1. Lazy mornings spent catching up on blog reading
2. Smoothies for breakfast - I've been obsessed with making smoothies this week and I need to go out and get more supplies
3. Being able to serve Hammer today by making him a smoothie for breakfast, homemade beef hash and eggs for lunch, and packed him a dinner for tonight. (He is playing at church for two services and has to be there at 2:30 for rehearsal and won't be done till after 8 tonight.)
4. The warm spot in the house - its the heater that is right under our computer desk and it just blasts out heat while I sit here blogging. It's so awesome!!
5. Looking forward to another fun evening with friends tomorrow night (even thought I'm not an NFL fan - I prefer college football)
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Well it's about time...
Aunt Flow finally arrive in full force yesterday. I was actually happy to see her and even more happy that she does not appear to be staying long. I put a call into my RE's office. We'll need to make an appointment for our first IVF consult and start the pre-cycle testing. This will be a long process for us since I will have to work around my travel for my job.
I talked to my manager about our IVF plans since our IVF cycle may fall during my coworkers trip that I am supposed to go on as a helper. My manager said not to worry about it because she'll get a back up person in line for me. She is SUCH a blessing!
Hammer and I also decided that we'd take this month off and do nothing but relax and keep taking those vitamins! I'm going to cash in a gift certificate for a massage that I received for Christmas this year. Oh how I need that. So hopefully after our consult meeting we'll know more about where we are headed. I'm almost done reading IVF for Couples and while I skipped over the middle part (It was all about interviewing RE's etc.) I did enjoy the book immensely.
I've also been doing really well with figuring out this knitting thing. So I'm thinking I might get to knitting those booties faster than what I thought. We'll see.
I talked to my manager about our IVF plans since our IVF cycle may fall during my coworkers trip that I am supposed to go on as a helper. My manager said not to worry about it because she'll get a back up person in line for me. She is SUCH a blessing!
Hammer and I also decided that we'd take this month off and do nothing but relax and keep taking those vitamins! I'm going to cash in a gift certificate for a massage that I received for Christmas this year. Oh how I need that. So hopefully after our consult meeting we'll know more about where we are headed. I'm almost done reading IVF for Couples and while I skipped over the middle part (It was all about interviewing RE's etc.) I did enjoy the book immensely.
I've also been doing really well with figuring out this knitting thing. So I'm thinking I might get to knitting those booties faster than what I thought. We'll see.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Spreading Grace 030
1. A MUCH better workday
2. My relaxing Yoga class - it helped work the kinks out of my body from yesterday's stress
3. Learning that the studio that does my yoga class at work will be opening a brand new studio RIGHT BY MY HOUSE!!!! I can seriously ride my bike there, seriously.
4. Taking Moses to the dog park - it was FREEZING but he had fun since being cooped up with the weather. And I didn't risk falling on my butt from trying to walk him.
5. Dinner and movie with a friend I hadn't seen in a while - good times had by all
2. My relaxing Yoga class - it helped work the kinks out of my body from yesterday's stress
3. Learning that the studio that does my yoga class at work will be opening a brand new studio RIGHT BY MY HOUSE!!!! I can seriously ride my bike there, seriously.
4. Taking Moses to the dog park - it was FREEZING but he had fun since being cooped up with the weather. And I didn't risk falling on my butt from trying to walk him.
5. Dinner and movie with a friend I hadn't seen in a while - good times had by all
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Spreading Grace 029
Thursday was a bad workday so I'm really digging for things to be thankful for right now (but I know they are there). Everything is due all at once and since my coworker is on maternity leave I'm doing the work of three people now.
1. Knowing that Friday is around the corner
2. Being able to pick up the phone and call my mom to unload my crappy work day (Hammer was at work)
3. A quick but yummy dinner - cooking is relaxing for me and oh how I needed food therapy today
4. Flight of the Concords DVD - Forgetting my work stress by laughing at mindless stupid stuff
5. Reruns - because instead of being hooked on a new episode it pushed me to go to bed early and I felt MUCH better the next day.
1. Knowing that Friday is around the corner
2. Being able to pick up the phone and call my mom to unload my crappy work day (Hammer was at work)
3. A quick but yummy dinner - cooking is relaxing for me and oh how I needed food therapy today
4. Flight of the Concords DVD - Forgetting my work stress by laughing at mindless stupid stuff
5. Reruns - because instead of being hooked on a new episode it pushed me to go to bed early and I felt MUCH better the next day.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Spreading Grace 028
1. Making it into work alive and unscathed with the morning ice storm
2. Leaving really early for work so there were less cars on the road and I was still on time!
3. A quiet day where I could get things done
4. Making it back home alive and unscathed with the afternoon snow storm
5. Catching up on the Bache.lor at abc.co.m - he finally got rid of the crazies!
2. Leaving really early for work so there were less cars on the road and I was still on time!
3. A quiet day where I could get things done
4. Making it back home alive and unscathed with the afternoon snow storm
5. Catching up on the Bache.lor at abc.co.m - he finally got rid of the crazies!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Spreading Grace 027
1. Hot homemade soup on a cold day
2. A call from my Dad - it cheered me up a lot
3. God healing my relationship with my dad all those years ago so that we can have these talks
4. Hanging out in bed with Hammer and laughing at funny YouT.ube videos
5. Falling asleep while reading
2. A call from my Dad - it cheered me up a lot
3. God healing my relationship with my dad all those years ago so that we can have these talks
4. Hanging out in bed with Hammer and laughing at funny YouT.ube videos
5. Falling asleep while reading
Monday, January 26, 2009
Spreading Grace 026
1. Waking up refreshed and ready for Monday - this rarely happens for me
2. Fruit smoothies for breakfast
3. New phones at work - finally!!! I have a message waiting light, its pathetic but it makes me happy
4. Walking on my lunch break
5. Having dinner with friend tonight - long time, no see, lots to catch up on. Oh and good food!
2. Fruit smoothies for breakfast
3. New phones at work - finally!!! I have a message waiting light, its pathetic but it makes me happy
4. Walking on my lunch break
5. Having dinner with friend tonight - long time, no see, lots to catch up on. Oh and good food!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Spreading Grace 025
1. A fresh snow fall
2. Hot cocoa flavored with peppermint - yummy!
3. Feeling refreshed by the weekend
4. A clean kitchen
5. An afternoon nap - because I rarely ever get one
2. Hot cocoa flavored with peppermint - yummy!
3. Feeling refreshed by the weekend
4. A clean kitchen
5. An afternoon nap - because I rarely ever get one
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Bad news, Good news and Blessings
Bad News:
I woke up today with my temps starting to drop and cramping. Looks like Aunt Flow will be visiting and progesterone is still dumb. Bbs hurt even worse, hunger symptoms stopped yesterday, and I'm so bloated I look like I just ate a small village. IVF, here we come...
Good News:
I called my RE's office because I never heard back on my progesterone and found out it was 56. Yep, so now I've had a 75 and a 56. That means one of two things: I ovulated more than one egg causing two corpus lutems to bring my progesterone up, or I keep conceiving but not implanting. This would be confirmed by the cramping I got days 6-9. Will they do anything about this? No because I still don't have a positive pg test and they don't do an HCG blood draw without a call from me saying, "I got two lines," which I've never said before. Wait this is the "Good News" section? Stay positive. OK. No issues with progesterone = good news.
