Sunday, January 18, 2009

Moments That Make Us Feel Humbled

I'm sitting here thinking about my blood draw that I need to have done tomorrow. I'm not worried about it. I have to get my progesterone drawn because of my low lining (last u/s check was 7cm). I think I'll be ok because I've always had good levels anywhere between 27-75, yes 75. I have learned that there is no meaning behind a high number other than lots of progesterone. And every time I've had large numbers I have symptoms i.e., sore bbs, nausea, heightened sense of smell, etc. All the symptoms that make you think, "this could be the month," but it never was. I have some of those symptoms now and I'm not reading into any of them as I've been down this road one too many times. It's hard not to get your hopes up at all because all we have is hope and faith that eventually our moment will come. So I've been trying to put our month, our trial into perspective to make sure that while I have hope it's balanced so that I don't suffer another disappointment.

This weekend I visited my uncle (my dad's brother) who, at just the age of 50, is losing his battle with an extremely aggressive brain tumor. He is an awesome Godly man, husband and father of 6 beautiful children ages 22 to 7. He is a simple mailman who always chose to walk his routes instead of drive to stay healthy and fit. But our world was forever changed in June 2008 when what we thought was a stroke turned out to be a brain tumor the size of a baseball. Through surgery, infection, surgery to remove the infection, reactions to medications, failed radiation, arterial blockage, failed chemo, failed experimental drug trials, and seizures, his faith in God has not changed one ounce. Not one ounce. He has not question God's sovereignty nor why this has happened to him. While we don't understand this trial, we know that God is the same God and that He still loves us, that He loves him. My uncle will be leaving this earth in about three months. Leaving his wife, his children, his brothers, his sister, his parents, his nieces, nephews, cousins and friends. His courage has been inspiring in the face of his death.

I've been asking myself if I could be this courageous. I'm not even dealing with death, I'm dealing with creating life. And yet I've questioned why, why we have to endure this trial. Could I be this courageous? I don't know. And that is humbling. Every day is choice to be positive, a choice to see the glass half full, a choice to wait expectantly for God's plan to come to completion. I've had my share of doubting, questioning, anger and frustration. But I want to be counted worthy. I want to finish my race on this earth strong, knowing that I've kept the faith regardless of the trial. I believe that every trial teaches you something and this must be preparing us for something great. I think it was Mandy P's husband who, when hearing that they were part of 7% of couples unable to conceive in one year, said "Then God must be doing something really big in us." God IS doing something big in my uncle's trial - He is bringing their marriage closer, his relationship with his brother closer, my dad is realizing that being compassionate is better than gaining wisdom, and people far and wide are touched when they speak to him and see his steadfast faith. So I will take my trial as training for the BIG thing God is doing in us because I too want to be counted as a faithful servant.

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.

Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air.
No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

Matthew 25:23


Shannon said...

The story about your uncle and is continued trust in God is wonderful, thanks for sharing it. I will keep him and your entire family in my prayers!

I love the bible verses that you posted. And ironically, these were the bible verses that were part of the message at my church this week. I think that the idea of standing before God, once this crazy race is over, and being rewarded with everlasting life as a prize for being a faithful follower is the greatest gift of all. Its a pretty good way to put life in perspective.

I hope you have a great day!

Hillary said...

Your uncle is leaving a beautiful legacy of faith for his family, fiends, and even strangers like us in the IF blogspehere. I, too, hope that I can wait expectantly for the big things God has for me -- even if it is a different and more difficult path than I would have chosen!

Meant to be a mom said...

Thank you so much for the message on my blog, not many people follow mine yet so its nice to have someone to pray for us and to talk to. We are both nervouse for the second blood test tomorrow. We are praying to God so much to keep this miracle alive.
I will pray for your uncle. I'm so sorry to hear whats going on with him. But I want you to know that the bible verses you posted are just perfect to read.