Friday, July 17, 2009

Why 3dt's Stink

1. You essentially have a whole 2ww less 3 days. But it's still a 2ww. And it's long. And you have too much time on your hands to over analyze everything before getting confirmation. At least with a 5dt you only have 9 days to wait to learn if it worked or less even with all the early tests out there. And your little embies are already ready to implant the day after transfer. I have 11 days. 11 days! (What's that you are saying? Mrs. Hammer it's just two days less than everyone else? I know that but it's two digits instead of one and that makes it harder.)*

2. Embies at three days still have a long way to go before implantation. And my embies had to keep going for two more days before even reaching blastocyst stage which is where they are at for a 5dt. So much can go wrong. And you can read on the internet all about that. I know. I have. It's not good for me. Did you know that the majority of fertilized eggs stop dividing at morula stage on day 4. I do now and it's not helping.

3. People IRL who know you did IVF keep asking if I "feel pregnant" only two days after transfer. Well let's see, we can do the math: at 2 days post 3 day transfer it would only be a day 5 blastocyt and not even implanting yet - so no, I don't know yet. Would you ask your other friends who baby danced 5 days ago if they "feel pregnant?" No. It's the same thing. People who have no clue about IVF assume that once they stick the embryo in there *BAM* you're pregnant. They don't understand that once the doctors transfer those embies they have NO CONTROL over what happens next. And a LOT has to happen for it to work. That's why success rates are only 50%.

4. You do not know what is going on in there during critical stages so therefore if you have to do another round of IVF there is no way of knowing if you need assisted hatching next time or other embryonic procedures.

5. It means that you probably did not have enough embryos to freeze for a FET. Which means you have to go through the whole IVF process again if this cycle does not work. I was actually prepared for this one though because I was really worried none of the eggs would even fertilize. It still doesn't make it any easier.

6. Because you wait about the same amount of time it feels freakishly similar to every other non IVF cycle therefore making you remember all the past failed cycles. And after 3 years there are a LOT of failed cycles to recall.

*As you can see I have WAY to much time to think, rethink, analyze, and over analyze things, evidence, this post!

I'm now at 5dp3dt and I have had some cramping on days 3-5 (today) but some of my other symptoms have gone away i.e. sore bbs and indigestion. I've started to get fatigue but that can all be PIO as well or just the fact that it's been a long week. I hate to say it but I have a bad feeling they are gone. I don't think I'm going to POAS but instead wait for the beta. That way I just get a phone call rather than stare at one lonely little line, again. I don't mean to be Debb.ie Do.wner but it's just this 'feeling' inside that I'm 'empty.' I have not heard back about our last embie yet and maybe it will hold some answers for us if it ended up arresting. I did have my progesterone blood draw yesterday but it will take 24-72 hours before I get the results.

10 comments:

osuraj said...

I agree about 3dt. It seems like 5dt are way more advantageous. Keep holding onto hope, you're not finished yet!

Jesse and Mandy Peterson said...

I'm the type of person who likes to be very well informed on every bit of info that I can get my hands on. I think my OB/GYN thinks I'm a moron because of it. She doesn't take my research seriously. I've studied it, though, and I can tell you that she's been wrong a couple of times. I say that, though, because I am also the type of person who completely over-analyzes EVERYTHING. For goodness sake, I graduated with a degree in psychology! You HAVE to overanalyze everything. It's in your blood. This has caused a lot of stress in my life at times, though. Jesse looks at me weird when I ask him to do something and now my mind goes a million different directions, considering every possible reason why my question caused that reason. Little did I know, he just had an itch that distracted him in the middle of my question.

I think that TTC brings out these chaotic thoughts probably more than anything else. I don't know why God made pregnancy symptoms and PMS symptoms so similar. They should be polar opposites! I wish you didn't have to wait so long to find out if it worked or not. I wish other people didn't get pregnant so easily, making it MORE difficult for those of us who have to try harder. I wish that infertility and its treatments were better understood by the population. Actually, I wish they didn't HAVE to exist because it breaks my heart to see people go through it time and time again.