We can still rejoice in our victories this month: lefty works and Fertilaid makes a difference for Hammer. I'm going to order more after I post.
Also, I might be able to do another IUI this month because of how my cycle fell with my travel for work. I'll have to work these details out with the RE's office but I think I may have spoken too soon when I rejoiced over no more clomid.
The Blessings
I am actually not overly sad knowing that this cycle did not work, I know it's weird. Especially since I previously posted that I would likely be really crushed. When I told Hammer that Aunt Flow appeared to be on her way I had a moment. He looked at me and saw my face get all squishy because I was about to cry. He took my hand and said in a soft and calming voice, "Are you trying not to cry, don't cry, we'll be alright." And I knew in that second that it was alright, God was in control and we would be alright. I feel totally at peace and I recalled the verse:
Philippians 4:6 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
I know that God has heard our cries, our prayers and pleadings for a baby. Our requests have been made known to Him for the last 2 years and 8 months. That fact is comforting but what is even more comforting is that He has given me the peace that is guarding my heart and my mind from overwhelming sadness. As it is human to do so I had my moments this month where I thought, "It didn't work" and "I think it worked" but I would stop and tell myself to guard my heart and prayed for God to grant me His peace. And now I am wrapped up in that peace, thank you Jesus.
The other thing that He's put in my heart is that we are very close. Yes, "very close." I have prayed over what that could mean. I wanted to make sure that it wasn't my own humanness to be subliminally banking on IVF and I can tell you now that it's not. Of course God's definition of close can be very different than our own. Very close to me is like going on a long car drive and after asking, "Are we there yet?," a bunch of times you finally get the answer of, "very soon", instead of just, "soon." And then 20 minutes later you reach your destination. If we look at God's definition it could be "Sarah-close" or "Hannah-close"
"Sarah-close" was God telling Abraham who was 75 years of age at the time that He would make a great nation from Abraham's line. Then 15 years later God comes down and say to Abraham who is now 99 years old that his 90 year old wife, Sarah, would conceive but it took 16 years from the time of the prophecy and one surrogate son before Sarah gave birth to Issac.
"Hannah-close" was one of the rare cases when God closed a womb. Hannah was at the temple praying fervently with a passion that only us IFers understand and so passionately that the priest thought she was drunk. While we don't know exactly how long Hannah suffered with infertility we do know that on this day the priest said, "Go in peace; and may the God of Israel grant your petition that you have asked of Him." And then shortly after that it is written that after she laid with her husband, "...the LORD remembered her," she gave birth to Samuel and then she went on to bear several other children. One other thing that I find comforting about Hannah's story is that she also brought her petition to God just as Philippians tells us to do and her petition was heard!
In my human brain "Sarah-close" would equate to "soon" while "Hannah-close" would equate to "very soon." I don't know exactly which one I'm dealing with but I do know that in each instance when God gave insight into his plan they all came to fruition. So that will be the knowledge that I will cling to whether I am "Sarah-close" or "Hannah-close" because I am another month closer to the completion of God's plan.
On a side note, when I first started blogging I had posted about an insight I had into why Sarah laughed when God said she would bear a child at age 90. At this time in my TTC I had hit a low point and felt that I needed to keep the pre-prophecy name of Sarai instead of Sarah because I felt like God had not given me the word of His blessing for our family. Today, I called her Sarah.
I woke up today with my temps starting to drop and cramping. Looks like Aunt Flow will be visiting and progesterone is still dumb. Bbs hurt even worse, hunger symptoms stopped yesterday, and I'm so bloated I look like I just ate a small village. IVF, here we come...
Good News:
I called my RE's office because I never heard back on my progesterone and found out it was 56. Yep, so now I've had a 75 and a 56. That means one of two things: I ovulated more than one egg causing two corpus lutems to bring my progesterone up, or I keep conceiving but not implanting. This would be confirmed by the cramping I got days 6-9. Will they do anything about this? No because I still don't have a positive pg test and they don't do an HCG blood draw without a call from me saying, "I got two lines," which I've never said before. Wait this is the "Good News" section? Stay positive. OK. No issues with progesterone = good news.
We can still rejoice in our victories this month: lefty works and Fertilaid makes a difference for Hammer. I'm going to order more after I post.
Also, I might be able to do another IUI this month because of how my cycle fell with my travel for work. I'll have to work these details out with the RE's office but I think I may have spoken too soon when I rejoiced over no more clomid.
The Blessings
I am actually not overly sad knowing that this cycle did not work, I know it's weird. Especially since I previously posted that I would likely be really crushed. When I told Hammer that Aunt Flow appeared to be on her way I had a moment. He looked at me and saw my face get all squishy because I was about to cry. He took my hand and said in a soft and calming voice, "Are you trying not to cry, don't cry, we'll be alright." And I knew in that second that it was alright, God was in control and we would be alright. I feel totally at peace and I recalled the verse:
Philippians 4:6 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
I know that God has heard our cries, our prayers and pleadings for a baby. Our requests have been made known to Him for the last 2 years and 8 months. That fact is comforting but what is even more comforting is that He has given me the peace that is guarding my heart and my mind from overwhelming sadness. As it is human to do so I had my moments this month where I thought, "It didn't work" and "I think it worked" but I would stop and tell myself to guard my heart and prayed for God to grant me His peace. And now I am wrapped up in that peace, thank you Jesus.
The other thing that He's put in my heart is that we are very close. Yes, "very close." I have prayed over what that could mean. I wanted to make sure that it wasn't my own humanness to be subliminally banking on IVF and I can tell you now that it's not. Of course God's definition of close can be very different than our own. Very close to me is like going on a long car drive and after asking, "Are we there yet?," a bunch of times you finally get the answer of, "very soon", instead of just, "soon." And then 20 minutes later you reach your destination. If we look at God's definition it could be "Sarah-close" or "Hannah-close"
"Sarah-close" was God telling Abraham who was 75 years of age at the time that He would make a great nation from Abraham's line. Then 15 years later God comes down and say to Abraham who is now 99 years old that his 90 year old wife, Sarah, would conceive but it took 16 years from the time of the prophecy and one surrogate son before Sarah gave birth to Issac.
"Hannah-close" was one of the rare cases when God closed a womb. Hannah was at the temple praying fervently with a passion that only us IFers understand and so passionately that the priest thought she was drunk. While we don't know exactly how long Hannah suffered with infertility we do know that on this day the priest said, "Go in peace; and may the God of Israel grant your petition that you have asked of Him." And then shortly after that it is written that after she laid with her husband, "...the LORD remembered her," she gave birth to Samuel and then she went on to bear several other children. One other thing that I find comforting about Hannah's story is that she also brought her petition to God just as Philippians tells us to do and her petition was heard!
In my human brain "Sarah-close" would equate to "soon" while "Hannah-close" would equate to "very soon." I don't know exactly which one I'm dealing with but I do know that in each instance when God gave insight into his plan they all came to fruition. So that will be the knowledge that I will cling to whether I am "Sarah-close" or "Hannah-close" because I am another month closer to the completion of God's plan.
