone else’s paper work in order. I was told that my RE expected a delay and she would get to me when she was ready. Interestingly is that after my u/s the IVF nurse met with me and immediately asked what all had happened at the lab. So I filled her in on all the details which she was shocked about how the RE’s patients were not being treated per their contract to keep the appointments moving. Apparently they don’t expect delays as the lab alluded to earlier.
So this weekend will be filled with follie check #3 (and blood work, yuch), college football, dinner with friends on Sunday, Monday off for a holiday, Monday evening girls night out at a spa, and Tuesday off for retrieval. I’m excited that I get to do dinner and the mini spa day since our retrieval is now Tuesday. I was playing a lot by ear until I had some definitive dates. The spa evening is for breast cancer awareness and a local spa is doing mini manicures for $10 and all proceeds go to breast cancer research. That I get to pamper myself a bit which is fun!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Hammer was waiting at the RE’s office for me when I got there. Ironically, the RE’s office was 15 minutes behind probably because of the lab. Oh well. My RE was actually the one to do the follie check this time. Before we got started we did a little chant of, “Let’s be average!” Cheesy, I know but in some ways it’s kinda fun. And yes, our RE did the chant with us. He started out on the right ovary where I had several little follicles starting to grow…in fact I had five (one more than last time).
12mm, 10mm x2, 9m, and 8mm
They were bigger than last time as well. Then he swiveled over to Lefty. I saw two big follicles and my heart fell a little, it was the same as last time…but wait, what was that? Did I see another two follicles? Sure enough Lefty had FOUR.
12mm, 11.5mm, 9mm, and 8mm
That makes 9 follicles (three more than last time) that will hopefully continue to grow and mature in the next few days. My lining was at 7mm and my E2 was 195 so I got the glorious designation of average by my RE. Instead of going for another 5 days on the stims (like I did last time) before a second u/s check I get to wait only 2 days. Wow, I almost feel normal.
I did ask for another TSH test but since I’m moving along faster than anticipated, for me, it won’t really be beneficial yet so they are going to have me go on another day. My concern with that is TSH increases with rising estrogen, which is going to skyrocket as my follicles keep growing. And I want to make sure that we do absolutely everything we can this time as it may be our final IVF cycle. (I know we’ve only done two but it’s pricey and the next time I plop down a chunk of change I want a guaranteed baby i.e. adoption)
I might have trouble updating or keeping up with blogs because Hammer accidentally cut our internet cable last Sunday while working out in the yard. In his defense they only buried the cable 2 inches underground and in a flower bed. So don’t feel ignored!
Friday, October 2, 2009
I’ve been loving my acupuncture and find that I sleep well afterwards for about two days post treatment and then begin suffering the effects of low-to-no estrogen. Thank goodness I have a treatment tonight! Maybe there is something she can do to boost my left ovary into compliance. I am sooo thankful that I am doing acupuncture because it’s supposed to help people with poor response to the stims. Hammer was bucking it due to the expense but after I told him about lefty he’s changed his mind completely.
I also just found out from my clinic that I can take my Bravelle and Luvaris in the same syringe. What a relief because that takes me down from four shots a day to three. My tummy pooch is very happy about this!
And on a final good note, my huge project I’ve been working on at work launched yesterday. It had its issues but I knew that there would be problems. Those problems were out of my control and in the hands of our IT guys who slacked on their responsibility. But life has a way of reaping what you sow and they are taking the heat. I think it will be much better for our cycle now that this hurdle is over with, that and it wasn’t helping with my lack of sleep issue. I slept like a baby last night.