Nothing about this process is easy. It does stink! But when it finally works (still hoping for this time, but "WHEN" nonetheless), everything you read won't matter anymore. You'll be experiencing God's answer to your prayers in the moment. Walking in it. Living in it. Celebrating it.

I can't guarantee you that you will ever get pregnant, or more specifically when. I can't guarantee that you won't go through adoption or some other means to finally be a parent. I can't tell you what God has in store. But I do believe that when you hear God whisper into your heart and speak to you about being a parent, and you know that you've surrendered your desires to Him and yet they remain just as strongly, then you are only left with the choice to believe that He will eventually fulfill those desires. And, that's what I'm waiting for for you.

Hillary said...

Yes, I can see why a 3dt is that much more difficult. ((hugs)) and I wish I could make the time fly by for you!! Praying for you, friend!

Astrid said...

Poor thing, all this anxiety is the worst. Try to think about other things! And one thing I read as a comment on someone else's blog has helped me a lot, even though it's kind of obvious and cliche: understand that you do not have control. Period. It sounds like a threat but when you think about it, it actually brings with it a peace of mind. A little freedom from worry because you realize it won't do any good (and could do plenty of bad in this fragile process).

sassy said...

Oh honey I know, it's so hard waiting!! I can't help any but I am in your corner, rooting for you. I hope this goes by quickly...

Katie said...

I am sorry you are so down- it comes in waves, I think. I've had those moments too. But, if it makes you feel better, I had a 5dt and I have to wait 10dpt so it's only 1 more day than me.

Shannon said...

I have tons of hope and faith for you, so dont give up yet girl!

Ya know, sometimes I think that we start to doubt or have negative feelings about something as a defense mechanism, so we can kinda prepare ourselves for what we think is invevitable bad news.

I pray that this works for you and that we are celebrating a pregnancy with you soon!

NeNe said...

Oh yes, the 2ww is hellish, always. I am also an internet junkie and have discivered every possible reason why someone will not get pregnant or lose/miscarry a baby before term. It is ridiculous and causes unnecessary worry.

The thing I have to remember is to TRUST GOD. He knows what is going on in there and he has a hand in all of it. If there is a baby being conceived it is because he is knitting it together in your womb. What an amazing thing to remember and hold tight to.

God knows your baby and will bring it at the perfect time. I hope this is it! Just remember to trust :)

Meant to be a mom said...

The wait is the very worse of all of this. I hope the time starts to pass quickly. I know there is absolutely no way for you to tell. Truly there isn't. The symptoms could be implantation or pregnancy symptoms or just symptoms due to all the ivf meds. Don't focus or worry about those things. Keep busy and soon you will know. PRAYERS!!!!!

kdactyl said...

I felt the exact same way when I had my 3dt 2 years ago. I just KNEW it didn't work be cause the boob tenderness was not what I had previously felt...I was 40, my eggs were old, we had 2 miscarriages and 5 failed fertilty experiences behind us....it just didn't seem like it would EVER happen. And then...the spotting...OMG...I KNEW it was over by then....but guess what? I still POAS at only about 8 days past 3 day transfer and got a slight pos. So I POAS every 12 hours for 2 days until my beta and they just kept getting darker...Well...beta says preg...2nd beta more than doubles....and the spotting continues....so my advise to you is this....don't let disapointment creep up on you...don't think that if you don't have positive feelings now it will hurt less if this doesn't work. It always hurts the same no matter how much you try to protect yourself...so for now...cradle those embies in your womb and in your heart and only think wonderful thoughts about how they are implanting and growing and preparing to be the child/children you so deserve. Deal with beta day on beta day....Your time will come, I'm sure of it.

Oh...and all the "do you feel pregnant questions?"....the darn progesterone shots make anyone feel different...so who knows what a natural pregnancy would feel like anyway? Tell them you feel hopefull and you would appreciate if they did the same...that is all we can do....everything else is in God's hands right now. Hang in there....stay strong.

kd