On a side note, when I first started blogging I had posted about an insight I had into why Sarah laughed when God said she would bear a child at age 90. At this time in my TTC I had hit a low point and felt that I needed to keep the pre-prophecy name of Sarai instead of Sarah because I felt like God had not given me the word of His blessing for our family. Today, I called her Sarah.
Electronic Distractions
While we're all passing the time waiting for our prayers to be answered why not bring an electronic baby into your home! That's right. These diapers don't smell, this spit up does not stain and when the baby cries too much there is an off switch but you still can simulate having a real new born baby.
From the gaming geniuses at Nintendo DS comes "My Baby Girl"
That's right folks, a charming and rewarding experience for only 29.95. Act now and Amazon.com will give you free shipping. It's cheaper than IUI's or IVF!!!
Hear what fans have to say:
"NatureMama says: Even as a mother with a child of my own, I still have that little girl inside that likes to play with dolls and, having a son, I don't get very much opportunity! My Baby Girl, has me hooked! It lures you in right from the start with adorable graphics and real baby babble and cooing."
From the gaming geniuses at Nintendo DS comes "My Baby Girl"
- Simulates life for baby care with as much affection and tenderness as a real parent
- Watch them grow, change form and develop from 0 to 14 months by using all the functionalities of your portable console (breath, voice, stylus, etc.)
- A pediatrician and a pediatric nurse will come to your aid and review the elementary rules to keeping the baby calm, eating, going to sleep and having nice dreams
- The on-screen infants will evolve during the game when your baby grows physically and psychologically, giving you a charming and rewarding experience
- Also comes in alternate gender, "My Baby Boy"
- Once you master the art of your baby you open up the feature of "Suprise Me" where the system automatically picks your baby's gender just like in real life!
That's right folks, a charming and rewarding experience for only 29.95. Act now and Amazon.com will give you free shipping. It's cheaper than IUI's or IVF!!!
Hear what fans have to say:
"NatureMama says: Even as a mother with a child of my own, I still have that little girl inside that likes to play with dolls and, having a son, I don't get very much opportunity! My Baby Girl, has me hooked! It lures you in right from the start with adorable graphics and real baby babble and cooing."
Spreading Grace 024
1. Waking up to sunlight instead of an alarm
2. Roaming around in pajamas just a little bit longer
3. Eating the last bowl of Magic Stars cereal - they are like Lucky Charms but cheaper and with more marshmallows, especially the last bowl because they've all sunk to the bottom of the bag!
4. Smartwool socks - so warm, so comfy
5. Getting to have dinner with friends tonight
2. Roaming around in pajamas just a little bit longer
3. Eating the last bowl of Magic Stars cereal - they are like Lucky Charms but cheaper and with more marshmallows, especially the last bowl because they've all sunk to the bottom of the bag!
4. Smartwool socks - so warm, so comfy
5. Getting to have dinner with friends tonight
Friday, January 23, 2009
Spreading Grace 023
1. I work for the weekends and it was short week of working
2. Getting into work early for 4 days straight - this is a record
3. Getting all my quarterly reports done
4. Hammer calling me up and "telling me" to go to Target to get a gift card for his nephew- you asked for it buddy and you know I can't go in there without buying something for myself, even if it is just socks (cute socks!)
5. Falling asleep on the couch and not having to worry about getting up at a certain time
2. Getting into work early for 4 days straight - this is a record
3. Getting all my quarterly reports done
4. Hammer calling me up and "telling me" to go to Target to get a gift card for his nephew- you asked for it buddy and you know I can't go in there without buying something for myself, even if it is just socks (cute socks!)
5. Falling asleep on the couch and not having to worry about getting up at a certain time
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Spreading Grace 022
1. Fire drills - because that's 30 minutes less of being chained to my computer at work, and it was actually a nice afternoon to be outside
2. Warming spells - it may not be spring yet but they give me hope it will be here soon
3. Campbell's Select Harvest soup - a grab-and-go lunch, easy removable lid, and no yucky chemicals (except that it comes in a can i.e. BPA, oh well can't win them all)
4. Getting to watch The Office - except I wasn't a big fan of this episode, no offense but why 30 minutes about Hilliary Swank?
5. Cuddling on the couch with Hammer who came home early from his 'leadership-thingy'
2. Warming spells - it may not be spring yet but they give me hope it will be here soon
3. Campbell's Select Harvest soup - a grab-and-go lunch, easy removable lid, and no yucky chemicals (except that it comes in a can i.e. BPA, oh well can't win them all)
4. Getting to watch The Office - except I wasn't a big fan of this episode, no offense but why 30 minutes about Hilliary Swank?
5. Cuddling on the couch with Hammer who came home early from his 'leadership-thingy'
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Just Killing Time
So my ticker says I have five days till 'testing' and they will be longest days ever. Well maybe not ever but I'm sure they'll drag. I've already tested twice (9 DPO and today 10DPO) and they have both been negative. I know it's really early but I have some cheap online tests that were out dated last month and I want to get rid of them. Hammer about gave me a heart attack this morning because I did the test and then hopped in the shower before it was ready to be read. He came in the bathroom and I asked him, "One line or two?" He replied one but then followed it up with a, "but there is this faint line on here, does that mean anything?" He had totally read it wrong. Ugh.
I hate to say it but my hopes have really been up for this cycle. I had cramping on day 6 and 7. Now my bbs are KILLING ME! Seriously, walking is painful and I wear a size 34A - there's not much to jiggle. Plus I have been starving and that may or may not be a symptom but right now get out of my way when I need a snack or you may be my snack. So if anything I think I have enough progesterone. I have yet, though, to hear back from my doctor on my blood work from the 19th. I'm getting a bit anxious to know exactly where my progesterone is at. I can't lie that I'll be sad if this month doesn't work. Part of it will be because it means IVF is next. I just wish the effects of progesterone were not so misleading. I know it has an important role in a successful pregnancy but when it gives you false symptoms it's just dumb.
So I'm going to find a distraction and practice my new knitting skills. I'm not sure what I'm making for my first project, right now it looks like an over sized dishtowel. But my knitting goal is to make baby booties as a way to keep my TTC goal in mind so that even if we have to do IVF it will be something to occupy me during the process. But before I start that, right now I need another snack...
I hate to say it but my hopes have really been up for this cycle. I had cramping on day 6 and 7. Now my bbs are KILLING ME! Seriously, walking is painful and I wear a size 34A - there's not much to jiggle. Plus I have been starving and that may or may not be a symptom but right now get out of my way when I need a snack or you may be my snack. So if anything I think I have enough progesterone. I have yet, though, to hear back from my doctor on my blood work from the 19th. I'm getting a bit anxious to know exactly where my progesterone is at. I can't lie that I'll be sad if this month doesn't work. Part of it will be because it means IVF is next. I just wish the effects of progesterone were not so misleading. I know it has an important role in a successful pregnancy but when it gives you false symptoms it's just dumb.
So I'm going to find a distraction and practice my new knitting skills. I'm not sure what I'm making for my first project, right now it looks like an over sized dishtowel. But my knitting goal is to make baby booties as a way to keep my TTC goal in mind so that even if we have to do IVF it will be something to occupy me during the process. But before I start that, right now I need another snack...
Spreading Grace 021
1. Getting into work EARLY two days in A ROW! - because that means I can leave right at 3:30!! (I work 7-3:30)
2. Not completely wiping out on the ice on my way in - it was highly treacherous
3. Resolving an issue with a "knee jerk response" by my chief - I don't know why they don't think logically first before declaring new policy but I'm glad we talked some sense in to her head.
4. Getting to workout this afternoon
5. A night to myself - Hammer is at a 'leadership convention thingy'
2. Not completely wiping out on the ice on my way in - it was highly treacherous
3. Resolving an issue with a "knee jerk response" by my chief - I don't know why they don't think logically first before declaring new policy but I'm glad we talked some sense in to her head.
4. Getting to workout this afternoon
5. A night to myself - Hammer is at a 'leadership convention thingy'
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Spreading Grace 20
1. Being part of a historic moment in seeing the first inauguration of a black president
2. My work allowing us to watch the inauguration at lunch
3. Catching up with an old friend and making dinner plans
4. My potential dinner catastrophe turning out a-ok!
5. A relaxing evening with Hammer
2. My work allowing us to watch the inauguration at lunch
3. Catching up with an old friend and making dinner plans
4. My potential dinner catastrophe turning out a-ok!
5. A relaxing evening with Hammer
Monday, January 19, 2009
Spreading Grace 019
1. Getting to sleep in
2. A good phlebotomist who did an excellent blood draw for my progesterone
3. No appointment needed oil changes at my car dealership
4. Wireless Internet at said car dealership because I had a 2 hour wait!
5. Getting together with friends who are teaching me to knit - and when they are not around I have www.knittinghelp.com which has videos on how to do everything knitting related.
2. A good phlebotomist who did an excellent blood draw for my progesterone
3. No appointment needed oil changes at my car dealership
4. Wireless Internet at said car dealership because I had a 2 hour wait!
5. Getting together with friends who are teaching me to knit - and when they are not around I have www.knittinghelp.com which has videos on how to do everything knitting related.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Moments That Make Us Feel Humbled
I'm sitting here thinking about my blood draw that I need to have done tomorrow. I'm not worried about it. I have to get my progesterone drawn because of my low lining (last u/s check was 7cm). I think I'll be ok because I've always had good levels anywhere between 27-75, yes 75. I have learned that there is no meaning behind a high number other than lots of progesterone. And every time I've had large numbers I have symptoms i.e., sore bbs, nausea, heightened sense of smell, etc. All the symptoms that make you think, "this could be the month," but it never was. I have some of those symptoms now and I'm not reading into any of them as I've been down this road one too many times. It's hard not to get your hopes up at all because all we have is hope and faith that eventually our moment will come. So I've been trying to put our month, our trial into perspective to make sure that while I have hope it's balanced so that I don't suffer another disappointment.
This weekend I visited my uncle (my dad's brother) who, at just the age of 50, is losing his battle with an extremely aggressive brain tumor. He is an awesome Godly man, husband and father of 6 beautiful children ages 22 to 7. He is a simple mailman who always chose to walk his routes instead of drive to stay healthy and fit. But our world was forever changed in June 2008 when what we thought was a stroke turned out to be a brain tumor the size of a baseball. Through surgery, infection, surgery to remove the infection, reactions to medications, failed radiation, arterial blockage, failed chemo, failed experimental drug trials, and seizures, his faith in God has not changed one ounce. Not one ounce. He has not question God's sovereignty nor why this has happened to him. While we don't understand this trial, we know that God is the same God and that He still loves us, that He loves him. My uncle will be leaving this earth in about three months. Leaving his wife, his children, his brothers, his sister, his parents, his nieces, nephews, cousins and friends. His courage has been inspiring in the face of his death.
I've been asking myself if I could be this courageous. I'm not even dealing with death, I'm dealing with creating life. And yet I've questioned why, why we have to endure this trial. Could I be this courageous? I don't know. And that is humbling. Every day is choice to be positive, a choice to see the glass half full, a choice to wait expectantly for God's plan to come to completion. I've had my share of doubting, questioning, anger and frustration. But I want to be counted worthy. I want to finish my race on this earth strong, knowing that I've kept the faith regardless of the trial. I believe that every trial teaches you something and this must be preparing us for something great. I think it was Mandy P's husband who, when hearing that they were part of 7% of couples unable to conceive in one year, said "Then God must be doing something really big in us." God IS doing something big in my uncle's trial - He is bringing their marriage closer, his relationship with his brother closer, my dad is realizing that being compassionate is better than gaining wisdom, and people far and wide are touched when they speak to him and see his steadfast faith. So I will take my trial as training for the BIG thing God is doing in us because I too want to be counted as a faithful servant.
This weekend I visited my uncle (my dad's brother) who, at just the age of 50, is losing his battle with an extremely aggressive brain tumor. He is an awesome Godly man, husband and father of 6 beautiful children ages 22 to 7. He is a simple mailman who always chose to walk his routes instead of drive to stay healthy and fit. But our world was forever changed in June 2008 when what we thought was a stroke turned out to be a brain tumor the size of a baseball. Through surgery, infection, surgery to remove the infection, reactions to medications, failed radiation, arterial blockage, failed chemo, failed experimental drug trials, and seizures, his faith in God has not changed one ounce. Not one ounce. He has not question God's sovereignty nor why this has happened to him. While we don't understand this trial, we know that God is the same God and that He still loves us, that He loves him. My uncle will be leaving this earth in about three months. Leaving his wife, his children, his brothers, his sister, his parents, his nieces, nephews, cousins and friends. His courage has been inspiring in the face of his death.
I've been asking myself if I could be this courageous. I'm not even dealing with death, I'm dealing with creating life. And yet I've questioned why, why we have to endure this trial. Could I be this courageous? I don't know. And that is humbling. Every day is choice to be positive, a choice to see the glass half full, a choice to wait expectantly for God's plan to come to completion. I've had my share of doubting, questioning, anger and frustration. But I want to be counted worthy. I want to finish my race on this earth strong, knowing that I've kept the faith regardless of the trial. I believe that every trial teaches you something and this must be preparing us for something great. I think it was Mandy P's husband who, when hearing that they were part of 7% of couples unable to conceive in one year, said "Then God must be doing something really big in us." God IS doing something big in my uncle's trial - He is bringing their marriage closer, his relationship with his brother closer, my dad is realizing that being compassionate is better than gaining wisdom, and people far and wide are touched when they speak to him and see his steadfast faith. So I will take my trial as training for the BIG thing God is doing in us because I too want to be counted as a faithful servant.
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.
Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."
1 Corinthians 9:24-27
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
Matthew 25:23
Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."
1 Corinthians 9:24-27
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
Matthew 25:23
Spreading Grace 018
1. Getting to spend Sunday morning with my parents
2. Watching our doggy Moses play with their doggy Sydney - they are best friends and are so cute together
3. A heat wave - well, maybe not a heatwave but at least we have double digit temperatures
4. A pretty powdery snowfall - perfect for sitting around drinking hot cocoa and blogging
5. Just knowing that I have Monday off!
2. Watching our doggy Moses play with their doggy Sydney - they are best friends and are so cute together
3. A heat wave - well, maybe not a heatwave but at least we have double digit temperatures
4. A pretty powdery snowfall - perfect for sitting around drinking hot cocoa and blogging
5. Just knowing that I have Monday off!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Spreading Grace 017
1. A safe drive down to my uncle's home in bad weather
2. Being able to spend time time with my uncle and his family - he is losing his battle with an extremely aggressive brain tumor and has been given 3 months to live
3. My grandparents being able to join us
4. Spending time in pray with my family
5. Simply playing a game with the family - these are the moments I will cherish.
2. Being able to spend time time with my uncle and his family - he is losing his battle with an extremely aggressive brain tumor and has been given 3 months to live
3. My grandparents being able to join us
4. Spending time in pray with my family
5. Simply playing a game with the family - these are the moments I will cherish.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Starting Over
So I've been thinking that since this last IUI we finally had normal SA numbers it's kind of like starting over again. As if this was month #1 of the first time we've TTC. Now it certainly does not help erase the years of actually TTC but it does help to put things into perspective. If this month doesn't work it's like not getting a BFP the first time ever trying, not unusual. Does that mean we should stop IF treatments because of one good SA result, no. There is more than just a sperm issue for us. I have endometriosis which affects egg quality and we still don't know if Hammer's sperm can penetrate my eggs. This issue is not unusual with people who have endometriosis. Endometriosis can also affect implantation so IVF would bypass part of that issue.
Basically, we're still on the same track but I think that this journey has brought us to a place where we may have gotten our bodies into the best 'shape' possible for IVF. I had the endometriosis removed and we've figured out how to improve our SA numbers. It's a long journey to get here with a lot of bumps in the road but all of them have had a purpose.
Basically, we're still on the same track but I think that this journey has brought us to a place where we may have gotten our bodies into the best 'shape' possible for IVF. I had the endometriosis removed and we've figured out how to improve our SA numbers. It's a long journey to get here with a lot of bumps in the road but all of them have had a purpose.
Spreading Grace 016
Here is my last post with 2 extra things!
1. Arm warmers - they are like leg warmers but for your arms and have a nifty opening for your thumb if you want to keep your fingers warmer but still need use of your hands
2. An overheated building - because when it's negative degrees outside it feels normal inside (Maybe they over heat it because they think it could-might-possibly be -2 degrees?)
3. Leftovers for lunch - better than a sandwich and healthier than take-out
4. Finishing a big project right before going home
5. Three day weekends
6. Birthday party celebrations at work = excuse to eat cake and then go back for more as an afternoon snack
7. Finding out that a yoga studio is being built right near my house
1. Arm warmers - they are like leg warmers but for your arms and have a nifty opening for your thumb if you want to keep your fingers warmer but still need use of your hands
2. An overheated building - because when it's negative degrees outside it feels normal inside (Maybe they over heat it because they think it could-might-possibly be -2 degrees?)
3. Leftovers for lunch - better than a sandwich and healthier than take-out
4. Finishing a big project right before going home
5. Three day weekends
6. Birthday party celebrations at work = excuse to eat cake and then go back for more as an afternoon snack
7. Finding out that a yoga studio is being built right near my house
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Spreading Grace 015
1. Tide-to-go pen - I had balsamic vinaigrette explode all over my khaki pants at work and this little baby did a pretty good job.
2. Date night - Hammer and I pick a night to go out an do something fun together.
3. Aladdin's Eatery - a yummy Lebanese restaurant with the BEST hummus.
4. The Dolmades rolled sandwich - completely made out of stuffed grape leaves, feta cheese, onions and tomatoes all rolled into an Aladdin's pita = heaven.
5. The opportunity to hear the testimony of William P. Young, author of The Shack - It was absolutely incredible and an amazing story of grace and redemption.
6. Meeting a really cool couple at the church where we heard Mr. Young speak
7. A car that starts in -2 degree weather.
2. Date night - Hammer and I pick a night to go out an do something fun together.
3. Aladdin's Eatery - a yummy Lebanese restaurant with the BEST hummus.
4. The Dolmades rolled sandwich - completely made out of stuffed grape leaves, feta cheese, onions and tomatoes all rolled into an Aladdin's pita = heaven.
5. The opportunity to hear the testimony of William P. Young, author of The Shack - It was absolutely incredible and an amazing story of grace and redemption.
6. Meeting a really cool couple at the church where we heard Mr. Young speak
7. A car that starts in -2 degree weather.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Spreading Grace 014
1. The heater in my Honda - because it's in the single digits this morning
2. Goofing off at work - it really helps to pass the time
3. Yankee Candles - they make my whole house smell delicious
4. Homemade lasagna - mmmmm......
5. Playing in the snow with my dog
6. Coming in from the snow, drinking hot chocolate while sitting by the fire
7. Reading books in bed - I love being under the covers and reading an interesting book (right now it's IVF for couples)
2. Goofing off at work - it really helps to pass the time
3. Yankee Candles - they make my whole house smell delicious
4. Homemade lasagna - mmmmm......
5. Playing in the snow with my dog
6. Coming in from the snow, drinking hot chocolate while sitting by the fire
7. Reading books in bed - I love being under the covers and reading an interesting book (right now it's IVF for couples)
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Spreading Grace 013
1. Coworkers who I can vent my frustrations to when I get asked the stupid questions over and over again by the same person
2. Chipotle - where I can drown said frustrations in a vat of guacamole
3. Homemade Chocolate Peppermint Bark - and making it last as long as possible
4. Wireless speakers - I can listen to the tv, DVD, iPod, radio in my kitchen with this baby.
5. My treadmill - I love getting out the after work stress with a run
6. F-able, our fake cable - we don't have cable but we upgraded to the HD signal and we went from 6 to 11 channels.
7. The season premier of American Idol!!!!
2. Chipotle - where I can drown said frustrations in a vat of guacamole
3. Homemade Chocolate Peppermint Bark - and making it last as long as possible
4. Wireless speakers - I can listen to the tv, DVD, iPod, radio in my kitchen with this baby.
5. My treadmill - I love getting out the after work stress with a run
6. F-able, our fake cable - we don't have cable but we upgraded to the HD signal and we went from 6 to 11 channels.
7. The season premier of American Idol!!!!
Monday, January 12, 2009
FertilAid for Men Information
Wow, I have had a ton of requests for information on FertilAid for Men (which Hammer took for 3 weeks and doubled his SA results! [26 mill to 46 mill])
I got it for $28.95 at Early-Pregnancy-Tests.com because they had free shipping. Here is the direct link to FertilAid for Men. You take three pills a day at Breakfast Lunch and Dinner to saturate your absorption of essential vitamins and minerals that help make quality sperm. One bottle is enough for four weeks.
I bought the women's version but have not taken it yet because our IUI bypasses the whole quality mucus issue. It's on reserve if this month does not work because we will have one more month "au natural "in between if we need to start IVF. We will be buying more of this if we need too!
Oh and if you ladies want another great product for yourselves I would HIGHLY recommend Pre-seed, which you can also get for free shipping at EPT.com or sometimes the manufacturer has good deals too. It's a sperm friendly lubricant that helps get your cervical mucus at the right pH, gives you MORE CM to get those boys up there, and my favorite side effect is that it's very, very comfortable to use (if you get what I'm saying [ahem]). If you are using it for IF, I recommend the 'you-fill' applicators to get it up where you need it in an amount that is right for your body. But they also have the tube for "other" uses.
I got it for $28.95 at Early-Pregnancy-Tests.com because they had free shipping. Here is the direct link to FertilAid for Men. You take three pills a day at Breakfast Lunch and Dinner to saturate your absorption of essential vitamins and minerals that help make quality sperm. One bottle is enough for four weeks.
I bought the women's version but have not taken it yet because our IUI bypasses the whole quality mucus issue. It's on reserve if this month does not work because we will have one more month "au natural "in between if we need to start IVF. We will be buying more of this if we need too!
Oh and if you ladies want another great product for yourselves I would HIGHLY recommend Pre-seed, which you can also get for free shipping at EPT.com or sometimes the manufacturer has good deals too. It's a sperm friendly lubricant that helps get your cervical mucus at the right pH, gives you MORE CM to get those boys up there, and my favorite side effect is that it's very, very comfortable to use (if you get what I'm saying [ahem]). If you are using it for IF, I recommend the 'you-fill' applicators to get it up where you need it in an amount that is right for your body. But they also have the tube for "other" uses.
Spreading Grace 012
1. My husband finally taking care of himself and going home sick from work instead of staying and 'pushing through' feeling sick. Especially because he really was sick!
2. Tylenol - for bringing down my husbands fever of 101.1 yesterday
3. My husband finally sucking it up and getting his "free" flu shot at work this year. It will probably help him recover faster
4. Mac n' Cheese - my ultimate comfort food
5. Getting all the laundry folded and put away
6. My space heater - because our master bedroom over the garage is FREEZING!
7. Early bed times - I love my bed and getting to bed early means more snugly covers and feeling rested.
2. Tylenol - for bringing down my husbands fever of 101.1 yesterday
3. My husband finally sucking it up and getting his "free" flu shot at work this year. It will probably help him recover faster
4. Mac n' Cheese - my ultimate comfort food
5. Getting all the laundry folded and put away
6. My space heater - because our master bedroom over the garage is FREEZING!
7. Early bed times - I love my bed and getting to bed early means more snugly covers and feeling rested.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Spreading Grace 001-011
So some of my bloggy friends have started a 365 days of grace. Not only that but a good friend of my started a whole blog Jan 1 called The Thankful List where the entire purpose of her blog is to write about things she's thankful for each day. At first I thought, "whoa posting 5 things you are thankful for every day? Oh that's not going to be easy or, for that matter, last long." But what I realized is that by just reading the lists I've felt encouraged and that it has made me subconsciously think about things I'm thankful for, daily. Crazy how that works. So I've got some catching up to do, ok 5 things x 11 days post January 1 equals 55, yikes! Alright, maybe I'll just start as today being day one then.
1. Lefty (left ovary) - who finally decided she wanted to join the clomid party this month
2. 46 million - the biggest SA numbers for Hammer in almost three years
3. Fertil-aid supplements - just part of the reason why Hammer's numbers doubled this month
1. Lefty (left ovary) - who finally decided she wanted to join the clomid party this month
2. 46 million - the biggest SA numbers for Hammer in almost three years
3. Fertil-aid supplements - just part of the reason why Hammer's numbers doubled this month
4. Nordicware microwave popcorn popper - I don't need oil or butter and can make whole 
kernel organic popcorn in less than 2 minutes! No more nasty microwave bag chemical butter for me. AND unlike the Redenbacher brand you don't have to buy popper inserts.
5. Penzey's Spices - Especially the Brady Street Cheese sprinkle that I put on my popcorn. If you are a great cook or even if you aren't a great cook this is the place for you. Their spices are wonderful AND they have spice blends that make everything taste incredible. Plus they have recipes using their spices so you can't go wrong.
6. A warm home on a snowy day
7. Gingerbread bagels at Panera - it makes a great pre-IUI breakfast treat
8. Diet Coke - I love you. God bless you Coke makers for having a caffeine free version for us IFers, now could you just make a caffeine free diet cherry Coke?
9. Down blankets - nuff said.
10. Planet Earth on DVD - we don't have cable (seriously) so these DVDs are awesome. Right now I'm watching lions attack an elephant. It's sad but also incredible that they were able to do so.
11. Facebook - I know, I know, but I've reconnected with so many friends who have moved away and keep up with them regularly.
12. The Vagispot - ok not it's real name but Hammer was playing around with the examination light today after our IUI and had me totally convinced that the brand name of the light was 'Vagispot.' I kept trying not to laugh, as I was afraid it would affect the sperm, but I couldn't help myself.
13. Questlabs - the new lab I had to go to because the one by my doc's office is not covered by my insurance. Apparently it's 2 exits away from my home which is closer than the doctor's office, sweet!
14. Questlabs lab tech - just the nicest person who spends all day in this tiny little lab but is as kind and happy as can be.
15. Casual Fridays - breakout the jeans!
16. Leftovers - oh so good food that I means I don't have to cook on Friday night
17. Watching movies on a Friday night with Hammer
18. Sleeping in on Saturdays
19. 5pm Saturday service - I can go to church still have Saturday night to go out and sleep in on Sunday (except this Sunday due to the IUI)
20. Sunday afternoon naps
21. Soup on a cold day - ain't nuthn' better
22. The smell of homemade bread - I made a focaccia bread this week, yummy!
23. Moses kisses - our dog's licker just does not stop.
24. ABC.com/Fox.com - where I can watch my favorite shows online when I miss them on their regular nights (this happens frequently)
25. Yoga class - they just started a yoga class at my work this past Friday which I signed up for, it's not fertility focused but every little bit counts
26. Chinese takeout - not only is it tasty but I usually have enough for two more meals
27. OSU football - yep, I'm a Buckeye fan and former graduate. I wish my boys would have won but we certainly did better than the last two years.
28. New friends - I got to have dinner (Chinese) with a girl from our church and it was fun getting to know her. Her husband is also in Hammer's band (he's a drummer)
29. That I don't have to watch college football on Fox anymore - seriously they do a horrible job covering football, please ESPN win the contract next year!
30. Thirty things to be thankful for - I'm over halfway there!
31. Time off work - I loved my long weekends when I took off the day after New Years. I haven't taken too many because I've been saving up for maternity leave, hopefully
32. DVD shrink - allows us to put our movies onto our ipods so I can watch them while working out
33. This American Life podcast - absolutely one of the best podcasts ever. An hour long series of short stories on a variety of topics that are quite entertaining.
34. Dinner with my brother - on the spur of the moment he was able to come over for dinner last Tuesday
35. Old friends - we got to hang out with a good friend of ours last Saturday
36. Talented friends - while hanging out with our old friend we got to hear another one play at a local bar (she is VERY good)
37. Needed distractions - #35 & #36 helped me to forget the side effects of clomid for a few hours
38. Never having to go on clomid again!!!
39. Tastebook.com - a great site where I've been working on compiling my mother's recipes into a hard bound book.
40. Fourty things to be thankful for!!!!
41. 2008 being OVER - it was a long and difficult year. My husband's uncle lost his battle with cancer and my uncle was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumor. Not to mention infertility and turning 3-0.
42. My crockpot - I love it and I love coming home to dinner already cooking and ready to eat. I've already used it twice in 2009
41. The blog, "A Year of CrockPotting" which has fed my crockpotting addiction
42. High fructose corn syrup free Total cereal - they finally removed the yucky HFCS so I can buy it again. It's a multivitamin in a bowl, oh yeah.
43. Cloth grocery bags - I get in and out of the store with only two bags instead of 10 plastic ones, they stay up right in my car and save the environment. Plus the baggers at the store love them too!
45. $0.30 off of gas at Kroger - thanks to double gift card points at the holidays!
Whew! 45 things, I thought I'd try but I never thought I'd get THAT far! Now I'll just add 2 things to each day for the next 5 days and I'll be all caught up!
kernel organic popcorn in less than 2 minutes! No more nasty microwave bag chemical butter for me. AND unlike the Redenbacher brand you don't have to buy popper inserts.5. Penzey's Spices - Especially the Brady Street Cheese sprinkle that I put on my popcorn. If you are a great cook or even if you aren't a great cook this is the place for you. Their spices are wonderful AND they have spice blends that make everything taste incredible. Plus they have recipes using their spices so you can't go wrong.
6. A warm home on a snowy day
7. Gingerbread bagels at Panera - it makes a great pre-IUI breakfast treat
8. Diet Coke - I love you. God bless you Coke makers for having a caffeine free version for us IFers, now could you just make a caffeine free diet cherry Coke?
9. Down blankets - nuff said.
10. Planet Earth on DVD - we don't have cable (seriously) so these DVDs are awesome. Right now I'm watching lions attack an elephant. It's sad but also incredible that they were able to do so.
11. Facebook - I know, I know, but I've reconnected with so many friends who have moved away and keep up with them regularly.
12. The Vagispot - ok not it's real name but Hammer was playing around with the examination light today after our IUI and had me totally convinced that the brand name of the light was 'Vagispot.' I kept trying not to laugh, as I was afraid it would affect the sperm, but I couldn't help myself.
13. Questlabs - the new lab I had to go to because the one by my doc's office is not covered by my insurance. Apparently it's 2 exits away from my home which is closer than the doctor's office, sweet!
14. Questlabs lab tech - just the nicest person who spends all day in this tiny little lab but is as kind and happy as can be.
15. Casual Fridays - breakout the jeans!
16. Leftovers - oh so good food that I means I don't have to cook on Friday night
17. Watching movies on a Friday night with Hammer
18. Sleeping in on Saturdays
19. 5pm Saturday service - I can go to church still have Saturday night to go out and sleep in on Sunday (except this Sunday due to the IUI)
20. Sunday afternoon naps
21. Soup on a cold day - ain't nuthn' better
22. The smell of homemade bread - I made a focaccia bread this week, yummy!
23. Moses kisses - our dog's licker just does not stop.
24. ABC.com/Fox.com - where I can watch my favorite shows online when I miss them on their regular nights (this happens frequently)
25. Yoga class - they just started a yoga class at my work this past Friday which I signed up for, it's not fertility focused but every little bit counts
26. Chinese takeout - not only is it tasty but I usually have enough for two more meals
27. OSU football - yep, I'm a Buckeye fan and former graduate. I wish my boys would have won but we certainly did better than the last two years.
28. New friends - I got to have dinner (Chinese) with a girl from our church and it was fun getting to know her. Her husband is also in Hammer's band (he's a drummer)
29. That I don't have to watch college football on Fox anymore - seriously they do a horrible job covering football, please ESPN win the contract next year!
30. Thirty things to be thankful for - I'm over halfway there!
31. Time off work - I loved my long weekends when I took off the day after New Years. I haven't taken too many because I've been saving up for maternity leave, hopefully
32. DVD shrink - allows us to put our movies onto our ipods so I can watch them while working out
33. This American Life podcast - absolutely one of the best podcasts ever. An hour long series of short stories on a variety of topics that are quite entertaining.
34. Dinner with my brother - on the spur of the moment he was able to come over for dinner last Tuesday
35. Old friends - we got to hang out with a good friend of ours last Saturday
36. Talented friends - while hanging out with our old friend we got to hear another one play at a local bar (she is VERY good)
37. Needed distractions - #35 & #36 helped me to forget the side effects of clomid for a few hours
38. Never having to go on clomid again!!!
39. Tastebook.com - a great site where I've been working on compiling my mother's recipes into a hard bound book.
40. Fourty things to be thankful for!!!!
41. 2008 being OVER - it was a long and difficult year. My husband's uncle lost his battle with cancer and my uncle was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumor. Not to mention infertility and turning 3-0.
42. My crockpot - I love it and I love coming home to dinner already cooking and ready to eat. I've already used it twice in 2009
41. The blog, "A Year of CrockPotting" which has fed my crockpotting addiction
42. High fructose corn syrup free Total cereal - they finally removed the yucky HFCS so I can buy it again. It's a multivitamin in a bowl, oh yeah.
43. Cloth grocery bags - I get in and out of the store with only two bags instead of 10 plastic ones, they stay up right in my car and save the environment. Plus the baggers at the store love them too!
45. $0.30 off of gas at Kroger - thanks to double gift card points at the holidays!
Whew! 45 things, I thought I'd try but I never thought I'd get THAT far! Now I'll just add 2 things to each day for the next 5 days and I'll be all caught up!
And now we wait...
Well today at 9 am we had our final IUI. I have to say I was extremely happy, positive and relaxed even before going in. But to make it even better we had the absolute BEST SA results over the past 2yrs 8mo, 46 million!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is DOUBLE every past wash we've ever had! Hammer (what I'm going to call my hub from here on out, long story why for another day - but I am also going to change my ID to Mrs. Hammer) had started taking Fertil-aid which is a high potency vitamin for male infertility. He was actually extremely skeptical but I reminded him that of all the things I have to do for our family, all he's had to do is squirt in a cup a few times, so he can certainly take a vitamin. That was all it took, oh a promise that if it had no effect he could stop. I THINK it had a MAJOR effect, don't you? (#1 -26m, #2-17m, #3-13m, #4-27m,#5-46 million)
Looking back there have been good things that I can remember through all of this. Like how after our IUI's when they have you sit there for 5 minutes we've used that time to pray over the procedure. Today I also felt the Spirit telling me to pray for the other couples that were in the waiting room. I'm always amazed at how many people are there for the early morning IUI's. Each one of us desperately hoping that this would be the month. So I prayed for all of us to receive our miracles. I don't know their names or their stories but I know exactly what they have been going through and how much we all need prayer during this time.
And I'm so grateful for our RE who is an old colleague of my father. It's actually comforting to have someone as your advocate who has a personal connection to you. When I have come back after each failed IUI he speaks to me as a father figure and shares in our disappointment with gentleness and reassurement for the future. He literally holds my hand and says, "Let's make this one be the one," with a softness in his eyes like I was one of his own. That's just awesome. I also appreciate his knowledge as he has been doing this for years (and could actually retire if he wanted too) He does not mess around and does all his IUI's with clomid/hcg to ensure perfect timing. There is no clomid/OPK's in this office. If he's going to put you on drugs he's going to use the best way possible to ensure the most perfect timing; no guessing games. That way if 3-4 of them do not work he moves onto the next step. He is in the business of making babies not money which is great because we don't have a ton of money but we would like a baby!
So now I'm sitting here resting and laying on my left side because lefty had the best looking follicle on Thursday. I'm pretty sure that's the one that took off because when I ovulate from righty I usually feel it due to the endometriosis that was on that ovary. I didn't feel anything this time around. Please pray for this month that it will be successful. God has already been good to us with lefty and high SA numbers we just hope that He will also bring this month to completion = conception.
On a side note I wanted to give a shoutout to my new bloggy friend osuraj who delurked. Thanks for commenting! I've also added you to my blog roll.
Even though National Delurking Week has come to an end I'd still love to hear from those who silently read this blog. I would love to get to know you, add you to my blog roll and share in this crazy infertility journey together.
This is DOUBLE every past wash we've ever had! Hammer (what I'm going to call my hub from here on out, long story why for another day - but I am also going to change my ID to Mrs. Hammer) had started taking Fertil-aid which is a high potency vitamin for male infertility. He was actually extremely skeptical but I reminded him that of all the things I have to do for our family, all he's had to do is squirt in a cup a few times, so he can certainly take a vitamin. That was all it took, oh a promise that if it had no effect he could stop. I THINK it had a MAJOR effect, don't you? (#1 -26m, #2-17m, #3-13m, #4-27m,#5-46 million)
Looking back there have been good things that I can remember through all of this. Like how after our IUI's when they have you sit there for 5 minutes we've used that time to pray over the procedure. Today I also felt the Spirit telling me to pray for the other couples that were in the waiting room. I'm always amazed at how many people are there for the early morning IUI's. Each one of us desperately hoping that this would be the month. So I prayed for all of us to receive our miracles. I don't know their names or their stories but I know exactly what they have been going through and how much we all need prayer during this time.
And I'm so grateful for our RE who is an old colleague of my father. It's actually comforting to have someone as your advocate who has a personal connection to you. When I have come back after each failed IUI he speaks to me as a father figure and shares in our disappointment with gentleness and reassurement for the future. He literally holds my hand and says, "Let's make this one be the one," with a softness in his eyes like I was one of his own. That's just awesome. I also appreciate his knowledge as he has been doing this for years (and could actually retire if he wanted too) He does not mess around and does all his IUI's with clomid/hcg to ensure perfect timing. There is no clomid/OPK's in this office. If he's going to put you on drugs he's going to use the best way possible to ensure the most perfect timing; no guessing games. That way if 3-4 of them do not work he moves onto the next step. He is in the business of making babies not money which is great because we don't have a ton of money but we would like a baby!
So now I'm sitting here resting and laying on my left side because lefty had the best looking follicle on Thursday. I'm pretty sure that's the one that took off because when I ovulate from righty I usually feel it due to the endometriosis that was on that ovary. I didn't feel anything this time around. Please pray for this month that it will be successful. God has already been good to us with lefty and high SA numbers we just hope that He will also bring this month to completion = conception.
On a side note I wanted to give a shoutout to my new bloggy friend osuraj who delurked. Thanks for commenting! I've also added you to my blog roll.
Even though National Delurking Week has come to an end I'd still love to hear from those who silently read this blog. I would love to get to know you, add you to my blog roll and share in this crazy infertility journey together.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Mixed Reviews
OK so the good news is that my left ovary (lefty) is finally participating! AND that is where my one 'good' egg is at, size 18. I have two smaller on the right 15 and 16 which may not ripen in time. The bad news is that my lining is at 7cm which is one cm away from where they cancel the IUI. That means I might not have enough fluff to catch an egg-y if we get lucky this month. So we are to delay the hcg shot till Friday but my RE asked that we ʽhave funʼ tonight anyway (just in case lefty takes off on her own) then the IUI is set for Sunday. I have to go in for blood work on the 19th because of my low lining.
I've had a horrible time trying to get my hcg approved through my prescription insurance. In fact it just got approved today so I've been freaking out that it wouldn't be approved in time. When I called them to see what the hold up was they told me they approved it for three months (that was two months ago!). Now if that's the case why does my pharmacy not realize this and make me jump through hoops every time. I'm thinking "what we have here is a failure to communicate."
Of course I then learned that the lab where I got my blood work before is no longer approved by my insurance company so I have to trek all the way across town to get a lab done today and then again on the 19th.
I’m trying not to feel discouraged and just be happy that I know lefty is not a dud. When I told my husband about it all, he said, "Seems like a victory to me. If lefty was a dud, that is permanent. 7cm is a temporary thing." He's right. I'm thrilled that lefty has joined in on the all the fun and now I'm holding to the knowledge that God is greater than all of those other little things that pop up just to frustrate me and make me doubt His goodness. Either way I am one more month closer to the completion of God's plan; one more month closer to being a mom.
I've had a horrible time trying to get my hcg approved through my prescription insurance. In fact it just got approved today so I've been freaking out that it wouldn't be approved in time. When I called them to see what the hold up was they told me they approved it for three months (that was two months ago!). Now if that's the case why does my pharmacy not realize this and make me jump through hoops every time. I'm thinking "what we have here is a failure to communicate."
Of course I then learned that the lab where I got my blood work before is no longer approved by my insurance company so I have to trek all the way across town to get a lab done today and then again on the 19th.
I’m trying not to feel discouraged and just be happy that I know lefty is not a dud. When I told my husband about it all, he said, "Seems like a victory to me. If lefty was a dud, that is permanent. 7cm is a temporary thing." He's right. I'm thrilled that lefty has joined in on the all the fun and now I'm holding to the knowledge that God is greater than all of those other little things that pop up just to frustrate me and make me doubt His goodness. Either way I am one more month closer to the completion of God's plan; one more month closer to being a mom.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Me Too, Me Too!
So while reading some of my regular blogs I follow (and comment on *wink*) I learned that January 4-10 is National Delurking Week.
So if you visit my blog but have never posted a comment to say 'hello,' please do! I'd love to hear from you. So come out, come out where ever you are!
So if you visit my blog but have never posted a comment to say 'hello,' please do! I'd love to hear from you. So come out, come out where ever you are!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Mini Update
I'm alive :) I'm just without much to blog about right now. I've taken my second to last clomid dose and have been enjoying the hot flashes as it's finally cold enough for January in our town. I can't wait until I take my last clomid. This time, no matter what the outcome, it will be the last clomid dose I'll ever take which makes me thrilled.
While I haven't had too many side effects on the drug I still don't like the ones I get. Take last night for example. I took my dose at 5 pm (so that I can sleep through the side effects) but didn't think about the fact that I was going to the 7 pm service at church. My hub was on the drums last night and I thought it would be nice to catch dinner together afterwards. Well within two hours I started to have unprovoked and uncontrollable crying. Umm, awkward... So I sat in the back and tried not to draw attention to myself. Fortunately the hub is very supportive but I would rather not have to go through that again. I'll give an update on Thursday when I have my u/s to check my follies - maybe lefty will finally decided to participate but I'm not going to hold my breath.
While I haven't had too many side effects on the drug I still don't like the ones I get. Take last night for example. I took my dose at 5 pm (so that I can sleep through the side effects) but didn't think about the fact that I was going to the 7 pm service at church. My hub was on the drums last night and I thought it would be nice to catch dinner together afterwards. Well within two hours I started to have unprovoked and uncontrollable crying. Umm, awkward... So I sat in the back and tried not to draw attention to myself. Fortunately the hub is very supportive but I would rather not have to go through that again. I'll give an update on Thursday when I have my u/s to check my follies - maybe lefty will finally decided to participate but I'm not going to hold my breath.
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